I did some impulsive things this week. I contacted someone who is bad for me, and I'm not interested in. I was lonely. It was someone I dated a while back. He was a total jerk. Then, and now. Yesterday, he acted all sweet, and then got angry when I wouldn't have phone sex with him, and told me to never contact him again. At first, I respected that. But then I was upset, and hurt, and texted him this morning, and then blocked him. Its like I took an entire years worth of pain and rejection from others, and threw it at him. I reread what I wrote, and it's very...heavy handed. It's true, too. But I called him a loser, and I wish I hadn't stooped to name calling. I don't want to be that kind of person. I thought it would make me feel better. But I feel bad still, because I was unkind to someone. I was an asshole. I hope that nothing is seriously wrong with me. I feel terrible. He did deserve some of it. But I regret it too, and wish I'd just left well enough alone. I don't feel like I can apologize to him. I'm scared of him now, more than ever, because of what I said to him, and have never trusted him.

Starrysky, you made a mistake, you are human.

The good thing is that you recognised very quickly this was a destructive pattern and you got away from it quickly. Yes it would have been better to do this without engaging with him but you were feeling hurt and struggling to cope and so you reacted.

Is this a person you can go no contact with in your life? (Is he unconnected with other areas and friendships in your life?) If so I really recommend that you do that - no apologies, that will just reopen the interaction.

[Sunflower123]

Originally Posted by prefabsprout

Starrysky, you made a mistake, you are human.

The good thing is that you recognised very quickly this was a destructive pattern and you got away from it quickly. Yes it would have been better to do this without engaging with him but you were feeling hurt and struggling to cope and so you reacted.

Is this a person you can go no contact with in your life? (Is he unconnected with other areas and friendships in your life?) If so I really recommend that you do that - no apologies, that will just reopen the interaction.

Good advice. I second that.

Thank you Prefabsprout. Yes, I can go completely no contact. My friend told me not to even apologize, either. Just no contact. I will do better next time. Not with him of course.

I think I'm so upset because in the moment, I stopped, and recognized that what I was doing was impulsive, that I may regret it, and that something was telling me to stop. I didn't listen. I will try better next time.

[Sarmas]

Originally Posted by starrysky

I did some impulsive things this week. I contacted someone who is bad for me, and I'm not interested in. I was lonely. It was someone I dated a while back. He was a total jerk. Then, and now. Yesterday, he acted all sweet, and then got angry when I wouldn't have phone sex with him, and told me to never contact him again. At first, I respected that. But then I was upset, and hurt, and texted him this morning, and then blocked him. Its like I took an entire years worth of pain and rejection from others, and threw it at him. I reread what I wrote, and it's very...heavy handed. It's true, too. But I called him a loser, and I wish I hadn't stooped to name calling. I don't want to be that kind of person. I thought it would make me feel better. But I feel bad still, because I was unkind to someone. I was an asshole. I hope that nothing is seriously wrong with me. I feel terrible. He did deserve some of it. But I regret it too, and wish I'd just left well enough alone. I don't feel like I can apologize to him. I'm scared of him now, more than ever, because of what I said to him, and have never trusted him.

I think many of us have to impulsive things that we regret later. I don't see a reason why you should feel bad. I would definitely not contact him again under any circumstances. There's really nothing for you to apologize for.

[MickeyCheeky]

Mistakes can happen. It's a good think you're learning from them - not a lot of people can do that.

[Thunder Bow]

He was being controlling with you. You resisted and got angry. Blocking him was the right thing to do.

Thank you everyone. Your words made me feel better. I don't know what's wrong with me. Today I went to the gym near my house, the one i usually go to, and I was really worried I'd see him there. I suppose it wouldn't be the worst thing in the world. But I felt really paranoid the entire time I was there and it sucked

[Ljj7000]

All I can say is that you made a mistake. You are only human.

I think I'm going to be Ok. I know I made a mistake. I will try to do better now. It wouldn't be the worst thing in the world if I saw him in public.