Today

Jun 11, 2017, 04:03 PM

Today I cried for the first time in months. I feel so much pain inside me but I don't show it. People assume I am OK and that I am not socializing because I am arrogant. The fact is that I don't socialize because I have very low self-esteem, and my social skills are very bad. Life is moving forward while I am standing still where I have been for years, if not moving backward. I do self-pity all the time, which is a very bad thing to do. I need more positive self-talk, but I simply cannot do that.

Sunflower123 · Jun 11, 2017, 04:37 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Mr. Stranger

Today I cried for the first time in months. I feel so much pain inside me but I don't show it. People assume I am OK and that I am not socializing because I am arrogant. The fact is that I don't socialize because I have very low self-esteem, and my social skills are very bad. Life is moving forward while I am standing still where I have been for years, if not moving backward. I do self-pity all the time, which is a very bad thing to do. I need more positive self-talk, but I simply cannot do that.

I'm sorry you're having such a tough time. I've read your other posts and it breaks my heart. I don't have any advise but I know how bad the pain is. I've been there. I am there right now. I want to lend my support and let you know I'm here to talk if you need to.

Jun 11, 2017, 08:01 PM

I'm so sorry you're going through this Mr. Stranger.

I thought of something that might be useful to you. I have a program (workbook and CDs) on overcoming social anxiety. It has a lot of CBT stuff in it though, that can alternatively be used for depression too. Anyway, in the program, Dr. Richards says to go neutral with your statements to yourself before you go positive, because your brain won't believe or agree with the positive statement, and it will just cause stress and dissonance. So instead of saying "I am a person worthy of love," as an example, just open yourself up to the possibility of maybe. "Maybe I am worthy of love too."

It's just a thought I had for you because I saw you said you can't speak positively to yourself.

Don't be hard on yourself. I know it's hard though.

I'm really sorry you're going through this.

((((Mr. Stranger))))

mc2ed · Jun 11, 2017, 08:10 PM

Adding to what Starrysky said.....One of my doctors...had the instruction for me to tell my reflection in the mirror everyday...that I was beautiful....I gave voice to what I feel is the stupid and ridiculous nature of this exercise....for I did not believe that to be true...and I was fully aware it would be the utterance of lie.......

Then the doctor...told me to find something within myself....that I could believe was beautiful....in truth....and direct my voice to that aspect of beauty within....in honesty.....I can with my hands create beauty....this I believe.....so that became the voice....beyond the lie......

You too can find this about yourself....a belief....of what is good and beautiful...or has value....and then address yourself to that with honesty.....tending it until it grows more fully within you....
May your heart come to peace....