I was talking to a friend the other day and she was saying how happy she is she's learned to love herself and her body thanks to her current relationship.. I was hit with such intense jealousy I don't know what to do with it

I feel so many people I know are so far ahead of me in sorting their lives out.. And I feel like this jealousy is eating me up inside.

My instant gut reaction was to say something mean and try to ruin my friend's happiness, but I don't want to act like that anymore.. I want to learn to deal with my jealousy in ways that won't hurt anyone. Anyone have any ideas or wisdom regarding this?

Actually, it helps just getting this out! Being able to say I'm jealous I find people most often really resent others feeling jealous, and I've been ashamed whenever I've felt it.. Owning up to it now feels like I've taken away the shame!

I also recognise my thinking's faulty.. I feel I want the good things others have easily - but that's not how it goes for most people. Most people have (had) to work hard and go through a lot of cr* to get to a better place. I'm just not there yet - I'm walking my own path, but at least I'm doing it instead of burying my head in the sand

[leejosepho]

Originally Posted by not.dead.yet

I feel so many people I know are so far ahead of me in sorting their lives out.. And I feel like this [envy] is eating me up inside.

Jealousy is what your friend would likely feel if the other half of her relationship suddenly began shifting affection toward you. So the feeling your are mentioning there is actually envy, and there is nothing wrong with being envious of a good feeling someone else might have.

Originally Posted by not.dead.yet

My instant gut reaction was to say something mean and try to ruin my friend's happiness, but I don't want to act like that anymore..

There is where envy can lead to covetousness and trying to either take something away from someone or to destroy it, but then neither of you would have it.

Originally Posted by not.dead.yet

I want to learn to deal with [all of this] in ways that won't hurt anyone...

Maybe ask your friend for some tips or advice about how to get there.

[Thunder Bow]

Best to to compare yourself to others. That is a short cut to feeling bad about yourself.

Well your impulse feeling is just that, and you stepped back from it and stopped yourself from acting on it. I'd say that you took a big positive step there.

You knew that by putting your friend down you would only harm your friendship.

I wonder if this feeling you have may be a positive cue to change things in your own life? So you can feel happier.

Btw I do not think it is healthy to rely on one relationship (like your friend is) to experience happiness - it is too fragile.

[MickeyCheeky]

It looks like you're already doing big steps bu yourself - keep it up. Jealousy is normal sometimes, just don't let it consume you, ok?

[alpacalicious]

For me jealosuy comes in my life when I start to compare myself to others. Maybe I see a friend of mine who seems to be happy and who laughs and talks about their succesful life. But this is only appearence. Maybe one person has a beautiful life, but also this person can struggle a lot sometimes. I think that everyone have their struggles, even if their life seems so beautiful and ok. So I think it's better to stop comparing yourself with others, and try to focus your energy on improving yourself. If you are jealous and envy others, maybe you have something in you life or about yourself that you dislike, maybe you want to change. Try to think what do you want to achieve to feel better with yourself.

If you can, try to avoid ruminating over this. It is a vicious cycle once you enter it.

In my case I forced myself to get out. I also forced myself to contact acquaintances - even those I had lost touch with. This seemed like such a daunting task to me. I was Anxious as it put myself at risk of rejection. But this never happened. I still keep myself at arms length away but the loneliness was abated. I happened to meet someone because I reached out.

[LadyShadow]

I used to be like this, in fact years ago I used to post a lot on PC about how I was so behind from all my friends. The biggest trigger for me was Facebook and seeing everyone so happy and involved in their lives. Well I deleted Facebook and got rid of all my friends.

BY NO MEANS AM I TELLING YOU TO DO THAT!!!

I am just saying it's okay to be jealous and envious and posting and venting about it is a healthy step in the right direction. Your feelings are valid, just remember that. The absolute worst thing (someone already mentioned it) is COMPARE yourself to others. What is happy for some maybe another's misery. You will get where you want in time, and life is not all shiny and roses either. I am sure your friend has bad times she doesn't tell you about. People have a good way of masking things. Just BE YOU, and be kind to yourself everyday, that's the best thing you can do.

Hugs!!

Yep, social media was the worst for me - everyone wants to appear to have a perfect life. I used to fall for it. I was always envious of the good that seemed to happen to every one - especially the fact they were in relationships. I have culled back my friend lists on social media to those I only know in real life. That seemed to greatly reduce the incidents of envy.

I just posted on another thread the fact that everyone will have things they are unhappy with in their lives.Everyone worries about what peope think of them, about being happy, and faces an amount of stress. No one has a perfect life. No one considers their life to be easy.

I spent years envious of working relationships. It came to a point that it was a crisis. Although I didn't realize the therapy was modelled on CBT, some self-help programs actually helped. It gave me coping skills about improving my self-worth, and helped me deconstruct the 'catastrophe' I considered not having a relationship to be. My mistake? I stopped doing the work.

Originally Posted by justafriend306

Yep, social media was the worst for me - everyone wants to appear to have a perfect life. I used to fall for it. I was always envious of the good that seemed to happen to every one - especially the fact they were in relationships. I have culled back my friend lists on social media to those I only know in real life. That seemed to greatly reduce the incidents of envy.

I just posted on another thread the fact that everyone will have things they are unhappy with in their lives.Everyone worries about what peope think of them, about being happy, and faces an amount of stress. No one has a perfect life. No one considers their life to be easy.

I spent years envious of working relationships. It came to a point that it was a crisis. Although I didn't realize the therapy was modelled on CBT, some self-help programs actually helped. It gave me coping skills about improving my self-worth, and helped me deconstruct the 'catastrophe' I considered not having a relationship to be. My mistake? I stopped doing the work.

You know what is the craziest thing about being envious of relationships we perceive as ideal? We have absolutely no idea what those relationships are really like.

My son was recently telling me parents of a school friend have split up, this couple seemed so 'together' in a way that did make me feel envious I'm ashamed to say, but obviously things were not as it seemed. Likewise an ex-colleague who appeared to have the most adoring relationship with her husband have recently separated.

It's not just on facebook where there is an illusion. People only let us see what they want us to see.

[Shazerac]

Jealousy is an emotion. Never beat yourself up for having feelings. You didnt act on it and that shows maturity and strength.