I often hear (or read) people say, after something bad's happened to them, that they HATE people pitying them, that pity is the last thing they want. Am I somehow weird since I'm the complete opposite - to me, people feeling bad for me (when it's actually warranted, of course) actually feels good. I wonder if there are others out there who feel the same way?

I just find it human to feel sorry and bad for someone when they're suffering..

[LucyG]

Your post reminds me of a scene in the old Seinfeld TV series where George, one of the characters says the pity is the most underrated emotion.

[Onward2wards]

Genuine concern and validation from others fills a basic human social need. I have heard arguments that pity is somehow demeaning but empathy is good, and yet the dictionary definitions are similar. Pity and sympathy are about feeling sorrow for another's misfortunes, empathy is about comprehending another person's thoughts and feelings (which could include pity/sympathy).

I think people who "don't want to be pitied" see pity as others being aware of their emotional state or misfortunes, while also seeing the pitied person as weak or unlucky somehow. That isn't the dictionary definition, but it's how some people apparently interpret "pity". We like to be understood, but not seen as a weak, unlucky, helpless person.

I can imagine that having others express obvious sorrow could cause some people to feel more self-conscious about what has happened to them and possibly feel judged somehow, which might cause a defensive interpretation on their part. It might be like "stop making me feel worse than I already am" for some people, even though their reaction to compassionate messages doesn't seem to make any sense from the outside.

[Unrigged64072835]

I think that people can see pity as condescending or demeaning. That is probably why they don't want it. Caring for the vulnerabilities of others, though, is a noble act.

[Artchic528]

I'd rather someone show me kindness from a place of authenticity and without being asked to do so, and not because they feel obligated either out of guilt, or because I was brought to their attention and made as a charity case.

Besides, receiving authentic and genuine kindness is a far greater feeling than making the person feel they have to be kind out of guilt or whatnot. It's just better.

I feel that those who like to be pitied don't often know what it's like to receive that genuine and authentic kindness, otherwise they wouldn't be so starved for such that they find being pitied to feel rewarding and all.

I've been in both situations. I've felt "pitied" and it felt condescending and as if the person was dismissing me and I've also been gang bullied and very grateful for the few people who pitied me (even if it didn't come from a good place). Being pitied might have saved my life once. People need what they need and there shouldn't be any judgement about it within reason. If it's an insatiable need that never gets filled I would seek treatment. (((Hugs to you)))

Thanks everyone! I, too, thought it might be about people not wanting to feel/be seen as weak.. And maybe some people want others to try to make them feel better or to solve the situation instead of feeling bad for them..