Coping with rejection

Just wondered, how do you cope with rejection? I usually just keep myself busy or distract myself despite feeling horrible and wondering why I get rejected. What do you guys do?

First of all, I try to avoid rejection (not healthy). Second, sometimes I stay busy and keep myself distracted but more often than not I get down and ruminate about it. I eventually feel better. Not a good coping technique I know. Best wishes.

It depends on the kind of rejection, I do try to rethink my initial hurt if it's appropriate.

For example I did not get the job because there was another highly qualified candidate, but I did well to get interviewed and did my best.

Or more personal example, the reason she did not hug me back is not because she doesn't care about me but because she doesn't express her affection as easily as I do.

Sometimes though distraction is the best, music and a run work well for me.

Distracting yourself is a good strategy; also, thinking about why you got rejected can be handy. Perhaps the reason you were rejected is not that you were an horrible person, but for some other reasons that have nothing to do (it's just an example).

I isolate myself and focus my efforts on making myself good enough to where I don't have to worry about being rejected or otherwise hurt by people.

If people don't want me in their life than it's my fault for lacking in something. Until I get to the point to where I am good enough for people, I deserve to be alone.

This way of thinking has been a powerful motivator for me to improve my life. The pain from loneliness combined with the fear of homelessness and hunger has helped guide me to improve myself and my living situation.

Until I prove myself worthy of companionship I will continue to isolate and do everything that I can to improve myself so that one day I can be loved and accepted.

I totally understand this because I do this sometimes. However I've had to learn that isolating myself never leads to good things. I believe we should always be working on ourselves - yes. Absolutely. Becoming the best version of ourselves.
But the real solution of the matter is: when we truly accept OURSELVES, others will accept us too.

I disagree. Any relationship with any party, no matter if it's a relationship, friendship, business contract, or something else, are built upon one principle: mutual benefit.

The fact of the matter is that unless you have something that somebody wants, nobody will accept you over somebody that does. Yes, some might have pity on you and try to be your friend, but let's face it: who the hell wants to be pitied?

I'm sorry, but I don't buy into the whole "love yourself to be loved" B.S because human psychology doesn't work that way. Humanity always has and always will thrive off of conflict and mutual alliances alike. We are no different than any other animal; the only reason why we are at the top of the food chain is because of our high intellect as well as our capacity for cruelty. If our ancestors thought the way you do, we wouldn't be alive today because the human race would be extinct.

I will continue to work on being as good as I possibly can, that way I can be a benefit to other people. Once that day comes, and believe me, it will, I will finally have found my purpose.

Until then, I embrace the void.

That's sad
I don't mean that in a disrespectful way at all. I mean it in a literal way. That's just... heart wrenchingly sad. A sad conclusion you've interpreted for the whole human race. ☹️
I hope we've come a little further than that as a race.
Yes, I will agree that there are those out there who are users and who want something from you. But not everyone is like that. I really hope you find the type of people who give to you, and accept you for the wonderful person you ARE ... and for the wonderful person you're trying to be as well.

i deal with rejection like putting a feather in my cap every time i feel rejected, not literally but i look at it as a accomplishment that i can add to my notebook of people i need to help instead of reject back. The reason they reject me is probably due to their own self esteem rather than mine, otherwise why would they even care what the heck i think?

I've never looked at it that way before...

I do not agree with the idea that we are just animals living off of instincts.

If this were true, we wouldn't even have a forum about supporting each other cope with mental illness. Compassion, Empathy and Support are not ingrained as an animal trait. Believing are we are is animals completely negates all of the things humans have done as a people.

You DO have to love yourself before you can love someone else.

Rejection hurts. Everytime. It's how you deal with it that makes the difference. You can let it crush you and keep you down, OR, you can take it as a teaching moment and spend your efforts at bettering yourself.

A lot of the time when we get rejected it is because there is something in the other person that rejects us and we just don't jive. It is no fault in your character. People are different and not everyone likes or thinks or feels the same way.

By moving on to new opportunities if possible.

I don't cope very well with it tbh. I tend to take rejection quite personally and it just feels like confirmation of the belief that I'm not good enough.

I feel for you, my friend. I feel the same way. How do we overcome this? Any suggestions?

It has been suggested that I shouldn't take rejection to mean I'm not good enough overall, but rather it was determined that particular situation wouldn't be most suitable for me. The situation may not have been the best fit for my specific set of skills/qualities. It has been suggested I stop overgeneralizing in these situations and that one rejection does not define my overall worth as a human being. Also, sometimes rejection may have more to do with other people's fears than any shortcomings on your end.

While this is helpful to think of when rejection is not actually happening, it sure stings when it is and it can take a while for me to recover and think about it as it has been recommended.

Yes, I know what you mean. My mind is a 50/50 split of emotion and logic. When I'm not in the situation I can think quite clearly. However, when I'm being rejected or ignored (disrespected in that way) my emotion tends to take over.

I try to avoid rejection at all. I try to keep away from situations that place me at that point. If I do experience if then my coping mechanisms kick in which are not the greatest.

Same here, I have the same problem.

I do agree with the "if you don't love yourself, you can't love someone else" theory.

I do not agree that everything is based on "mutual benefit".

I accept rejection as a normal part of life. Not everyone is going to like you or support what you are doing. That's just life. Everyone is different with amazingly different experiences that shape who they are.

It might hurt, but that's just an indicator that we are different from those who reject us. Better them reject you immediately than have it happen down the line. It shows you where you should be focusing your attention and efforts.

So basically "**** the world, don't ask me for ****."

You will find a group of individuals who will support you and love you for who you are. Don't try to fit into little boxes people create to make themselves better.

Yeah I see what you mean and in terms of being rejected right away than later on, I agree with you on that. I wrote a different post based on that and I mentioned that I'd rather be rejected outright right away than later on that way the person is showing how they truly feel rather than pretending to like you or tolerate you just to make you happy.

Being single certainly sucks, so I would not wish solitude on anybody noble, that is. We're a social species, so we need company. Intimacy. Approval. Whatever it is labelled as. However, it's also not the end of the world when you are left alone, and I think most humans in this day and age are fickle anyway. Trying to find "the right one" for you is so awkward, because the dating scene is a big numbers game in itself.

I have never really had a true relationship with any woman, because the one so-called girlfriend I did have only stuck around for as long as she did because she wanted my benefits. She used me for my cash, and I was rejected by every other lady I took a fancy to, so I was so caught up on trying to make it work for us, but she was never interested in me as a boyfriend. And I've often paid for sex with escorts, but I found I mostly didn't enjoy it. It's probably because I was not relaxed around those women I saw, and it worked out to be pretty expensive handing over £100 a lot, but never being able to have an orgasm. People berated me for using my income for sexual gratification, when it is none of their beeswax what I choose to do with my own life. Getting an erection has been an issue for me in my adulthood, and I'm not even sure if it's all down to anxiety either.

Some guys can go screw a stranger this instant, and feel fulfilled. For me, sex with a strange woman does nothing. Just to prove my point here, I'd been seeing the same hooker for ages as well, thinking that punting with a regular lady in a non-relationship setting was meant to be good surrogate intimacy, and I wasted so much cash, because when I had sex with her, I could not feel a thing. Even when I took Viagra, the painful erection would only kick in after I'd seen her, and the horrible headaches I suffered after taken a dose of that crap was so annoying.

My ex was an absolute cow, by the way. She met me in 2005 and I was not with her for very long. Yet I had her stuck in my head since she was the only girlfriend I really had, besides another girl I went out with briefly. It wasn't until in 2012 that I found this waste of space, after all this grief I went through just to find her. All she did was rip me off, mistreat me, lie to me, and really muck me around something awful. Her family members also abused me, yet I'd never done anything to them at all. So eventually, I decided that I'd always be alone. In a manner of speaking, I just swallowed my pride and gave up caring about others, then I declared myself as being retired because my social anxiety ended up so chronic; I got so sick of the BS that I went through with me being hurt by people I opened up to, so I decided I would forget about humans and take comfort in my own possessions instead, like my horror DVDs collection. Sometimes, I look back and think that if I had never met certain people, and just played my video games and watched films in place of the great effort I put in with those proven zealots, nothing bad would have transpired. Although that's not even a healthy way to live one's life. Is it?

My mate is 56 now, and he is kind of like me in a sense, because he has all this knowledge on model trains and old music, but socially, the two of us are rather dense in that regard. Honestly, I feel like some sort of a misfit.

I walked away and started over.

That last post by justafriend306 makes me think of a song by Cast.