[Nameless being]

To be honest, I'm not sure where to start. So I'll begin with how I am physically/socially and how I am mentally/emotionally. I socialize with most people where I work and family members when I see them. How I am with other people is normal. I'm basically a normal person when hanging around other people. But when I see or hear certain things (something on TV or a song or whatever) or even begin to think on things of the past that make me internally angry I become different. No one knows this or can even tell because I keep it inside. But my anger about certain painful things that has happened awakens a deep hatred within me. That hatred breeds a bloodlust.

Possible trigger:

No, I have never killed anyone or attempted to do so. It's not that I want to actually kill a person but instead I desire to feel what it's like to kill.Almost like an addiction to something that I can't shake unless I succumb to that addiction.

I know this doesn't make sense but I'm trying to explain it.

Possible trigger:

I don't want to kill a random person. I don't want to kill a particular person. I just want blood. That is what my bloodlust is.

This bloodlust isn't your average hot headed angry individual who is blinded by rage. This bloodlust I have makes me a totally different person. Almost like I'm in a hysterical state. Always smiling with gritted teeth and breathing heavily and I my body shakes. I hate to say it but it's almost like a possession in a way. It's like my entire body is coursing with power beyond measure. I haven't been "fully bloodlusted" in a very long time. But at times I can feel it brewing inside me, but only if I fall into an emotional state that triggers my hatred. I don't know if there is anyone here who even comes close to feeling the same way or can even begin to know what I'm talking about. But I'm not ok with this. I'm tired of being a monster. I don't need to know why this happens. I already know why I am this way. I want to know how to put an end to it. Or maybe control it.

Does this urge go away when you're calm down and not raging in anger?

[Nameless being]

Originally Posted by Mr. Stranger

Does this urge go away when you're calm down and not raging in anger?

Yes. Or when I don't have my mind on painful things.

I think you need to be careful not to act on these thoughts when angry. Do you talk them to any one, professional or otherwise?

[Nameless being]

No I haven't spoke to a professional. I have told some people who are close to me about it. Unfortunately, they were of no help.

Originally Posted by Nameless being

No I haven't spoke to a professional. I have told some people who are close to me about it. Unfortunately, they were of no help.

I'm not sure how they could've helped you. Feeling angry and wanting to hurt people who hurt you is normal, but what you are describing is very extreme, and seems not justified. Like wanting to kill people only to experience how it feels. Maybe knowing that can help you control your anger and adjust your thoughts. Avoid those who trigger you.

[Nameless being]

Anger is a key, yes. But the more I self reflect the more I understand. I came to learn that it's not really the anger itself but it's the specific reason/motive behind the anger. In other words, it's my emotional stability. I happen to love very strongly. And as I must admit, sometimes my love can become more of a need or an addiction. And if that object of love is lost or taken away, an even more powerful hatred replaces it. Hatred+Emotional pain=Bloodlust. Maybe this is wrong but it's the best I can come up with.

You need to learn how to process your anger properly. Life is full of disappointments.

[Artchic528]

I'd see about seeing someone who specializes in Anger Management. Preferably BEFORE something bad happens.