Resentment seems to be a common emotion of mine. I resent a lot in life.

The resentment I currently feel is that I have found out a big surprise party has been planned for my 50th birthday in a few weeks. I made it clear I wanted no observance of it. How dare my wishes be ignorred. I am now put in the tough position of pretending to be happy which couldn't be further from the truth.

I resent being put in this position.

[Yours_Truly]

Sorry about this. I have no desire to celebrate my birthdays any longer either. A nice dinner out, fine but, that's about it. From another POV, at least a surprise party can be planned for you. I can't think of anyone in my life who'd think of having one for me, let alone knowing anywhere near enough people to invite to make it a party.

[Thunder Bow]

You are Valid, so enjoy the party.

I validate your resentment. Is there any way for you to tune into the love and respect that others are expressing for you by insisting on celebrating this day in your honor, regardless of how you feel about it?

People want to love and honor you. You should be happy.

I understand, my husband has expressly told me he doesn't want to celebrate 'landmark' birthdays and we respect that - a persons birthday should be about what they want not other people want IMO.

You write you feel resentment a lot. Have you been able to explore why you feel that? Resentment can be felt when we feel we do what others want rather than what is right for us and we don't feel we are able to safely express our feelings about that. I have experienced resentment before and it is a very inwardly toxic feeling, it wasn't easy for me to learn to express my feelings healthily, it still can be a struggle sometimes, I was brought up to 'be good' and 'behave nicely' if that rings any bells.

[TishaBuv]

Why would they do it anyway if you said you really didn't want it?

I had just the opposite experience for my 40th birthday. I cried for weeks over that shyt show.

You could have fun with it and don't show up or show up naked or something else that will teach 'em.

On the one hand I'm ashamed to say I envy you because you have people in your life who would actually do that for you.

On the other hand I'm angry on your behalf. You told these people what you didn't want and they do it anyway, and now you are in such an awkward position because of it. That, to me, implies a ridiculous amount of disrespect.

I'm sorry I don't have advice.

thank you everyone.

I realize such an important milestone birthday is also important and significant to my father (it's not every day one's child reaches 50). I understand he wants to celebrate it with me.

I recently reitered my wishes to my boyfriend without, I hope, letting on I am aware of the party. I did so in the hope that he will contact my dad and suggest the event be called off. Gosh I hope this is so.

I have even thought of making a Facebook post reminding friends and family to respect my wishes.

In the meantime I have been practising the best smile I can muster up.

[MickeyCheeky]

(((justafriend))) I understand your feelings. And yes, you're doing the right thing by letting them know, even if indirectly... wish you good luck