[Solrock]

I've had dreams and aspirations my entire life. I've tried so hard to get there and I feel so pathetic because I never get anywhere. I've listened to advice on how to achieve, I've took advice, I've been proactive, I've talked with people, I've begged, I've done every little thing I can think of for over 30 years.

Nothing has worked. I've gone nowhere. There was one point earlier this year where I almost got to the point where I could believe that things could get better. For daring to think that I've been rewarded with depression and/or anxiety ever since.

I need proof. I need someone or something to prove to me that there is a point to trying. I need proof that there is a way to get from Point A to Point B, 150% guaranteed, no exceptions, A to B, done.

It doesn't have to be big. Even proof of something minor would mean SO MUCH to me right now.

I talked to a crisis line about this once and was told it sounds like I expect the world on a platter. I don't. And I don't care if that's what I sound like. I don't care if I sound selfish anymore.

If I can't see proof that trying will get me anything, I'm going to stop. Because after 30 years of trying, I feel like the butt of everyone's joke.

[Gojamadar]

Hi,
The question is: Where or what are you aiming at?
If you're aimin beyond your capability you're bound to be dissapointed. Take some advice from a friend or a counsellor.
Are you qualified enoughf for the job you're aiming for?
Have you the staying power to achive your goal?

I too am wondering about your goals. What are they and how realistic are they? Are you biting off more than you can chew? Have you formulated a plan to get there?

As a manager, trying to encourage self improvement, role modeling desired behavior, or counseling people on goal setting, there are several 'rules' to achieving such betterment...

1. Set realistic, achievable goals
2. plan incremental steps to achieving the final goal
3. the steps must be measurable
4. the steps must have a reasonable timeline attached
5. reward yourself each time you achieve one of the increments to the final goal.
6. regularly review your plan and amend it as neccessary

Its okay for things not to work out. Sometimes, it's not supposed to and its not your fault at all. Sometimes, life demands for us to question ourselves. Sometimes when we go after what we want, we begin to lose track of where we are in the moment. Chasing our dreams is one of the best things in the world - but when we're not reaching where we want to be, its hard not to feel like we've gotten nowhere. I think questions are one of the closest ways to finding that proof. We all want validation of our worth, and there is nothing wrong with that. I just want you to know; that we all have worth, no matter where we may be in life~

I, too, agree we should become clear of our goals - and equally as importantly why we want to achieve those goals. The why of the goal is just as important as the goal itself. So let the why of the goal be of benefit to you too. And, go for one small thing at a time. We aren't meant to be able to pay full 100% attention to more than one direction at a time. When we really zone in and focus on one small thing, that's when we're able to do our best and truly pour our heart into it~

[MickeyCheeky]

Can you try to re-define your goals, if it's not working? What have you tried specifically to achieve them?

[Solrock]

I didn't mention what my goals are because they're nothing extravagant. They're what almost every single person my age has: a job, a house, a family.

I've tried EVERYTHING for a job: voc rehab (where they treat you like a criminal), job boards, temp agencies, Internet job searches, for the past ten years. I got one job that was a dead-end job for 3 years where I barely made any money, and I got a temp job where I was promised to be kept on and then fired without warning and without reason.

I want a house. I don't want to live in my parents' basement any more. Every single day I do, I feel like a failure.

I want a family. I've had dates that have led nowhere, or no one is interested, I try to interact with the people I'm interested and nothing ever seems to go anywhere.

And that's not even going into some of the health issues I have that I'd rather not go into. I don't have anything that prevents me from physically doing things, but they don't do wonders for my self-esteem.

I've worked hard to achieve this for TEN YEARS. And I am exactly where I am ten years ago. Nowhere. At best I feel like a failure. On the worst days I just feel like I'm a joke that everyone's rolling their eyes over or having a laugh at.

This is very frustrating I can see, and I understand.

Good for you for taking the Vocational training. I'm sorry it didn't work out.

I have a few thoughts on finding work (I am unemployed myself as my PTSD and Anxiety just are too big a problem; but, I have a plan in mind when the time comes): Visit your local Mental Health Association. They ought to have a vocational counselor there to help you in such a quest. They will also have a list of jobs and employers willing to hire persons with mental health issues and needs. Visit your Unemployment Office. They can help you with selecting the best positions to apply for that fit your needs, training, and experience. They can direct you to programs that can provide training and experience you may require. Some of these programs pay you to attend. Here there are government programs that place you in on-the-job paid taining scenarios. There are also, as you have already experienced, temporary agencies. I believe that if you were let go from such a placement it was the fault of the agency for not better matching you to a position.

Be prepared to start in an entry level position.

If you have something you want to do, contact a business in that field and ask them what they look for in a hire.

These are just a few ideas that have come to mind.

[Solrock]

Originally Posted by justafriend306

Visit your local Mental Health Association. They ought to have a vocational counselor there to help you in such a quest. They will also have a list of jobs and employers willing to hire persons with mental health issues and needs. Visit your Unemployment Office. They can help you with selecting the best positions to apply for that fit your needs, training, and experience. They can direct you to programs that can provide training and experience you may require. Some of these programs pay you to attend. Here there are government programs that place you in on-the-job paid taining scenarios.

Thanks for the tips. I'm not sure if the mental health association will reach out to help me. My depression is only recent, and I'm actually getting better. My anxiety I've had with for a while but I have that under control to - I've had anxiety (and once even a panic attack) at work and managed to keep it hidden and continue my job.

I should also mention that getting anxiety or having any kind of anxiety/panic attack is extremely rare. The amount of time I've been employed adds up to about 4 years and I think I only had 2 attacks during that time at work.

The unemployment office I have here is about as useful as vocational rehab. It's never really gotten me anywhere. (Also think it's sketchy. I once asked to make an appointment in person and the person told me I had to schedule one for next month. I left and called about 10 minutes later on the phone and the same person told me she could make schedule appointment for NEXT WEEK.)

But I'm rambling now. I am starting to feel better. I think I'll just have to broaden my search and try ANY job, really. Even seasonal or part-time. Something as a starting point.

I completely forgot! Volunteering. I volunteer several times a month at my local museum. There has been some indication there may be work available for me at such time I wish to do so.

[BLUEDOVE]

Quote:"Everything depends on me." And it does!

[Solrock]

Originally Posted by BLUEDOVE

Quote:"Everything depends on me." And it does!

But of course. I'm just saying that sometimes nothing I do seems to be enough and that is discouraging. It's like it's out of my control.

There is another goal in life I'm trying to accomplish but the reason I don't list this is because it's 100% what I put into it. I'm in complete control of it. And sometimes it's this that encourages me to go on. So there's that I suppose.