So tired

So I started a new job yesterday and I was really hoping that this would help with my stress and anxiety over not having a job. But that has only give me more time to focus on my OCD. The range of my emotions is pretty much limited to the following; frustration, anger, irritation, and depression. I wake up with these emotions, go to work with these emotions, and go to bed with these emotions. My life has pretty much been a three month long "**** show" with brief interruptions of happiness. So I've grown really sick of it and would love some kind of relief. It seems no matter where I go or what I do these thoughts and emotions are with me. I just put on a brave face to keep the scared little boy hidden from the world. Im honestly starting to believe that I have a death wish; which such a drastic thought in my opinion.

Hello Stuck!nhead: I'm sorry you are having such a difficult time. Starting a new job produces its own set of anxiety & stress in my experience. Hopefully, as you get accustomed to your new job, this will ease & the stress & anxiety you had over not having a job will be gone as well. The Skeezyks sends hugs your way with the hope that it might be so.

You deserve a new job. Good Work.

Thanks, I had to get up at 4:30am this morning to get to work at 5:15am. Got off at 3:30pm to see psychiatrist, but would've worked until 6:30 pm. One hell of a way to start my Mondays from now on.

yes a new job could bring on alot of anxiety, but try to keep up the pace and try to concentrate while working. good luck

So third day and I do beleive that I will stick with this job a bit longer. It hasn't helped with my intrusive thoughts really. I still feel like im empty or that im suppose ti be doing something more meaningful. At least I can buy more stuff for my hobbies.

One step at the time.. You'll get better

I think that's a great way to look at things - you will have money in your pocket and can choose how to spend it, you hopefully have financial independence - good for you!

Many jobs aren't 'meaningful' as such, but they are purposeful and you are being productive as well as supporting yourself. Personally I find it helpful to seek 'meaningful' activity in other areas of my life than my paid job (volunteering, being with friends and even posting on here - your hobbies could be good examples too).

Hope the adjustment to your new working life works out well, it's still very early days.