Need to get away!

I want everyone to just get the **** away from me! Everyone just ****ing annoys me, upsets me and makes me want to lash out! I'm sick and tired of being subjected to this! I can't walk down the street without seeing garbage all over the place! I can't walk down the street without people smoking! I can't walk down the street without people eyeing me up! So lately I've been telling people off! I've been telling people to put out their ****ing smokes! They're polluting the ****ing environment! I've been telling people to stop looking at me and anyone who mouths off I lash out at! Yesterday I went off on some guy and he pushed me off my ****ing bike! Then a bunch of kids came along and ****ing stole it on me! **** people! I'm sick and tired of this ****ing ****! The majority of people are just ****ing scum and I'm sick and tired of all of them! I WANT TO ****ING BE ALONE BUT I CAN'T ****ING GET AWAY! I DON'T WANT TO ****ING BE HERE ANYMORE!!!

I understand where you're coming from. For some reason I'm irritated and aggravated today. I hate the world and everything in it. That's really rare for me. I hope you start feeling better soon.

Hi Vernon, It's been awhile since we spoke. I'm sorry to see you are having a rough time of things. Last I spoke to you, you were telling me about a lady that told you a spiritual story and how uplifted that made you feel.

What has happened between then and now to cause this drastic change in tone?

Please know, I am not criticizing, but just trying to gather information so I can maybe help.

*hugs*

Sounds like you had a really awful day. I hope you got your bike back. Please let us know that you are safe.

I'm sorry you are having such a rough go and it's BS that your bike got stolen. I'm here if you need to vent or just want to have a chat. Feel free to PM me anytime.

Sorry to hear about what happened. Sometimes stuff like will happen. No two people are alike which means at some point, one will upset the other. The question is - how is it dealt with. Sometimes space is needed for awhile. It's only been a few days. Give her a week or two, send a message after that. If she has cut you out of her life, I agree, it hurts and hurts bad. Only one thing you can do at that point - use it as a learning experience for future friendships.

If she comes back around, use it as a learning experience for this and all friendships. Everything in life helps us grow. Life is about constant learning and change. Sometimes it hurts. Allow it to grow you stronger though when at all possible.

https://forums.psychcentral.com/othe...88857-sad.html

Without her, I have no happiness. I have a lot of stress in my life, and without her around I'm overwhelmed by it all.

How did you deal with things before her?

Do you have other friends who might be able to help?

I was self-harming and on the verge of suicide.

None. I don't make friends easily because I can't stand most people. She was different though. She was always kind, understanding and patient with me. Now I have no idea if I'll ever see her again and it's killing me.

My outbursts are getting more and more severe as the days go by. I've been ripping my house apart and I had everything I could do not to throw a rock through someone's car window yesterday. The only thing that stopped me is the thought of her. If she does cut me out of her life, or if she doesn't respond soon, I probably will just snap. I've had enough and lashing out at people is the only way I can catch a break from all of this pain.

I know and understand this probably​ isn't what you want to hear right now but honestly, putting that much responsibility on her shoulders isn't fair to her. She needs to be able to focus on her own stuff too, but if she is always worried about you, she can't. Each of us are ultimately responsible for ourselves. Nobody can depend on anyone other than themselves because the only one you have true control over is yourself. It may well be part of the reason she broke from you is because of the unhealthy nature of the relationship. It was a needed break both for you and her. You need to learn how to stand on your own and she needs to be able to stand on her own. Maybe once that balance has been found she will come back.

Try to find healthy ways of coping.

What have you tried other than lashing out?

I'm sorry to hear you're struggling so badly

I didn't say it was her responsibility!

Do I expect her to always be there for me? No! I understand that she has her own stuff going on and I respect and care about her feelings! I've made it very clear to her that I want her to do whatever it is that makes her happy! She said that she genuinely enjoys talking to me! When she goes away for 2 weeks at a time, I worry and I feel lonely, but I don't complain! When she comes back, I always ask how she is and what's going on! I make it about HER, not about ME! But this is different, because I genuinely feel like I might lose her and when you care about someone, that ****ing hurts! It's not just about me feeling lonely; I'm worried about her too! This isn't all just about me! I'm concerned about my ****ing friend!

So, it's not like I'm smothering her. I give her plenty of breathing room. I don't want her to feel that type of pressure! I'm trying to work on myself, Crypts... I'm TRYING to find happiness elsewhere, and I've had some success. You know why I've had success? Because of her! She's my only friend and I need a friend to be there for me when I'm down! When she's down, I'm there for her too. That's what friends are for! I don't need her to be there all the time either! I just want to know that she IS going to be there at some point, and right now I'm not sure about that! As long as I know I have a friend that cares for me, I'm good! But no one likes to be abandoned by someone they care about! And because of her showing me forgiveness, because of her showing me God and because of her showing me love, I've been opening up more in general! I've been going to church! I've been socializing with other people! I've been feeling more comfortable being myself because she showed me that I could actually do that and someone would accept me for who I am! THAT's why I value her so much! She changed my life in a big way!

Quit making assumptions!

Hello. I wish you a better time of it. I am sorry about the bike situation. I'd like though to address your aggravations.

Vernon, is there a prime trigger to this? Something that kicks off the irritability first, leading you to then feed off the additional irritations?

I wonder if you, like myself, have a tendency towards Black and White thinking? The Discounting the Positive thinking style comes to mind too. I recognise this (ie. I too have strong feelings about other persons and their behaviours such as smoking, riding bicycles on the side walk and so forth). I've done some CBT work which has allowed me to recognise this in myself. Sometimes I pull out the pertinent exercises and do a little homework to brush up on the coping skills. It will help.

A really good exercise is to draw up a few lists which makes me see things as they are. In one column I list off the stimuli which are bugging me. Alongside that I note how I react. The next column I make a list of what are the advantages to me of reacting in such manner(s). Finally, what then are the disadvantages to thinking in such way. This might be enlightening. Do think this might be worth a try?

I guess what it comes down to is that you know this thinking pattern doesn't work for you. Are you willing to find a way to deal with and/or change it?

I need people to make me happy. Without the love and support of another person, I am nothing. If you want to understand me, then you have to accept that. I don't want to debate with you on this, because it's NOT up for debate! This is WHO I AM! DO NOT disrespect me by telling me different!

Lashing out is all that works for me right now. Again, this is something that you need to accept if you want to understand me...

It's the situation with this girl, plus my living situation (working on getting out of it.) It's magnified all of my emotions.

The problem is that I no longer care about the consequences of lashing out, because it's all that makes me feel better. I have nothing else. If I'm not lashing out at others, I'm lashing out at myself. Lately, I've been doing both. I've been self-harming again, I've been destroying my house and I've been destroying property belonging to others. I don't want horror movies playing in my house and my roommates sometimes like to watch them. They trigger me, so I poured water all inside of the game systems and DVD player so that they can't do that anymore.

I know that if I carry on like this, things will only get worse. I see my life playing out right now, but I feel powerless. I'm sick of submitting to people! I'm sick of letting people get away with hurting me and trying to turn the other cheek! It just doesn't ****ing work for me! My whole life, I've been trying to understand others! I've been trying to keep my composure! I kept everything inside because I didn't know what else to do other than lash out! Before I was scared of what would happen, but now I'm really starting not to care! My inhibitions are getting weaker and weaker as the days go by, and it actually feels good! It feels freeing!