Tired of dealing with Elderly Parent issues for others.

My elderly parents started going down hill in my late 20s and 30s. Prime dating time and prime working time. I spent about 10 years dealing with parents falling, parents with dementia. I even lived close to where my parents lived to keep an eye on them. But about 5 years ago all of that ended.

During these troubles I really didn't ask for help. I might have told people about it but for the most part I found people unable to really give good advice. At that time I had friends and colleagues who really weren't in a position to help. Fine.

But it is finally all over and I can get on with my life. Or can I?

No no I can't. Because most of my friends now are dealing with this. And frankly it is bringing me down. I am tried of hearing their troubles. Tired of hearing them say things like, I can't handle it, tired of it disrupting my life and frankly, just tired of it. I feel like my 20s and 30s will be spent with my parents; my 30s and 40s listening to theirs and then I will be heading down the road for myself.

Compassion fatigue is a known phenomenon:

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Compassion_fatigue

It is routinely studied as part of training for helping professions such as social workers and counselors.

People who care greatly and deeply and effectively are vulnerable to compassion fatigue. I think ten years spent helping parents who had dementia, mostly on one's own, would exact an enormous toll. I deeply admire and respect what you did. And it makes sense to me that one might find it painful to, and therefore be reluctant to, immerse oneself in hearing about the care needed for other people's parents as well.

Time to take care of yourself, Take a vacation, do what you like doing.

I like the vacation idea. Treat yourself for a change. You deserve it.

Thursday was instructive. I got a text from one of my friends that her sick mother wanted her to pay off all her debt. The question was... should she, since she wasn't doing good. I am literally on my way to work but I text while driving to answer their question.

Once I answered the question... in the way they wanted.. I was dispatched. I wanted her to look further into it and give me more information and she said she was happy with my answer.

I appreciate the thoughts but I don't think this is like a vacation kind of thing. The truth is that I got to deal with the elderly parents when everyone else was out partying. Now, when I want to be out partying... everyone else is dealing with the elderly parents so... in a very real way, it kind of just extends the whole thing.

These people will continue to come to you for as long as you allow it and give them what they want.

I wonder if there is some way that you can distance yourself from these requests.

If you are unable to exercise self-care in these situations, the requests will continue to come in and your fatigue and resentment will continue to build.