I'm slowly falling apart and everything everyday is just pushing me to the point where I can't take it...but what happens then? Nothing. I sit here, cry and scream at the wall. That's breaking. I bleed inside but there is nothing to stop it and no possible relief in sight. If there is relief, it is short lived, I breathe, then another attack comes.

When every word that comes out of my mouth is criticized or judged, every action they expect me to stop or control that I fight against, when they can say all day long that I'm in control, but in reality...I know I'm not. Even though I fight it, I try...I'm playing the victim, this is a pity party, I can just stop.

I'm wrong. I am always wrong. At the worst time then, my cousin decides to criticize me. Can you please stop? No, no mercy...tough love.For just a day, can it just all stop, can I just rest in silence of all the judgments, disagreements, and criticism towards very fiber of my being. Labels, "Drama queen" "victim" "pity party" all just hit me so hard when I know the truth, the truth that NO ONE gets it and these people who can laugh about my pain and write it off with the labels will NEVER feel this way and NEVER hurt the way I do.

I deserve this suffering. So I will just keep lying here, in excruciating pain, knowing there is not a remedy in sight, and that every bit of it is due.

Thinking about you, Anna. You are not alone. Keep us updated. We will support you.

Are you in treatment? No one deserves to suffer.

Originally Posted by rainyday107

Are you in treatment? No one deserves to suffer.

I am but once it starts to work I fall apart again. Or they send me to the psychiatric hospital and that hurts me worse, where I can be yelled at and thrown in seclusion rooms by defensive hospital staff who act like I'm going to attack them just because I'm emotionally upset at myself. And make me feel more like a bad person, because they treat people like criminals.

Originally Posted by Anna72914

I am but once it starts to work I fall apart again. Or they send me to the psychiatric hospital and that hurts me worse, where I can be yelled at and thrown in seclusion rooms by defensive hospital staff who act like I'm going to attack them just because I'm emotionally upset at myself. And make me feel more like a bad person, because they treat people like criminals.

My bipolar disorder is like that. I'm in treatment, but it's only a matter of time before there is another episode. It is hard.

I've been IP several times, some places were a bad experience. If you need IP, try a different facility? If you are feeling out of control...let the staff know right away. The nurse may be able to give you a pill to relax you.

If you are being abused, file a complaint. You deserve to be safe. It's a place to heal. Seclusion is typically a last resort to keep you and other patients safe.

Originally Posted by rainyday107

My bipolar disorder is like that. I'm in treatment, but it's only a matter of time before there is another episode. It is hard.

I've been IP several times, some places were a bad experience. If you need IP, try a different facility? If you are feeling out of control...let the staff know right away. The nurse may be able to give you a pill to relax you.

If you are being abused, file a complaint. You deserve to be safe. It's a place to heal. Seclusion is typically a last resort to keep you and other patients safe.

There is only 1 hospital I feel safe at and they are always full. When they are full I get forced to go to the others. The last one I was at, I was crying and upset so the nurse yelled at me and made me sit in the seclusion room, the door was open but I felt like I was being punished so I asked to come out and got upset and she threatened to put me in restraints. When I asked for my patient advocate she said "we are your patient advocates" and I was too afraid to do anything else that she would put me in restraints.
The my doctor told me I was manipulative and used the "tough" attitude which is a huge trigger.

I've seen worse in the hospitals too, they once had a man in restraints for over 6 hours. I don't even know who I would report and every time I complain about anything no one cares anyway, they tell me I'm over reacting.

[divine1966]

I am so sorry you are suffering. Hope you can get a good treatment soon

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