[ZenZeta]

so after a gut wrenching breakup with a Narcissistic A**HOLE, I started attending Codependents Anonymous meetings and WOW!!!! I'm learning so much about myself and why I've been on this hamster wheel all my life, BUT there's a big elephant in the room that I want to remove, but I'm afraid...

Ex BF was a ballroom dance instructor. In fact, I met him at the one class I attended but decided never to return to. Fast forward to three years later when our paths UNFORTUNATELY crossed again and he put me through HELL during the majority of our short lived relationship.

Well, during that time, he gave me private lessons and despite what he says, I was getting pretty good -- good enough to actually start enjoying dancing.

Since our demise, I have been practicing on my own, but I really need to practice with a partner which means I probably need to go to a class.

Therein lies the problem. He's pretty known in the ballroom circle and I don't think I'm ready to run into him or anyone he may know. I know it's codependent to worry about what others think, but I could easily see how weird it would be if we ran into each other.

Since I didn't do the classes before and I did run into him, due to his Narc Egotism, he would probably think I was trying to purposely be around him. In addition, I don't really know how I would act in his presence.

While I'm planning on giving things at least a couple more months to cool off, I don't want to give him power by NOT doing something I enjoy or jumping through hoops to avoid him. The closest class where I MAY not run into him is 1.5 hours away.

UGH!!!! It's irritating to me that this jerk still has somewhat of a hold on my despite my healing progress. Thoughts?

[Skeezyks]

Hello ZenZeta: Thanks for sharing your quandary. It does sound as thought this is one of those "damned if you do & damned if you don't" sorts of situations. From what you wrote, it sounds to me as though you are on the right track. Take some time to let the situation cool off & then get back in there & dance!

[TheRose]

Originally Posted by ZenZeta

so after a gut wrenching breakup with a Narcissistic A**HOLE, I started attending Codependents Anonymous meetings and WOW!!!! I'm learning so much about myself and why I've been on this hamster wheel all my life, BUT there's a big elephant in the room that I want to remove, but I'm afraid...

Ex BF was a ballroom dance instructor. In fact, I met him at the one class I attended but decided never to return to. Fast forward to three years later when our paths UNFORTUNATELY crossed again and he put me through HELL during the majority of our short lived relationship.

Well, during that time, he gave me private lessons and despite what he says, I was getting pretty good -- good enough to actually start enjoying dancing.

Since our demise, I have been practicing on my own, but I really need to practice with a partner which means I probably need to go to a class.

Therein lies the problem. He's pretty known in the ballroom circle and I don't think I'm ready to run into him or anyone he may know. I know it's codependent to worry about what others think, but I could easily see how weird it would be if we ran into each other.

Since I didn't do the classes before and I did run into him, due to his Narc Egotism, he would probably think I was trying to purposely be around him. In addition, I don't really know how I would act in his presence.

While I'm planning on giving things at least a couple more months to cool off, I don't want to give him power by NOT doing something I enjoy or jumping through hoops to avoid him. The closest class where I MAY not run into him is 1.5 hours away.

UGH!!!! It's irritating to me that this jerk still has somewhat of a hold on my despite my healing progress. Thoughts?

Well this is incredible because I had a very similar experience myself!

Unfortunately, I think narcissism is huge in the ballroom dance community, and I mean no offense by this. There is just a lot of ego involved.

I took ballroom lessons for years and felt like you, I thought I was good enough to actually enjoy it. However, one of the ways the fellas get ya is by becoming your own "personal instructor" -- beyond the regular lessons. There is a lot of trust that must go into a partnership, they twirl you, lift you and lead you through difficult sequences (and as Ginger Rogers pointed out, we are doing it backwards AND in heels)...

Well I had a disastrous relationship with my dance partner (aka tormentor). I continued to take lessons for a while afterwards, but the fun had been taken out of it for me and fear had taken over. I never want to go through that again. I do know where you are coming from, and I would not want to be in the presence of my former partner either.

That said, I encourage you to do what you are passionate about, no matter what he thinks. Your presence, or absence, will not effect his self-inflated ego, they will always find someone to adore them

Best wishes