I hate my life.

I hate that I'm the way that I am. I hate that I have major depression. I hate that I am not functional. I hate my father. I hate that I have no partner and that all I get is ****ing rejection. I hate my life. It's been like this for so long. I don't know why Im even here still. No one gives a ****.

I called a hotline and they weren't helpful. He just kept asking me if there was anyone else I could talk to in my life.nsomeone please help me. I think I'm in crisis

If you feel you are a danger to yourself please don't hesitate to go to the emergency room. I hope you are feeling better soon. If you ever need someone to chat with or even just vent to, feel free to PM me ok? It does get better.

I think that you should go to hospital they will be able to help you especially if you think that you're in crisis.

I know how it feels, to feel bad because of parents' upbringings.

I think I'm going to be Ok for now. If I continuously feel this way, I will consider the hospital. I talked to my mom, for a while, and am doing Ok. I am going to talk to my therapist and doctor tomorrow.

Good for you. I care and I hope you start feeling better.

How interesting. After feeling horrible today too, I also talked to my mother and felt better afterwards

Starry I am sorry I just saw this now, I am glad you were feeling a little better when you last posted. How are you feeling today?

Hi Prefab. I was doing better yesterday. I was busy, went for a walk, and went to the arts fest. Today I was ok. I went to a zumba class. But now I'm feeling bad again. I ate a doughnut. I don't have diabetes, so I don't know what my ****ing problem is. But when I eat sugar, I feel like **** after. I always seem to forget.

Oh, I also told my supervisor of the hotline I volunteer at, what happened with the guy not being helpful, and she apologized and said he didn't do the training he received correctly. But that she knows him and was sure he was trying to help. But she was really nice about it. So I'm glad about that.

I want to talk about dating, just for a minute. I don't think I should date right now (I tried it, and that's fine). I think...I should prepare myself to date. I think...I should become more discerning and selective when it comes to who I date. I think this last time, I slipped up. And that's OK. I will get back on the horse and look for men who seem genuinely nice, and give me good feelings. But for now, I think that dating online is not helping me or my self esteem. I deactivated my account.

Instead of dating, I'd really really like to build my life around things that make me feel good, and better, and healthy - mentally and physically. I'd really like to cultivate a support system. Like, friends who I see more than just once a month or less. This might take a while. And if anyone has any suggestions, let me know. I dislike going to new places and seeing people talking to each other, but not me. But I'm going to meditation tomorrow and I'm going to stick around for church afterwards. It is important to me that I go.

Thank you so much for asking me how I'm doing Prefabsprout. I really appreciate that you care and other people too.

Take things one day at a time.