[Aracela]

I once talked about my bullying incident that really destroyed my personality as a child from this thread http://forums.psychcentral.com/copin...etting-go.html
(I think I remember why my friend's cousin pushed me, I think I somehow pushed him idk how because it was a group of us kids trying to do something and he fell).

And since I was talking to one of my friends about the past, I just noticed I became a huge ***** in middle school. Now I won't blame others for my mistakes because I was an extremely angry and emotional child. I took out my anger on a lot of people(hitting them and kicking them), I stopped trusting others, I never believed the words of others anymore etc. And I was extremely sick of this one kid who kept divulging information of something bad I did(which I am extremely regretful of...I wrote ****ing principal because I really liked the previous principal and I just hate changes because my best friend the only one I trusted in also moved away) to everyone.

And that led me to trusting people less and less because one day they're treating me normally and the next they seem distant and cautious. As I vaguely remember in class I would always hear that one kid and his gang dissing me because of my past incident and liking anime. I think the worst my bullying got in middle school was two incidents, the first was when my outfit I wore before my gym clothes were missing, someone went into my locker and threw it or something. The second was when my home ec teacher accussed me of setting the school on fire though we never even cooked in that class the day she accussed me of leaving the stove on. She accussed me because I was a moody depressed teen and sat at the back.

I got so sick of everyone's attitudes even some of the teachers. But I still went to some of my teachers as a sort of plea. Now I am not proud of what I did next either. I came up with a plan, I wrote out my thoughts in a poem and showed it to my teacher in hopes that she gets the meaning and tells the class to stop harrassing me. But she took it the other way around and thought I wanted to commit suicide. Now I was never proud of the thought of suicide even though my last attempt was when I was in grade 3. I never wanted anyone to know about that and it just made me angerier that she didn't get my thoughts.

All I'm saying in my rambles in this post is that I am extremely ashamed of my actions throughout my childhood. I try so hard hiding this past from my friends. I am afraid what they will think of me...but I am forever grateful to the ones who knows about my past and is still sticking with me.....just that I am still very ashamed....

[Skeezyks]

Hello Aracela: Thanks for sharing this. The Skeezyks was also bullied throughout most of his school years. I have a whole lifetime of stuff I would be hiding from friends... if I had any. But, rather than do that, I simply keep to myself. Anyone who really knew me, would not want to have anything to do with me. So I just avoid the whole problem & keep to myself. I'm glad you do have at least a few friends who know about your past & are sticking with you. They are a treasure...

[Shaly78]

Multiples get embarrassed/exploited where I'm at for everything not remembering being on ssdi double talk transfering thought over thinking bringing forth splitting lost time the memories addiction the day to functioning divorce parenting now being distorted believing the dx....It's been my last 3 yr continuation I mostly rise above it like I ain't got enough to deal with being psychological with dx for 4 years how it would normally deteriorate a system anyway...I m a conspiracy theorist now ....Martin Luther King says non violence so I keep myself alive it was passively deception that's what made it painfully worst