[ladytiger]

I am not sure if emotionally unavailable has been talked about, sure it has but I apologize for bringing it up. I was asked by someone am I emotionally unavailable? Are you living or existing? For me, I have been existing for a long time (I am 30). With my emotions, not sure how to be emotionally available. For example, at work I was listening to the students' issues about medical and something else. I listened to them then within 5-10 mins into listening I drifted off to someplace else hardly acknowledged or use any kind of empathy.

I was thinking recently no one gave a damn to listen to my issues all of my life so I have to sit here and listen to others? I know sounds cold and mean. A friend of mine said you give facts instead of using your feelings/emotions which is true. In social situations, my mind drifts off to somewhere and not really hearing what's going on around me basically I am not in the present the here and now.

Since, I was also told by people how I don't show emotions/excitement/etc I tend to mask everything an old defense I had to do all of my life more like forced than anything else. It's all due to a ton of invalidation and mistrust all of my life. I was able to open up somewhat to friends about what is going on. I am afraid of being in the same bs for years of being judged, not feeling valued, not listening to me/needs/wants/etc, or just being dismissed in general. I have a hard time being available asking is everything okay?

I was wondering does anyone know of any good workbooks to use to work on your own emotions? Trying to see if I can find a good one online before I go back to therapy. How do you be more emotionally available?

[BrazenApogee]

I found "Non-violent communication" by Rosenberg to be a good teaching model of how to recognize emotions in myself and others and how to communicate them.

[ladytiger]

I have seen that book just haven't purchased it yet.

[Imokay2]

I'm sorry if you are feeling awkward, it sounds like you are going through a transition if you're recognizing a need to grow. That's good, right?
Do you meditate? Do you take part in something that teaches you to know yourself?
I think if you know yourself and all the things that make you who you are, if you accept them and love them then, you can do that for others.
If you have part of yourself you're denying then you can't really be present and receptive for others either, I believe.
I don't think that comes from a book, but from activity with a group...check and see if there's anything like that where you live.

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[ladytiger]

Originally Posted by Imokay2

I'm sorry if you are feeling awkward, it sounds like you are going through a transition if you're recognizing a need to grow. That's good, right?
Do you meditate? Do you take part in something that teaches you to know yourself?
I think if you know yourself and all the things that make you who you are, if you accept them and love them then, you can do that for others.
If you have part of yourself you're denying then you can't really be present and receptive for others either, I believe.
I don't think that comes from a book, but from activity with a group...check and see if there's anything like that where you live.

Sent from my SGH-T399 using Tapatalk

Yes a transition and yea it's good. I have meditated before hard when you're mind is still going. I have realized that the real me at my core has been aching a lot years of abuse has suppress everything about me.

Knowing myself is still fuzzy I haven't been able to answer questions about myself. When I write about myself I'm still unclear. The fear is far greater over analyzing things etc. I still need to finish up therapy.

You mean like a 12 step? If so I've been looking at some. I'm like in deep thought a lot how things should be like. I had this attitude lately on being available no one wasn't available for me when I needed them but I have to be available for others? Yes it's resentment.

[Imokay2]

I am familiar with those feelings and situations, I'm a mom,and that has required me to pull out of self care at times, and put all my focus on others' needs.
We're lucky we live in a world where there's opportunity for doing things differently than ever before.
I have also been working on this project of healing for almost 20 years, when I started I didn't know what to do in order to get over the walls of protection I built in my heart and mind, I just started by talking openly and I don't recommend that, most people can't handle a really bad history, but a therapist usually can. Usually. Through the years I got involved with several different spiritual paths, each taught me something important, each allowing me to approach my own healing in different ways. Maybe that's where you can start.
With feeling into where the best place is for you, and just starting, with the intention of healing an aspect of your life. ..of course, there is something else here.
Personality. If you know your personality type, then maybe you can really explore that fully and find out how it might affect your experience with feelings.
If your personality is more of a pragmatic approach to reason, then that's positive too. Not everyone is a feely sort, and we need all kinds of types!

Sent from my SGH-T399 using Tapatalk

[ladytiger]

Originally Posted by Imokay2

I am familiar with those feelings and situations, I'm a mom,and that has required me to pull out of self care at times, and put all my focus on others' needs.
We're lucky we live in a world where there's opportunity for doing things differently than ever before.
I have also been working on this project of healing for almost 20 years, when I started I didn't know what to do in order to get over the walls of protection I built in my heart and mind, I just started by talking openly and I don't recommend that, most people can't handle a really bad history, but a therapist usually can. Usually. Through the years I got involved with several different spiritual paths, each taught me something important, each allowing me to approach my own healing in different ways. Maybe that's where you can start.
With feeling into where the best place is for you, and just starting, with the intention of healing an aspect of your life. ..of course, there is something else here.
Personality. If you know your personality type, then maybe you can really explore that fully and find out how it might affect your experience with feelings.
If your personality is more of a pragmatic approach to reason, then that's positive too. Not everyone is a feely sort, and we need all kinds of types!

Sent from my SGH-T399 using Tapatalk

I agree most people can't handle a person's difficult past but turning the other cheek we don't learn from anyone. One healing I was doing was tai chi before I moved. Yes I do need to explore other healing methods. My real personality is outgoing always talking I feel as though I have nothing to offer as I have to rebuild my true self. I'm in a better environment now I know my mind is still stuck in the old mindset.

I hated putting out energy to selfish narc ungrateful people yet never available for my issues which is why I don't like one part of myself of being a Giver because I've been taken advantage of for a long time. I also realize i need to recharge my energy been depleted for years something i need to look up as well. Thank you!

[unaluna]

I think emotional availability is like a bank account - somebody has to make deposits in you before other people can get some from you. Your friends are making deposits right now by helping you with a place to live, but that doesn't mean those "funds" are available to be withdrawn by others! A therapist can make deposits. I think it takes a while - it is for me. it isn't really resentment - it's just that I don't have it to give.

[ladytiger]

That's a good point. I mean, it's just that people are just pointing out my issues which I already know and shouldn't need to be pointed out.

[handheart]

Well you feel this way because others dont listen to your emotions you should try to not be so cold also and help others to see what happens

[ladytiger]

That is true just tired of explaining myself