[Marylin]

Today anger and frustration made worse by the hot weather.
Angry at my situation,being all alone and being stuck indoors in hot weather.
Wanting a holiday by the sea not having money to pay for one and feeling poor because of this,so very frustrating to be stuck in one place because of this.

Also angry at all the people I tried to be friends with who were just using me for freebies,so now I know,people will never respect you if you allow them to profit from your friendship,make them pay all the way that way they will stick around and pay you the respect you deserve.

Angry at my family for their 35 years and more of abuse directed towards me and angry that it makes them happy when I am down or ill.

Angry at the world and the politics and politicians.

[Skeezyks]

Hello Marylin: Where I am, the "feels like" temperatures (air temp plus humidity) tomorrow & Thursday are forecast to be around 36 degrees C.
The Skeezyks struggles with a lot of anger too. Sometimes I don't even know what it is I'm angry about... I just am! Anyway, I'm sorry for your struggle & I wish you well...

[Marylin]

Tonight I am even more angry cos I feel ill and there is no one to care and it makes me angry cos I know my mum and sister are glad I have no one and they want me to never have anyone to love me and that makes me want to hurt them badly!How dare they be happy that I am alone and in pain and unloved what gives them the right to want me to suffer loneliness and unhappiness and pain!**** them to hell!
When I bought my house and my cousin who fits carpets came to fit my carpets he said that my house was a good size big enough for two and my sister got angry and shouted at him,' no She is on her own', and she implied I was going to stay that way if it was up to her.I have a murderous rage going on when I think of all the cruel and nasty things she has done to me over 35 years...the heat is making that anger worse.

[Nimportequoi]

Hello Marylin
I sometimes have comparable feelings towards my mother as to what you describe... even though she isn't that abusive usually. Maybe it would be best to stay clear of these parts of your family? They probably won't change and it's only wearing you out emotionally to deal with them.
I can relate to your frustration about the hot weather... I' m going to have six weeks of summer holidays soon and I won't be going anywhere.. knowing that people will tell me about their amazing exciting holiday experiences in september...
And I can relate to your feeling of loneliness my only friend I have at the moment will be in Thailand for three weeks so holidays probably won't be very social for me either...

[baseline]

Marilyn, I am sorry for your pain. Why do you believe they want you to be alone? You have a right to happiness and love! I hope you feel better soon. Do they know how unhappy they make you? Can you take a break from them?
Are you the same Marilyn that was living abroad? If yes are you back in the states?

[Marylin]

I am no contact with my narcissist sister for a year and nine months and no contact with my narcissist mother for six weeks,you will never be loved by a narcissist they only care about using you,I am not mixing with them,I am still hurting though from the years of abuse they gave me.The hot weather has further fueled my memories and anger.
But as for the advice to stay away from them I am no contact and totally alone in life so it feels like I am the one being punished even though I cut them out of my life.

@baseline I have never lived in the States.

@Nimportequoi sounds like we both are in the same boat with no friends and not being able to holiday,it stinks doesn't it?!