[KimberlyQ]

I haven't been here in a while. It's been a very hard year for me. I finally cut ties with my psychopath father, then discovered he is a pedophile who raped my little sister for years. Processing that changes everything I thought I knew about my life for fifty years. Then I learned he molested another relative, who was like an older sister to me.

Feeling sick and sad most of the time; I wonder, what are the odds I escaped his advances? I have some feelings and fragments that I am unsure whether they are dreams or memories that actually happened.

I have a lump in my throat, like I need to cry forever. Anxiety attacks. Drinking more than usual, afraid to get off the couch.

And it is hard to ask for help when my sister has been more traumatized than me. She has been in a hurricane of PTSD this year as the memories of abuse came back to her. I've been there for her, and I am so exhausted...

[Crazygrl882]

I think this is a good time to start with a support group. I began attending a sexual assault survivors group and they dealt with sexual assault in all its forms, from adolescence to adulthood, friends, family, to strangers. You could pick the groups you wished to attend. I would hope you would have a center like this where you live. This seriously changed my life. I was the victim of sexual assault as "date rape" several times and got over it but when it happened from a stranger I knew I needed further help and found this local center through my therapist and it was life changing. It was all free but you had to be accepted as a member (I'm sure you would be). Please look into it. Group therapy with others with similar experiences is more effective than one on one and the art therapy, which I would have scoffed at, was so insightful! Wow, it really helped me get past that dark period in my life. Before that I was like you, glued to the TV all day, couldn't concentrate, drinking more than usual, horrible panic attacks and insomnia (until I was prescribed medication that basically knocked me out). Please try therapy..... Keep me updated if possible Sending hugs and love.

[June55]

Sometimes you need to step back and take care of yourself. Taking care of yourself doesn't take away from what happened to your sister. What happened to her shouldn't make you feel less about what you are feeling. You are important and need to look after yourself.

[KimberlyQ]

Thank you both so much. I do see a therapist once a week. Maybe I will talk to her about group therapy. I am actually an amateur artist - getting out my paints would probably be good therapy for me. Sometimes I go look at the paints - but just the thought of starting something seems to overwhelm me. I will try and push through and actually start something this week.

[Erebos]

My best wishes to you. I am sorry to hear all you have been through, although I don't paint I do write short stories and can very much relate to the desire to create, then becoming something overwhelming and too much.
*trigger warning relating to abuser behaviour*

Possible trigger:

I cannot speak for your situation, but it's not unheard of for an abusive parent to only pick out one child to act out on. They are talented at spotting those who will be easily manipulated. Sometimes using it as leverage. ' behave or else I will hurt your sibling...' That is t to say you weren't, just that it's not a given.

Crazy is right, time for yourself is just as important, and reminding yourself there are others out there can sometimes make all the diffrence.

All the best and remember, one day at a time. Maybe give yourself one task to do tomorrow. Walk along the block. Or take a photo of something that caught your attention. Nothing major just little things for yourself each day.

Take care.