How do I control emotional impulsivity?

I have a weirdly specific problem with my impulsivity. When it comes to dating, if I like the person I'm dating, I get way too excited and come on too strong and text too much. I even know I shouldn't be doing it, but I do it anyway. In like 5-6 years of being single, I've liked only two people (out of being on dates with around 20) and screwed both up by texting too much and coming on too strong. Things I NEVER do to women I'm not interested in, which ends up making them more interested in me.

I have some control. I don't say things like "I miss you" or other highly aggressive forms of "neediness", but I do enjoy talking to the person I like a lot and will attempt to start conversations with them too often, I guess.

Example: I just ruined a potential relationship with someone I had two VERY good dates with. We both really hit it off, were making future plans and dates (not super far out, but still), were very affectionate, and seemed really excited to see each other a lot. I got really into it and was sure this was going to turn into a real relationship, so I got ahead of myself and would do things like text multiple things in a row only to be returned with a text rarely. Like every 4-8 hours or once a day. She almost never texted me. Kind of drove me nuts and made me think she wasn't into me, but her texts that finally did come through were also excited. However, it was on the day of our third date that she texted me like an hour before to make a slight change of plans, but that the date was still on. That's fine. Date time rolls around and she doesn't show up nor do I ever hear from her again. That said, I sent three texts after her one (which was two small paragraphs, to be fair). One was saying that's fine. The next was double checking date time and making a joke about my messy room. The third was me be stupid and assuming her lack of a response meant she didn't like the joke, so I backtracked and said my room wasn't that messy. Seems so damn childish in hindsight -.-. I controlled my anger and just texted "ok..." like an hour after the date start time. Tried to play it cool by asking if she was ok the next day and cracked a joke about my messy room joke scaring her off. Nadda. Next day I snapped and sent a humongous mean text calling her out. Shouldn't have done that, but I was feeling very emotional, not that it mattered anyway. She had check ins on her social media and clearly had no reason to miss our date. She legit stood me up on a third date after nothing really egregiously wrong happened. ****ed up my weekend. I've never had that happen to me before.

I know what she did was ****ed up and probably says a lot about who she is, but a move like that had to be prompted by what I did and that's what I want to fix.

What do I do about this, moving forward? I don't want to ruin a third potential relationship for myself. These things don't happen for me very often, as I'm extremely guarded, so it's pretty devastating when I screw them up. I feel like maybe my emotions are getting bottled up and bursting out onto whatever person I start dating. Any tips and tricks to control emotionally impulsive moves?

I've never been on a date since no one is ever interested in me, so I can't talk about this specific type of situation but when I like a person(by like I mean enjoy talking to them, being friends, not in a romantic sense) I feel like being in daily contact if possible, messaging here and there and I also tend to get anxious about how they feel about me, if I am boring them, worry that they'll just disappear, etc. Now, I keep those things largely to myself but once I get comfortable with someone, I am just really excited about them being a part of my life and vice-versa.

So to me, what you described in the first half is nice, I would appreciate these genuine attempts at keeping in touch and including someone in your day(in my mind there's a difference between a negative possessive type of behavior and just being overly excited or something). I guess you could try finding someone who has this as part of their personality and could understand. Or you could try and be honest about it when it starts manifesting, just try telling them about it ,that if they feel you're messaging too much, if it seems unusual, they should tell you because it's just that you're excited about them as a person and enjoy talking and you're generally someone who is passionate so you might not realize if you're being a bit extra.

I don't have a lot fo advice If your problem is mostly texting, maybe counting up to 10 before sending anything can help? I know, it's stupid :/

You will never know for sure why she stood you up. So let that go.

It's really good to recognize something in yourself that you want to change, regardless of how you come about recognizing it.

I am also like you. I have a knee-jerk emotional reaction to things and it has caused me a lot of problems. However....I can't change my emotional reactions. It's an impossible things to do. What I have learned to do is wait. I have (with only some success, mind you...) trained myself to wait 24 hours in an emotional situation that requires consideration and thought. I tell myself 24 hours, but even an hour makes SUCH a difference in my reaction.

I am human. I am not perfect. I have learned to accept the way I am while still making an effort to be a better person.

Just an opinion from someone who "thinks" with her heart :-/

Consider your own expectations regarding texting.

A few things I keep in mind is timing. If it's an inappropriate time to make a phone call it's inappropriate to make a text. If it's more than a sentence or two, perhaps you should be making a phone call instead. Don't expect the other person to always reply. I don't respond unless a response is asked for. As for subject matter, if it's inappropriate for the phone, it's inappropriate for a text.

How to limit your texting then. Well considering the appropriate timing ought to curb lot of this. Learning to not expect immediate responses should cut things back too. And finally, what about making a call instead>

I used to have this problem until it pissed a girl off that I really liked which hurt me a lot when she more or less kicked me out of her life and blocked my number for "blowing up" her phone.

Now, I do the opposite. I text or message people so rarely that people think I'm not interested in them. I text only to reply when somebody calls me and I never call unless it's urgent.

The fear of being hurt again overtakes my desire to talk to people I guess or perhaps I'm just bad with people?

Sorry I couldn't be more help but at least you're not alone.

Right.

No, it didn't.

The move just says a lot about who she is.

My rule is "Never send more than 3 text messages without receiving a reply." If they aren't responding, there is usually a reason. My husband is a chronic abuser of this rule. Whenever we get in a fight, he goes crazy and blows up my phone with constant texts and voicemails (to the point that I have to block him and change my phone #). He has it in his head that "the more text messages I send her, the more she will realize how much I love her," and that is definitely NOT how I feel! Sometimes, less is more. Give someone a chance to miss you.

Excellent advice.

The fact that you realize you have this issue is half the battle. Just being aware of it and deliberately holding back when you have that impulse may solve the problem. I'm sorry your last date did that to you. That was unnecessary.

Excellent advice.

That really suck especially since you don't have a answer about why she stood you up. Next time you start seeing someone and maybe you should make a conscious effort to increase time spent on your hobbies or with other friends just to get your mind off of it a little. Stay busy so you aren't in a position where you have the time to text so much. Or do like I do and just lose your phone