My Pharmacist

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I tend to obsess about things a lot so I can relate. Not criticizing but we don't want you to end up in a bad situation. It usually escalates and ends up ugly. Trying to help you not to get there.

But I think pharmacist might think of you as unstable and obsessed with him (not saying you are but you pursue him rather aggressively: Facebook, letters, asking him out, asking him to keep in touch, now you call him all the time which is highly unusual) and perhaps he says things to avoid confrontation or avoid making you more unstable. Also what he thinks of keeping in touch is maybe different from your plan. He maybe thinks you'll say hello passing by while shopping and you maybe think you'll be calling or meeting up?

You have to look at this from his perspective.

I agree with the others... I am not trying to upset you... I really do want you to be happy, and I don't want to see you hurting. I just worry that, at some point, things with the pharmacist will not go well, as they have in the past with others, and I don't want to see you get hurt like you were then.

I'm sorry if my previous comment upset you, I was merely trying to give you a point of view and other outlets you could try...

I promise, everyone here really does want to help, because we see how much it can hurt, you and ourselves, and we want to try to help you see it before it gets there. We all care about you, we wouldn't be commenting and trying to help if we didn't.

I'm sorry you feel criticized. I asked before, and I'll try to ask again, is there a specific way that you would prefer to be supported that all of us on PC can do for you? I know for me, "tough love" type of support doesn't work, but it does for others. Could it be that the way people are responding is not the best way to support you? If you could give us some insight into what you are needing, we (or at least I) can try to help you that way...

His voice is always gentle. He never sounds like he is upset at me. I apologized and he said that it was all okay.

I feel bad.

Now I'm just crying and hurting.

I didn't mean to end up with feelings for him.

I am so sorry that you are hurting. Please know that we are all here for you.

I think pharmacists for a long time thought that people under-utilized them. It used to be they put pills in small amber containers and the public didn't interact much with them. Now they have "pharmacy techs" to do a lot of the routine stuff, like counting pills into bottles. Pharmacy areas now have a place designated for conference with patients where there is a bit of privacy. And pharmacists really like talking with customers and answering questions. These are very smart, highly educated professionals who earnestly want to partitipate in improving patient outcomes. I've walked into, or called up, pharmacies where I hadn't even purchased anything, just to ask a question. I've always been pleased with how helpful pharmacists want to be. I wish doctors would be that willing to talk to patients.

So I'ld encourage you to feel okay about stopping in with a question for this pharmacist that you have a good relationship with. Not when there's a line of people waiting for service. But they have less busy times when they seem glad to talk with anyone who needs them. They'll even tell you how they sometimes disagree with some physician practices. The pharmacist isn't likely to want to meet you for cocktails, but a chat now and then relevant to your med management is something I think most pharmacists are up for with anyone in the public who pops by.

In my state, pharmacists now administer flu shots and vaccines. They want to be seen as "user friendly" to the public. Also, keep in mind, that a drug store, or a pharmacy in a larger store, is a "public accomodation" and part of a retail business. Anyone who walks in may potentially buy something there, so they want you to feel welcome.

I dont think anyone ever "means" to end up with feelings for anybody. That's just part of having a crush, or more. We end up falling for whoever we fall for. That's kind of what I meant in my earlier comment, when I said to maybe try taking some distance and see what happens. It's just complicated by the fact that he is your pharmacist.

I am sorry you are hurting.

I agree that we never mean to fall for anyone, we can't control feelings but we can control actions or we can seek help with how to control our actions.

sometimes there is a pattern that you could work on and potentially avoid damaging situations. Since you tend to fall for men who can't give you what you need (your therapists or pharmacist or psychiatrist) it might be wise to try to break this pattern by exploring it with professionals who you'd not fall for.

For example, seek female therapist and discuss with her how to break this pattern of falling for unavailable men (in your particular case your medical/health providers).

And sometimes when you feel that you are falling for someone instead of continue pursuing them, and making matters eventually worse, it's good to distance yourself and let it cool off. Change your pharmacy or your doctor or your whatever place to a different one. Sometimes regardless how we feel, we are obligated to behave certain way maintaining boundaries.

I wish you found a therapist that would really work with you on learning how to keep healthy boundaries and behave in a healthier way: how to accept "no" as a "no" the first time. I am not saying it could be only female therapists but it's not helpful to learn healthy boundaries from people you keep attaching to. i think it's important to recognize what's going on and change your strategies accordingly.

Otherwise it would be the same cycle again with a nurse, or grocer or hair stylist etc You can learn from this and change your course of action. I wish you luck in this process. You can do it