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  #1  
Old Aug 04, 2017, 10:55 AM
Anonymous50909
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I don't like it here at all.

I hate my gender. I want stab my ovaries out and more stuff that would be inappropriate to talk about here. (I told my ex roommate that my mother yelled at me for a long long time because she thought I was trans. Luckily she doesn't know I'm gender fluid. The roommate laughed because she had thought my mother would have yelled because I wanted to do harm to myself. I hadn't even thought my mother should be concerned.)

There's no solution to the sexism and racism that's trapping me. The bigger problem though is that I am not allowed to do anything about this. I'm not allowed to be angry. If I try I will be punished. Moreover people either see me as cute and childish or strange and unapproachable. Perhaps because I'm not white.

Do not infantalize my anger. Do not infantilize me. Don't say I need to smile and accept. I know I'm right and the world is wrong. My anger is accurate.

Just want to kill myself.

What a cage.

I am not safe here. I am not safe anywhere. I hate being a woman. And note I said woman, not girl.

There is no joy in this at all. I don't know why anyone would enjoy being a woman.

I shouldn't have to cope. I am allowed to be pissed off about a lot of things. I don't know why people say I need to calm down and have empathy for them when they should try to see things my way for once. I'm done caring. I'm done being accommodating.

Last edited by Anonymous50909; Aug 04, 2017 at 11:33 AM.
Hugs from:
MickeyCheeky, Sunflower123

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  #2  
Old Aug 04, 2017, 11:39 AM
Anonymous50909
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The problem is that even if I'm assertive, that won't help, and might even make things worse for me. People ultimately don't care how a woman acts. The overriding "preexisting condition" is that she is a woman. She is automatically dismissed.

I'm literally shaking right now. The only person who supports me is myself and it shouldn't be that way. At least I know I'm not crazy. If I just embrace my anger I don't have to self harm anymore. I don't have to be ashamed.
  #3  
Old Aug 04, 2017, 01:08 PM
MickeyCheeky's Avatar
MickeyCheeky MickeyCheeky is offline
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Member Since: Jun 2016
Location: Italy
Posts: 11,817
I'm sorry you're not getting the support you deserve
  #4  
Old Aug 04, 2017, 03:06 PM
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Sunflower123 Sunflower123 is offline
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Member Since: Jan 2015
Location: USA
Posts: 26,579
I agree with Mickey. I'm sorry you're having such a tough time and aren't getting the support you deserve. I hope posting here on PC helps a little bit.
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