[Marylin]

Usually I avoid both emotions anger and fear,by being withdrawn and avoiding too much social interaction.It is inevitable when I expose myself socially, raw nerves are hit by people concerning my personal life.Whether it is some man stirring me up by me being attracted to him or him being attracted to me or some woman making me compare myself to her and me feeling inadequate inevitably both anger and fear come up.Anger because they have triggered memories of similar in the past either rejecting me or seeing me as a sexual object,the rejection makes me feel stupid usually intellectually,it insults me on that level and I feel angry and powerless cos I don't match up and can't compete.Or memories of bullying and embarrassment come up and the fear that comes from feeling attacked and powerless,Then the fear and anger of feeling like a victim.All this from getting close to people socially,so it has been easier to avoid people.

But I can't avoid socially interacting any longer cos life gets boring and I feel like I am losing out,so I have made plans to join the human race.I have joined a political party and become a member and I am going to a meet up social with other women, we are going for a meal at a restaurant and I will meet a new bunch of women for the first time in March.

Can anyone here related to what I am saying by having a mixture of fear and anger triggered by social interaction ,especially if too much time is spent around others and I do not have sufficient alone time?

How can I deal with this,how do you handle it?

Yes, I have both fear and anger. Good you are challenging yourself by joining others.

The theoretical answer would be to keep exposing yourself to social situations until your become strong enough to endure people's reactions. Some call it resilience.

That being said, I cannot handle exposing myself continuously, because the emotions are overwhelming for me to bear, so I've isolated myself instead.

[Marylin]

I find I withdraw when things get overwhelming socially and come out again when I have had enough rest.Exposing myself helps me learn to handle the difficult emotions and thus I grow in emotional strength and in character and experience.I do need to become stronger to endure other people's reactions and to stay loyal to myself in spite of them.
I think you need to try again Mr Stranger,come out of isolation and give things socially another go,stop and rest if you must but don't you quit,is how the saying goes.
I am resilient when it comes to helping myself through my illness,now I need to become resilient when it comes to getting out there socialising and forming new relationships,that part is not coming easy to me.

[MickeyCheeky]

I'm sorry you feel like this. I struggle with social interactions, as well.. it sucks

Originally Posted by Marylin

...[difficulty] getting close to people socially,so it has been easier to avoid people.

But I can't avoid socially interacting any longer cos life gets boring and I feel like I am losing out,so I have made plans to join the human race.... Can anyone here related to what I am saying by having a mixture of fear and anger triggered by social interaction ,especially if too much time is spent around others and I do not have sufficient alone time?

How can I deal with this,how do you handle it?

"In psychology, avoidance coping, escape coping, or cope and avoid is a maladaptive coping mechanism characterized by the effort to avoid dealing with a stressor. Coping refers to behaviors that attempt to protect oneself from psychological damage."

Does this at all sound familiar?

I was just journalling at length about my own avoidance as a way to cope with anxiety - including people. Just yesterday I lied in order to avoid meeting with several friends for a date to make art and chat over coffee. So too, I have been finding excuses to avoid attending my support group.

Why am I doing this? I suppose I am afraid of failure socially, I'm afraid of not fitting in. But this is coming at huge emotional cost. I am revisiting my CBT work in hopes I can once again have enough self worth and courage to do these things.

I think your joining a group that is important to you is a very positive thing. I am glad to hear you have gained the strength and confidence to do so.

[Marylin]

Yes,I hope to attend,usually I arrange things and then back out of them last minute.My first meeting is 18th February and the meal with meet up women group is 18th March.Maybe I can make 18th of each month going out with other people night.I hope I make it this time,I am not going to look at it as scary dread events,I will look at it as a challenge to look forward to achieving.

I must keep trying until I achieve this,is all I can say,do cos if not I will be limiting myself emotionally and socially.

[Marylin]

Well all last month and now this weekend,4th March,I have backed out of every social event I had RSVP'd yes to,so failing miserably on the social front!
I have had mood swings and the worry about having abnormal cells in the womb and i haven't got my diet right yet,so I am not going to be hard on myself and beat myself up over it.
The main thing is I can address this when I start counselling.My first counselling session is next Thursday,march 9th.I have waited since September last year to have the funds for this so now maybe I will have support.

My fears over this issue aren't going to go away and need in depth probing,for some reason I have a massive block stops me meeting new people in a social setting.I do suffer from social anxiety and maybe the counsellor will help,I hope so anyway!