I came to realise today that a significant part of how I react to stressful situations is by feeling trapped, it was an observation made by my husband.

So I have this ongoing work situation where I am scared I am going to end up losing my remaining leave entitlement, and this feeling of being trapped is overwhelming. I think I have felt like this often in the past in other situations too, unbelievably I've not realised it until now.

I found this article:

Depression and Your Sense of Control

Thought I would share in case others are interested.

Changing our internal response seems key, but how I'm not sure.

I can relate to: "person tried to control things they can't and may become angry or anxious when they realize things aren't happening the way they wanted. They may also take responsibility for things outside their control. This adds to the emotional arousal that maintains depression."

I even carried that anger forward one time when they promoted me. The new job was OK but I couldn't forgive them for the "wrongs" I had suffered previously and quit when things had become tolerable. Starting all over again at a new company--and I was still MI there. Oh how I wish I knew that I need counseling! It is like I couldn't stop raging from 4 months of injustice and it was the beginning of some events that spun out of control.

[Fuzzybear]

Originally Posted by Hopingtrying

I can relate to: "person tried to control things they can't and may become angry or anxious when they realize things aren't happening the way they wanted. They may also take responsibility for things outside their control. This adds to the emotional arousal that maintains depression."

I even carried that anger forward one time when they promoted me. The new job was OK but I couldn't forgive them for the "wrongs" I had suffered previously and quit when things had become tolerable. Starting all over again at a new company--and I was still MI there. Oh how I wish I knew that I need counseling! It is like I couldn't stop raging from 4 months of injustice and it was the beginning of some events that spun out of control.

Yep. I need to accept the administration of my work's holiday booking procedure is out of my hand but still I can't. I was awake most the night worrying about it. I can't change it, but still I fret over it.

Well so much is out of my control, I have this cr***y contract which basically states they can make me work any time any day they want at short notice. They can make me cancel my holidays (& unfortunately their admin is rubbish so they have double booked me twice with a colleague).

BUT they can't control who I am and what I do outside of work. This is what I am focusing on.

[MickeyCheeky]

I'm sorry this is happening to you. It's great you're trying to do your best outside of job though!