[ntkys]

I was physically, verbally, emotionally and sexually abused by my dad... Physically, verbally and emotionally abused by my mum and physically and verbally abused by her boyfriend.
I've been in care since I was 7... The people who I now call my parents are lovely, but I am still sick from everything that happened as a child and my behaviour since.
It's worth noting that my foster dad never really did 'dad' things with me... That's probably why I looked up to and idolised the people I had the most in common with. Murderers

These thoughts used to be more common than they are now which is why I came here. They are coming back.
I never really had any friends or anything, and, my last job I was tediously washing cars all day which wasn't good for my sanity. Now I work somewhere I enjoy, somewhere that I have made friends. I've been more happier than I ever have... Yet I still dream of chaos and the freedom that it brings. There are no boundaries...

I don't know what input I expect, but thank you.
(Also, all 3-4 therapists I've seen have basically given up. Given multiple personality disorder diagnosis)

[Skeezyks]

Hello ntkys: I'm sorry you are experiencing this increase in these difficult thoughts. Hopefully being here on PsychCentral can be of some comfort & some support. I know you mentioned you've seen 3 or 4 therapists & they've given up on you. That is really sad. I know I've never had much luck with therapists either. It can take a while to find the right one for you, though. So I hope you can find a way to keep trying.

I see this is your first post here on PC. So... welcome to PsychCentral… from the Skeezyks! I hope you find the time you spend here to be of benefit.

PsychCentral is a great place to get information as well as support for mental health issues. There are many knowledgeable & caring members here. The more you post, & reply to other members’ posts, the more a part of the community you will become. Plus there are social groups you can join & chat rooms where you’ll be able to connect with other PC members in real time (once your first 5 posts have been reviewed & approved.) Lots of great stuff! So please keep posting!

[Thunder Bow]

Good work I see you have healed. Those thoughts will come and go. If they get over whelming see a Therapist again. You deserve success.

[pachyderm]

I had very bad thoughts, mostly not about other people, but about myself, at one time. (They are not completely gone.) But I realized that thoughts are thoughts, not actions. I think you might be surprised at how common disturbing thoughts are. I think there's plenty in our society to engender them. Don't get down on yourself too much for them.

[Deejay14]

Thoughts can be just what they are....just thought..you don't have to act on them,but if they are disturbing to you go back to therapy. Not all therapists are skilled in all things. It's probably worth seeing someone who works with DID competently. It might take a few extra phone calls but worth it for you. Wishing you the best.

[ntkys]

Thank you for the help. I'm a bit more relaxed now which is good.
I'd get another therapist however I work a lot and have probation