[worrist]

Like the title says, i keep thinking about this one incident that occurred as a kid. I was cutting the grass and I was probably around 13 or so. When I finished, I was so proud that I had cut the grass I went and told my parents. My dad came out and instead of thanking me and telling me something positive (remember this was the first time I had cut the grass), he goes on to tell me every part of the lawn that I missed. I was hurt. Very hurt. He passed away 8 years ago and I really wished that I would have had the courage to tell him how I felt on that day.

Even now as a 45 year old male, I still think about it. And it still really bothers me. These feelings came up again when i was vacuuming my daughters room and my wife kept telling me where to vacuum. Those feelings I had as a 13 year old came up again. I know my wife didn't mean it like that, because I told her how I felt but it still really bugs me. I want to let it go. I really do, but those feelings just keeps coming back. And that really bothers me.

Any thoughts?

[Skeezyks]

I don't think we ever truly get past these sorts of things. I know I certainly have my own collection. What I strive to do is to accept them... with compassion.

[gayleggg]

Maybe you could write a letter to your dad and tell him how you felt and then either burn or bury it.

Or maybe you could do some role playing by sitting two chairs facing each other. Then start off sitting in one and pretend that your dad is in the other one and tell him how you felt then change chairs and pretend that you are your dad and tell yourself what you wish he say back to you.

[worrist]

My T recommended the same thing. I wrote a pretty long letter and read out loud to myself. It felt good to get it out. It's just those emotions keep coming back. Not quite as often as they used to. I guess that's progress, right?

[kecanoe]

If your t does EMDR, that might be helpful. It can be very helpful with triggering events.

Yes, I too remember hurtful remarks from my father very often. I say how I feel to him sometimes, but he keeps saying that he is my father as if this gives him a pass!! I don't really know how to handle my emotions regarding all of this. I sometimes talk to myself and create scenarios arguing with him about all of this, and I get angry going through them. It makes me crazy!! To him it's just a remark, but to a me everything negative he did or said has hugely affected my personality and self-esteem!!

[Thunder Bow]

You were seeking a connection with your parents then, by cutting the grass and wanted to be acknowledged. Your father was afraid of that reaching out. That why he was so distant in your childhood. He was afraid of those more sensitive feelings.