How to cope with being unattractive?

I know this sounds depressing, but I am being honest. I am not attractive. With that said I am not depressed, but I am just sort of insecure with myself. I know beauty is not everything but it's embarrassing for me because everyone else in my family is absolutely stunning that people all the time stare at them, admire their beauty, and modeled. I am not exaggerating either. My brother who doesn't even fix up at all gets stares at from girls---and me I do my hair, have good skin, etc. and no one compliments me or anything like that. It's just the way it is. I have accepted it, but when people tell them how good looking my family is, etc. it just makes me feel bad about myself sometimes. How can I achieve a positive outlook from this? It wouldn't matter to me if my family was average looking, it just sucks being the one left-out or the 'ugly ducking' if you know what I mean. Thanks guys!

I'm sorry you are having that problem. Do you have a therapist who can help you through this so you can be the best possible version of yourself you can be? It's rude and insensitive for people to comment on your family's looks and not yours. Remember, beauty is in the eye of the beholder. I've seen beautiful people turn very unattractive once I got to know them and vice versa.

I do understand how you feel though. I feel the same way about my looks. I hope you find a tdoc to help you out. You shouldn't have to carry this around. Best wishes.

I feel the same way.. Sorry about that. I understand why you'd feel upset.

I'm about as ugly as ugly gets. I've been treated like crap my whole life because of it.

It really screws you up. Nowadays, people are more conscious of the harm they're doing and choose to do the kind thing.

For everyone here.

Is there one thing that you do like? Can you focus on that & compliment yourself that you look good? It may grow.
I've never really been happy with how I look especially with my weight which fluctuates.
But I do love my eyelashes! Weird I know, but it's my thing & when Im not feeling that great I can tell myself I have nice long eyelashes without trying or paying for them.
Find the little things & tell yourself you rock it!

I learn that we will look more attractive if you confident and proud with our look.

You clearly do not understand our predicament. I'll use myself as an example. No matter how nicely I dress and act, people still treat me like garbage because my face displeases their aesthetic sense.

I am ugly and nothing is going to change how people think about my face. It's human nature.

Do not compare yourself to others. That is a short cut to feeling bad about yourself. Do not worry about approval from others.

So sorry you know how that feels... I do too.
No matter how nice a person is on the inside, people unfortunately, always make a first judgement on looks before getting to know the person underneath.
Society is shallow and vacuous. Sad but true.

I do totally agree with this post...but I don't totally blame society. I feel this is innate characteristic in primates....if you're into Darwin theory etc etc. I know this theory does not appeal to all.
Yes I do feel that society has grown in this area....some people but not all.
My two cents.

I am sorry you are struggling with this. I can't imagine what you are going through. I hope you can find someone to talk too and work through this.

I clearly understand, because I used to feel same way. But then I realized, if I confident, it will make me more attractive rather than I'm not. Of course, it could not make me prettier than my pretty friend, but trust me they treat me better after that. Reason simple, because they can't make fun with my looks anymore.

Health issues, depression, addictions and not taking good care of myself has DRASTICALLY changed my appearance. There are nice friends who pity me but try to be nice and mean friends who make it a habit to pick on me. I feel for you. I feel like you should surround yourself with pets, family and also good friends, if you have any.

My advice is that you spend a significant amount of time and energy exploring and contemplating the details of Near Death Experience accounts... This will serve to promote and install the higher awareness that you are not your body. Now, this change in awareness will not happen over night - it's something you have to repeatedly revisit and work on. Gradually and over time, you will eventually reach the point where you find that you have transcended (risen above) your former conscious identification with your physical body as a 'source of self' (identity).... For me, this ended up having a really significant impact and ultimately changing my life...

Analogy: Your physical body is akin to a rental car that you experience while on a vacation. You don't get to keep it and take it with you - it's a temporary experience. If you go on a 2 week vacation and your rental car has some dings and dents, some rust, and makes a clanking noise - you don't get bent out of shape about it because you understand that your experience with the car is only temporary (it will pass). The same situation is going on with your physical body - but you have to expand & broaden your awareness so you recognize this is just happening on a grander scale (in relation to the rental car analogy). You can't take your physical body with you when you depart from here (no one can) - so what sense is there in being so attached to it and clinging to it as a source of identity? What does that accomplish?

Some other things to think about:

- Your physical body is never in any fixed or static state. It's constantly in a state of change (growth, ageing, regeneration), and has been from the minute you were born. What does this mean? That you can never look in the mirror and proclaim that "This is me" - because your physical form is never going to remain the same. This is true for when you are age 1, 5, 10, 20, 50, etc... So how can you ever really cling to your physical appearance if you realize that it's not constant, not fixed? It's not who you are - it's what you are experiencing (temporarily).

- Engage in this contemplative exercise where you imagine yourself to be 75+ years old. Can you perceive how your perception and relationship with your physical body would absolutely change at that stage in your life? Do you see the elderly folks at nursing homes walking around preoccupied with their physical looks & appearance - all while they are full of wrinkles and perhaps losing things like their hair & teeth, and their bodies begin to fail on them and give them a lot of issues? I don't observe this. I think with old age comes a natural change in identification with the body, or at least concern/preoccupation with one's physical appearance. The important thing here is that you do not have to wait until you are a senior citizen to bring about this change as it relates to your perception of your physical form. You can integrate these changes in awareness & perception at any time in your life - it just requires intention, effort, and patience.

- Another contemplative exercise, imagine you were diagnosed with a terminal illness and given 2 weeks to live. Now, with this life development - can you imagine yourself lying in bed fretting over your perceived physical shortcomings and 'flaws'? Would you be lying there still wishing you could change your physical appearance even though you knew your physical body would soon be expiring? Or do you think in that context your emphasis would be placed on matters of much greater and higher importance? Again, you do not actually have to experience a terminal illness or these hypothetical circumstances in order to bring about this change in awareness & perception that I am outlining above. You can start bringing this about right now - through ongoing contemplation and inner-work.

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One of my greatest life challenges was that I did not identify with my physical appearance - looking in the mirror what I saw did not feel like the 'real me'... This caused A LOT of hurting and suffering for many, many years because I was (understandably) operating with the limited awareness that "I was my body"... And when you don't identify with your physical appearance - it's painful because it feels like you cannot accept yourself and therefore that others cannot accept you. This is one big illusion that eventually needs to be exposed and then it can be risen above and you will liberate yourself from the hurting/suffering/pain and discover some amazing and life-altering 'truths' in the process. I know where you are coming from here. You're welcome to message me if you'd like to discuss this in further detail. Hang in there. You are NOT your physical body/form. It's akin to a set of clothes that you wear (experience) for a limited period of time, then eventually discard. You are actually so much more than your temporary physical form/appearance - and the real reward that's waiting for you comes from the process of discovering and realizing this for yourself!

I can relate to the first sentence of your post. I have some of the same issues.

I also agree with the last sentence of your post, especially when it comes to pets. Mine have been lifesavers. They don't care what I look like or why.

For you, Intro.

Us uglies are living in the wrong era. Before film, photography, video infected our view of image and in the days of community, not the individual, people were judged on their worth to the community and not on how they looked. Now it is instant judgement, style over substance, perceived worth instead of actual worth.
Console yourself to some extent that as you get older looks kind of even out. I console myself that had I a string of ex- girfriends and ex- wives and kids spending money for me I wouldn't now have 2 paid for houses and a substantial bank balance. Bitter? nah just a realist.

I'm a realist.

And I agree that modern media has destroyed our concept of what is normal and acceptable.

Honestly I truly believe beauty is in the eye of the beholder. I have been told I am attractive and unattractive in my life (at the same stages so it's not like my looks had altered). So which is it?

All that matters to me is that my partner thinks I'm okay Other than that the modelling career was never on the cards anyway.

Seriously I personally prefer less than typical looks, people with character and life in their faces rather than perfect flawless symmetry. Kindness and gentleness, humour, they are the most attractive of all and they show in the facial expression.

((Know One))

Prefab.