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Magnate
Member Since Jun 2016
Location: U.S.
Posts: 2,582
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#1
I have a problem looking towards others to feel better about myself. When I fail to make the people I care about happy, I always ask, "What's wrong with me? I internalize things in romantic relationships, wondering why I am not enough. I always feel need to please everyone.
Does anyone else here struggle with 'people pleasing' tendencies? Any advice on how to work towards breaking this cycle? |
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MickeyCheeky, Sarmas, shezbut
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shezbut
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Member
Member Since Aug 2013
Location: Indiana
Posts: 304
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#2
I struggle with this majorly. This is something that my therapist and I were working on because this kind of thinking has put my in some really bad situations. I am not sure how to fix it and I don't think I ever will because I am giving up on therapy. Hopefully someone will be able to be more help than I am to you. (((Hugs)))
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avlady, MickeyCheeky, shezbut, xRavenx
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xRavenx
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#3
If more people were like this the world would've been a brighter place.
Doing something for someone is one thing, but doing something for someone and feel good afterwards? That is a bonus for selflessness! But know this - not everyone deserves being given something. What I can advice you is to recognize who deserves giving and who doesn't. Thee worse someone makes you feel in general, the less giving they deserve. |
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avlady
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QueenCopper, xRavenx
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Magnate
Member Since Jun 2016
Location: U.S.
Posts: 2,582
8 8,141 hugs
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#4
Quote:
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avlady
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#5
Another advice I can give you is to see if there's anything you need.
Then you can work on asking others for help, as an exchange. It will both literally help you, and make you feel less "used". If someone refuses, don't help them anymore. If someone can't help you out, help them less. If someone is willing to and is helping you, keep them. If someone is willing but can't help you, let time tell. |
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avlady
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Junerain, shezbut, xRavenx
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Grand Member
Member Since Apr 2016
Location: Ny
Posts: 860
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#6
Quote:
It's funny that you say that because ever since I had sessions with my at I've been more aware of pleasing people even more than the norm for me. My grimness husband just passed at a very young age and lately I've been giving so much of myself and doing so much for her that I'm Almost losing myself. I went a little above and beyond today and I really shouldn't have because I've placed myself in a bad predicament so now I have to make things work for me. i think that when we please people we lose ourselves a bit. It's important to make a mental note and remind ourselves that we count. Our happiness and opinions count. I'm thinking that we put everyone else first and ourselves last. I'm sure it's tied into our past. I guess we have to remember to place ourselves first and take care of ourselves in order for us to be able to help others when time comes. I've had to learn to say no and I'm getting better at it but I still fall for it. I don't think it's fair for you to hold yourself liable for someone else's happiness. At a point like that try to accept that you've done the best you could do for someone. |
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avlady, MickeyCheeky, xRavenx
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xRavenx
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Magnate
Member Since Jun 2016
Location: U.S.
Posts: 2,582
8 8,141 hugs
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#7
Quote:
I do need to give myself credit at times when I try my best. I guess I just like to see results and seek validation, but I know that's not how the world works all the time. I know that I shouldn't be so hard on myself and that I need to practice taking better care of myself, but when I attempt to do this, there seems to be backlash from others where they accuse me of not being there for them as much when I do make a change. I'll have to adopt the philosophy that you can't please everyone though. I still feel there's a need within me that's not being met....but I just can't figure out what it is. |
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avlady, Sarmas
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Junerain, Sarmas
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Legendary
Member Since Jun 2016
Location: Italy
Posts: 11,817
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#8
I struggle with this too..
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avlady
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Member
Member Since Jul 2016
Location: canada
Posts: 198
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#9
hi there
i used to try to please everyone too, i had a hard time saying no or speaking up for myself for fear they would end up not liking me anymore. NOT good way to live, you need to work on your selfesteem and loving yourself more. at the end of the day not everyone will like you, not everyone is like you. as you get older and with more experience you will start to realize these things... take care |
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avlady
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Grand Member
Member Since Apr 2016
Location: Ny
Posts: 860
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#10
Quote:
Now I'm not in session and dealing with theses issues along with others. For me it's a daily battle. I love to please others but most of the time it's not a win win situation. I give up time and effort and then somehow I end up losing towards the end in some fashion. It's a vicious cycle. It's true that we can't please everyone. Unfortunately in certain cases it doesn't matter how Much you do and still others think that it's not enough of sub par. I guess we are looking for that validation but this is not the way. |
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Grand Member
Member Since Nov 2011
Posts: 794
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#11
You are STILL trying to get approval/love from parents,
recognise this,and that you come first. |
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Wise Elder
Community Liaison
Member Since Jan 2013
Location: angola ny
Posts: 9,794
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#12
i have a problem with this too. it is something i learned from my mother.She is so selfless but i don't want to be that way anymore as people walk all over me because i don't have the right words or actions to work with. sometimes others will stick up for me and i feel 3 inches tall.
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