I've been so terrified of embarrassment that I've pretty much stopped living.. Actually, I think I've had embarrassment mixed up with shame - I've suffered from a lot of deep shame due to childhood abandonment. I now know that was not my fault and am working on getting rid of any lingering shame as I think it's toxic.

However, I'm starting to feel that maybe embarrassment is different from shame.. Maybe it's something we all experience and not something I should get rid of. I've just been SO afraid of being laughed at, ridiculed or shut out of social circles that I've done anything to avoid situations where I might embarrass myself..

But this is now getting in the way of me working, seeing my friends - living my life! So, I've decided that whatever embarrassment comes my way, I accept it. No matter how badly I 'humiliate' myself, I won't abandon myself. I'm going to become one of those people who just smile even if their face is burning red!

It's weird because I always thought that in order to protect myself, I should avoid embarrassment at all costs.. But writing this now, I actually feel my body relaxing - like this is yet another way to give myself permission to be more like my true self, not some robot that doesn't feel what she's feeling..

Shame to me is deeper than embarassment. I don't know how I could live with people finding out about what I am ashamed of. They certainly wouldn't laugh.

And that is for me what embarrassment is about - being laughed at. I consider humiliation to simply be an incredibly acute state of embarrassment.

I have spent a great deal of life making choices based on avoiding the perception I might be laughed at. I have made some really hard decisions that haven't always been the best for me just to avoid a potentially embarrassing situation.

[Thunder Bow]

You doing well, just keep on with that healing.

Thank you so much for the replies! I'm so glad this generated a bit of discussion, these emotions can be so difficult to even admit to, let alone talk about..

justafriend, I completely agree that shame is deeper than embarrassment.. Starting this thread actually got me thinking about this more and more. I feel that shame is something you learn, usually probably in early childhood - it becomes a belief that 'I'm not good, I'm bad, I shouldn't exist'.

It's actually funny that only after I'd started this thread did I realise that I don't really even know what I mean by embarrassment Or, I find it hard to put it into words.. But I feel that embarrassment always requires other people to be present, or at least the thought of doing something 'embarrassing' in front of other people.. Frankly, I think embarrassment comes from the thought 'Oh, what must they think of me?!' So.. It's basically low self-esteem??

Whereas I think shame initially requires someone else to 'humiliate' you, for instance, when a parent abandons a kid - the kid then thinks, 'It's my fault, there's something about me that made them do it' - but it can then become the kid's (and later, adult's) own belief, thought that they're bad.

So, embarrassment is me doing something and then fearing others will banish me for it - whereas shame is someone else doing something and teaching me I'm worth nothing.. Which, of course, is never true - we're all worth something just for being born!

I constantly read that we're given trials and tribulations so that we'd learn something, and that these things are going to keep coming back until we've learned the lesson.

The other day, I was having a particularly hard time with this really severe bowel disease I have, and thought to myself in exasperation, 'WHY did something that leads to a billion embarrassing situations all the time have to hit ME who am the most shame-prone person I know!'

Then I suddenly heard this small voice in my head saying, 'Maybe that's exactly why. Shame-inducing things are going to keep happening to me until I learn there's nothing to be ashamed of!'

Even though this doesn't make the embarrassing situations any easier to handle nor any less painful, it still feels like a relief.. Now I feel I'm actually working towards something instead of just suffering for no reason!

Originally Posted by justafriend306

Shame to me is deeper than embarassment. I don't know how I could live with people finding out about what I am ashamed of. They certainly wouldn't laugh.

And that is for me what embarrassment is about - being laughed at. I consider humiliation to simply be an incredibly acute state of embarrassment.

I have spent a great deal of life making choices based on avoiding the perception I might be laughed at. I have made some really hard decisions that haven't always been the best for me just to avoid a potentially embarrassing situation.

I'm the same, it's very painful and debilitating. It's taken away my life and there's not much anyone can do about it. Shame lies at the very heart of my problems/phobias - toxic shame - and due to it's pervasiveness, is the cause [imo] of why I fall into the behaviours of avoidant personality disorder. In spite of my best efforts the final defence has become isolation, but even then it still wants to attack me.

Anyway, I appreciated relating to peoples thoughts in this thread, thank you.