[Artchic528]

Don't know if this is exactly the right place to put this, but I'm dealing with a immensely strong desire to become pregnant. Maybe it's because everyone I know of is getting married and starting families of their own (mostly cousins), but I seem to have babies on the brain. However, I'm not so sure I want the responsibility of raising a child. I can barely take care of my own self most days, adding a second life to be completely responsible for is simply overwhelming to me.

I also am scared of what I'd need to do med wise if I were to get pregnant, like stop taking the ones that are damaging to a developing fetus. I'm barely sane enough ON my meds. Take me off of them and add a bunch of surging new hormones to the equation? That seems a recipe for disaster. And then there's the whole post partum depression that scares the bejeebus out of me. I've heard some really scary stories.

That and I have almost no maternal instincts. I love babies, but am clueless about them. Like, their crying for something. Is it a dirty diaper? Are they hungry? Colic? I don't have the slightest clue!! It's like I have zero intuition in that area.

Is my strong desire to become pregnant just the innate desire to reproduce that lives within any given species? Like my biological clock not so subtly telling me it's ticking and won't be available for producing offspring forever? My doctor said that I am very likely to have early onset menopause, same as my mother. On one hand, that's a relief, because then I don't have to deal with female issues, but on the other hand, it sends me into panic mode and brings stronger feelings of wanting a baby.

I should also mention that I'm not even in a relationship at this point. I feel like I'm going insane.

[smartiesparty]

Do not make rushed decisions to be a parent. You said it yourself, you're not in a relationship and you're still on meds that are important. A lot of people want babies even though they're not ready. It is normal.
But it is also important not to act on it right now.
"Very likely to have early onset menopause" doesn't mean anything. Doctors assume that for a lot of women, who then still become pregnant in their 40's because they were so sure about their menopause having kicked in!

You should wait to be in a stable relationship and to have a stable relationship with yourself and maybe having reduced your medication.
It does probably probably have something to do with the fact that your biological clock (stupid word to describe it, in my opinion) is 'ticking'.

I think it may well be a natural biological urge, those can be quite strong, even when we know we are not in a good position to parent.

I remember feeling like this when I wanted another baby after our family was complete, I knew the logical reasons why it wasn't a good idea but I still had a strong maternal urge so I 'get' this.

I just had to ride it out, one of the ways I coped with it was to spend time with others young children, I even did childminding for a while, that reminded me how much unrelenting hard work they are but satisfied my need to nurture. Maybe if you could spend time with your cousins and help out with the babies that might help sate some of those urges and also be a good help to them and strengthen your friendships.

Sorry I can't be more helpful - biological urges can be strong and quite a challenge.