Birthdays

Birthdays are so tough.
They suck because last year (for many years prior)... I always think things will be different "next year"...but they never are- for the last few years~ life's been significantly worse.
They suck because I'm reminded just how alone in life I am...
They suck because I didn't want to or think I would make it to Christmas... But, unfortunately I did...and now it's my birthday...
Mine sucks because occasionally my father pops up... But when I'm somewhat mentally "prepared"~nothing. But when I think he's gone (again)/forgotten~ boom... I get a message. Often not on the right day- but around the right time.
*sigh*
It's always interesting to see who remembers.
I just neede a safe place to say all that. There is no "happy" in birthdays. Hasn't been for a long, long time.
I'm just sick of being depressed and sad and crying. I hate being unstable... And feeling crazy.
And I hate having birthdays....
Are birthdays challenging for anyone else?

Personally, I don't celebrate my birthdays. I haven't actually since I was probably 10 years old or so. Only my parents, brothers, and sisters remember my birthday, and they say basically "Happy birthday" over the phone or with a text message. I don't have friends to remember my birthday. That's why maybe I don't pay attention to my birthday, and consider it just as another day. But it's just me. However, I can imagine how it feels when there is a social occasion and you don't feel happy. It's overwhelming.

I'm sorry you feel this way.. at least they come just once a year, right? Although I understand your struggle

My birthday makes me cry now .

My birthday depresses me. It has ever since my mother died. She always enjoyed it so much it's just not the same anymore.

I keep hoping everyone will be my last.