Loneliness, desperation and pain

I've felt lonely most of my recent life, and this has made me feel desperate, extremely desperate



Instead, desperation led me to do other things I now regret, but regret cannot fix the consequences.

Being alone doesn't only cause pain, but makes people do things that cause more pain.

I wish I had someone to talk to before I did what I did. But all I can do now is to live the consequences, and continue to live the pain whole my life. I've transformed the temporary pain into a permanent one.

Please if you feel lonely, reach out to the appropriate people who aren't judgmental and feed on others' problems, and let them help you.

This is all I can say now.

Hello Lonely Warrior: The Skeezyks also lives with the consequences of past actions. It all happened many years ago. There's nothing I can do about any of it now. (I've made a couple of those do-it-yourself efforts you alluded to.) It simply is what it is. So I strive to accept what is in my past... with compassion. As the 11th century Buddhist yogini Machig Labdrön said: "In other traditions demons are expelled externally. But in my tradition demons are accepted with compassion." I wish you well...

The Skeezyks is right acceptance and compassion are the answers. We all make bad decisions at times and we can't take them back but we can try not to repeat them. Pick up the pieces and carry on.

What did you do?

I'm sorry.. I feel pretty lonely too

I think self compassion is an important thing to strive for - for many of us it's not easy.

Have you seen any of Kristin Neff's TED talks on self compassion? I found them helpful.

Hi Lonely Warrior. I myself have struggled (and still do) with the same things you're dealing with. One thing that helps me is to know that emotions are not forever, and they pass like waves in the ocean. I really like Prefabsprout's idea on watching Ted talks. I hear that Kristen Neff is really good (I know she wrote a book on self compassion), and we all need to be more compassionate with ourselves. Other things that help me: meditation, going for a brisk walk, watching something funny on youtube. I hope you feel better. And keep posting!

I myself at one point was so lonely, I did things I am not proud of.

I found that boredom lead to or increased loneliness and, for me, inappropriate ways to relieve it.

I find being spontaneous difficult. So, I schedule activities, even those that are mundane like reading, writing, and art. That takes up my time and lessens the boredom which in turn helps the loneliness.

I ensure I get out several times a week - even to people watch at the mall.

As for socialization. I was new to the area making the loneliness even harsher. Joining a Support Group and attending a drop-in program were significant factors in turning this around. There is something to be said about the social aspects of being among people one shares things in common with. I have since developed acquaintanceships and occasionally socialize outside the group meetings.

Do you have family around? My brother has actually been a great source for the development of acquaintanceships as he has included me in group activities.

Making an effort to stay away from making internet 'friends' has actually helped me form relationships in real life.

Good luck!