[GlitterWolf]

Physically yes I'm human. Emotionally., no I'm not. According to what everyone says, I'm not human because I haven't experienced things that are said to make us all human.

I've never been in love before. No one has ever loved me back. I'm 43 years old. It's too late now to think of being in love because it didn't happen before and can't happen again. Why would it. Who would love me? no one else has.

I've never experienced happiness before. I've been excited and thilled. But I haven't experienced so much joy that I'm brought to tears. I've never experienced that level of happiness before.

No one likes me on the planet. All my relatives despise me. I find it hard making friends. Only my daughter loves me. My dad loved me but he died. Thats about it. I've never been loved by anyone other than my dad and my child. So I can't be human. I've never known true love or romantic love. I can't be human. I've never felt intense happiness. I can't be human.

I have more in common with an animal or a stuffed toy than I do with other human beings. I'm the walking dead.

Does anyone understand me?

[eskielover]

I have never known romantic love either but that definitely isnt what makes us human. For me, caring about others & being there when they need support & having them be there for me has been more fulfilling than all the 54 years I lived before moving here. My family was difficult to connect to because they didn't know how to connect & I married a guy who had no idea how to connect either. I thought that was NORMAL because of what I grew up around.

Honestly the first time I realized what love felt like was when I was sitting on my bed snuggling with one of my eskie dogs that has always had a heart connection with me. It was like a lightbulb moment & that same caring love I have felt for many of the wonderful caring people in my community who are now a part of my life.

I have never felt intense happiness but that doesn't mean I haven't experienced happiness at some level. My whole life after leaving my dark past has a feeling of happiness totally surrounding it. It doesn't have to be a dramatic experience for it to be real.

Maybe you are putting too high of an expectation on what the emotion of happiness feels like?

For me, doing things for others who get joy from it brings me happiness. When someone needs something & I can provide....fulfillment brings happiness.

I went through 13 years where nothing I experienced brought happiness & depression ruled my life until I finally broke free of that marriage & that life & my parents had died so I was free to go where ever I wanted. I just happened to land is a very caring & loving community......that has nothing to do with anything romantic. I find that caring for others is much more fulfilling than romantic love any day. Never had it & don't miss it. It by some miracle a right guy comes along in my older age....great but not making my life miserable if it doesn't happen.

Depression can cloud our vision of happiness but so can our perspective. Put them both together & you create your own misery in your life. Changing ones perspective & sometimes getting out of the miserable environment if the environment is creating the negative effect can help give one a more positive look on life.

If its coming from inside & the way we are viewing life then we need to reassess our perspective.

[Crypts_Of_The_Mind]

Originally Posted by GlitterWolf

Physically yes I'm human. Emotionally., no I'm not. According to what everyone says, I'm not human because I haven't experienced things that are said to make us all human.

I've never been in love before. No one has ever loved me back. I'm 43 years old. It's too late now to think of being in love because it didn't happen before and can't happen again. Why would it. Who would love me? no one else has.

I've never experienced happiness before. I've been excited and thilled. But I haven't experienced so much joy that I'm brought to tears. I've never experienced that level of happiness before.

No one likes me on the planet. All my relatives despise me. I find it hard making friends. Only my daughter loves me. My dad loved me but he died. Thats about it. I've never been loved by anyone other than my dad and my child. So I can't be human. I've never known true love or romantic love. I can't be human. I've never felt intense happiness. I can't be human.

I have more in common with an animal or a stuffed toy than I do with other human beings. I'm the walking dead.

Does anyone understand me?

Romantic love can happen at any stage in life, or not at all. Either way, it really is not a reflection on you. Sometimes a person never meets "the right one", sometimes a person refuses to open themselves to it. Happiness can also be elusive especially if you had an unhappy or turbulent childhood. Those things can make it difficult for a person to open themselves up enough to experience complete happiness.

These things do not make you inhuman. It's just sad. The only thing that could really make you inhuman is if you knew for fact you were either conceived by parents who were not human or else made artificially. Emotions are a very confusing and fickle thing.

[Sunflower123]

You do show human characteristics (i.e. emotions). You loved your dad and love your child and they have loved you back. Some people just have a lower baseline for emotions. I am highly sensitive and I feel things intensely. I would gladly trade you. It can be extremely painful. Finally, my mom just turned 82 and is recently engaged. Don't give up you, never know what life holds. Sending big hugs.

[pachyderm]

Originally Posted by GlitterWolf

I have more in common with an animal...

Maybe that's not so bad...

[mugwort2]

You love your daughter. You loved your dad. So you are capable of loving. I wonder if your thoughts are filtered through depression. OTOH I really feel it isn't fair to you to presume since I don't know you. Okay tbh this is a hunch. You wrote your relatives despise you and its quite difficult making friends. I wonder how much of that is poor self esteem based on your relationships with your family. TBC wondering how your family dynamics is an influence on your difficulty in feeling emotions. Realize I could be totally wrong on my thoughts. I wish you well. Hugs.