Working Myself Up To An Attack

Yes, I brought it up to the last psychiatrist I saw for several months. He said I had traits of BPD, but he wouldn't diagnose. The thing is, all this anger and hysteria is my reaction to this one issue with this one person.

Would everything be good if the sex was good?

I know this is a tough question to answer...and you kinda have to take the vacation out of it because we're all happier on vacation.

Yes, it would have been a great life.

I just needed him to be loving in the way I need to feel loved.

I was fine with his withdrawal and laziness in the relationship in all other ways. I was happy to be the most traditional housewife ever. I was fine with him sleeping and watching tv, which is what he likes to do. Everything else in our life, I had to arrange. He would be happy to go along, but he wanted everything done for him with no effort.

I only wanted him to make one ounce of effort for ME. Didn't I deserve to feel loved?

I think that the stress of this situation and the frustration from his gas lighting gave me a personality disorder/ emotional disorder. I may have biological depression, ADHD, OCD, and PTSD-- but nothing related to any of these conditions ever caused me to be debilitated until this soul crushing emotional battle with him that triggered BPD traits.

That's my self diagnosis. My treatment is to stay on the Cymbalta and remove him from my bedroom.

I'm back to the take the whole summer apart plan. Then we'll see what's going to be.

Meanwhile, he says he is now seeing a therapist.

Oh that's great he is seeing a therapist!

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