[Zedsdead]

I have had a horrible week. I left my abusive partner 2 weeks ago and am struggling with no support and trying to overcome anxiety and depression. I have 3 children and have become afraid to leave the house as my 2 year old has started to tantrum and I feel overwhelmed and upset by it. Not leaving the house whirls with my depression.
While working with my therapist, i have started to become more and more adventurous to leave the house with my children. Today I battled the bank and groceries with my 9 year old, 2 year old and 10 month old.
At the grocery store my 2 year old started to throw a tantrum. I handled it okay, held back tears and got back into the car. While driving I realized during the tantrum I had forgotten to grab diaper cream for my youngests sore bum. I decided to stop at a smaller drug store on my way home. My 2 year old was screaming to stay in the car so my eldest daughter told me to run in quickly to grab the cream. We went through safety rules, i left my phone with her and ran in.
I was in 2 minutes, came out and a lady was stood by my car. She started to berate me about the negligence of abandoning my children in the car. I started to cry and tried to explain and she threatened to call the police and a social worker. I apologized and assured her I don't shop while leaving my children alone and that my oldest is responsible..

I have come home and cried for the rest of the evening. I realize it was a mistake but I feel so upset
My anxiety is through the roof again and I no longer feel i can leave the house.
I feel SO defeated. I just keep trying to do my best and it's never good enough.. i feel my children deserve somebody better and her criticism of my parenting has hurt deeper than she could imagine at such a vulnerable time..

I feel so ashamed and unworthy right now :'(

I think the woman had no idea how you feel and what you are going through. I think many people would have done the same as her. People get concerned when young children are left in the car alone. Sorry you feel so defeated. It is a great responsibility to take care of children alone. I hope you find the strength to take care of yourself, and of your children

[Zedsdead]

Originally Posted by Mr. Stranger

I think the woman had no idea how you feel and what you are going through. I think many people would have done the same as her. People get concerned when young children are left in the car alone. Sorry you feel so defeated. It is a great responsibility to take care of children alone. I hope you find the strength to take care of yourself, and of your children

I agree. Im trying to look at it from a different perspective and I know i would have been super concerned too.
It just doesn't help with the feelings I feel right now I am at an all time low after working so hard to feeling more confident. Its just awful to be judged so harshly by a stranger after being berated and belittled by my partner for years.. it just confirms all of his insults in my mind.
Thank you for the kind words.

[childofchaos831]

You said your oldest is 9 years old... I would like to say, at that age, my mother was babysitting the neighbor's kids. She could call my granny if she had any questions or needed help, and my granny could walk over. I was babysitting by the age of 12 or 13. I do not think you did anything wrong, personally. Your daughter had a phone. She knew what to do and what not to do. If it had just been the 2 year old or the baby in the car, that's different, but 9 years old is old enough to know when to get out of the car if it is too hot or they can't breathe for some reason. It is old enough to unbuckle herself and her siblings, and then wait for you or go into the store. That is different than leaving a toddler who can't speak for themselves in the car alone.

[Zedsdead]

Originally Posted by childofchaos831

You said your oldest is 9 years old... I would like to say, at that age, my mother was babysitting the neighbor's kids. She could call my granny if she had any questions or needed help, and my granny could walk over. I was babysitting by the age of 12 or 13. I do not think you did anything wrong, personally. Your daughter had a phone. She knew what to do and what not to do. If it had just been the 2 year old or the baby in the car, that's different, but 9 years old is old enough to know when to get out of the car if it is too hot or they can't breathe for some reason. It is old enough to unbuckle herself and her siblings, and then wait for you or go into the store. That is different than leaving a toddler who can't speak for themselves in the car alone.

I know, I grew up babysitting my siblings from a young age but I guess with all the recent deaths and negligence in the news lately, i dont blame people for being vigilant about it...
I used my own judgement as a mother and I was sure they were safe, i could see them from the window and I trust my daughter, plus I was in the store for only 2 minutes.

Ugh. I just feel like im being punished at the moment. Iv done nothing but try my hardest to keep me and my children safe and cared for even under the circumstances with their father.
I feel lost and alone and her accusing me of neglecting my children just has tipped me over the edge to an all new low. im just sad.

[Frankbtl]

Hi Zedsdead

I would say that the lady you referred to may have had good intentions towards your children's safety but wasn't/couldn't be aware of the whole scenario, and things like that aren't always "black and white". You had covered all bases (just like you said- so well done!!): your daughter knew the safety rules, she had your phone, it was a very brief stop off with you only needing one very important item. And it's not as if you scheduled this/planned on doing this before you went out/it was a regular occurrence, you just found yourself in a situation where you had no another option at that time.
So apart from it not being neglectful in my eyes, you were actually being resourceful in ensuring that your youngest wasn't being neglected in continuing to suffer from nappy rash.
So.........I know you've been through a really tough time, and it has to be hard with three children on your own..........then add to that the strength it took to get out with them and coping as well as you did with such a challenging situation in the grocery store and the resourcefulness you showed in making sure your youngest was not neglected...........hey, I'd say you should be telling yourself how well you did!!!
Please try not to "beat yourself up" over unworthy criticism, you/we already know that you're much better than that!!!

Alison

Excellent replies - just want to add my voice.

You may not have made this decision in ideal circumstances but this was the situation and you did what you could. You went through safety with the 9 year old - you acted responsibly and no harm came to them.

And I was another 9 year old who minded babies for short periods! No harm came to them either.