[Ladytmt]

Am i a failure if i never get married or have kids? I certainly feel like one. I am 37, never been proposed toand never been pregnant. The last man i fell for I discovered to be a lying deceitful sociopath who got off on torturing me emotionally and by making empty promises. That person did those things but said he loved me so now i have a twisted sense of what love is. I feel the person i once was is dead because of him. So with that said I don't see how I could allow another romantic relationship. As for kids... I have uterine fibroids so pregnancy willbe difficult.

People are so judgemental of a single woman my age with my own house car and job and i hear stuff like she must be gay, she must have an attitude, she must be someone's mistress, etc. some of this is very hurtful to me so i must be a failure right?

[TishaBuv]

No you're not a failure. You're a winner who is independent and got away from a bad relationship. People always say hurtful things to everybody no matter what your situation. If you want to have children, you could even adopt as a single woman. Don't let the turkeys get you down.

[Shaly78]

Aww, well in this life you aren't promised those things. When you grow up that is what your parents prepare you for right? The american dream house career 2.5 kids etc. Watch the company you keep! It seems to me that she needs to make her triangle of folks a less judgmental one, that is toxic.

[Thunder Bow]

Dump the cultural expectations and just be yourself.

[Ladytmt]

Thanks for the advice everyone

[Open Eyes]

Hi Ladytmt, I see you are a fairly new member, welcome to PC, hope you are finding PC a helpful supportive site.

You are certainly "not" a failure if you have not found the right partner and are married with children. There are plenty of women who get married and have children that are absolutely miserable, trapped in a relationship they hate and are unhappy with. Also, be thankful that you were smart enough to get out of the toxic relationship you did have and did not marry and have children with him and be in an even worse situation.

There are thousands of unmarried women and single women who are parents out there, doesn't mean these women are failures either. It's actually a lot harder to find the right partner and have a happy marriage that actually lasts. Think about all the top stars that seem to have it all, looks, money, careers and yet they end up broken hearted. Don't find the right one, or end up in divorce that is very public, ugh, no privacy at all. There really is a sizable list of these women. Princess Diana, look how miserable she was, Jay Lo, and Jennifer Aniston, and Sandra Bullock to name only just a few.

Keep your chin up, don't feed into the "I am a failure mindset", in this challenge, it's just not easy to find that "prince charming" no matter "who" the woman is.

[nicoleflynn]

We all get to decide who we are and what we want...Remember when someone asks you why, etc....."not my circus, not my monkeys."

Ignore society....who are they anyway?

[Rose76]

I never got married or had kids. It was never my ambition to do either, so I don't feel a failure. I've never known other people to particularly care one way or the other.

I do not think you are a failure at all. Absolutely you are fine just as you are.

PS: Therapy can help you heal from the abusive ex. I married a man that turned out to be a diagnosed narcissist. Ouch. You know how it is. I am divorced now and therapy helped me. I'm in an awesome relationship with a man I met after divorce. We've been together several years.

I'm not implying you should change...but I wanted you to know that you can heal from that relationship. Age is not a factor, trust me. 37 is young. You're great...do what is good for you.

[Erin Hay Hay]

Same here! No husband no kids Some people see that and automatically think that my life is sad and lonely. However, when the conversation turns to the news or general subjects or just what you did last weekend most people realize that I live my life quite intensively -because I have time to travel, read books, do volunteer works, etc. I get down from time to time and wonder whether I'd be better off walking down the well-worn path, but those moments usually don't last for too long!

If you live your life honestly and you're happy with it no, you're not a failure.

[Unrigged64072835]

You're not a failure. You've still done quite a bit.

[Wild Coyote]

Continue to have the courage to walk to the beat of your own drummer.

Who knows what will happen in life?
I had never wanted to get married and here I am, married for over 22 years now. We were married because we wanted to marry. No other reason.


WC