Here's an issue that I have been having lately:

I have accomplished a lot lately. In the past year, I went from a mentally unstable person who couldn't even take care of my basic needs and couldn't support myself financially to somebody who is working and attending college. I also just got my own apartment for the first time in my life and I have been able to afford furniture and what not so I have been doing pretty well.

Unfortunately, I am still sometimes scared of losing everything that I've worked so hard for. I fear not being smart enough in school and losing my student job and the resources that I have access to at college (free therapy student job, FAFSA refunds, special programs for students from low income students and foster care youth, ETC). I know that if I fail at school, I will lose everything and that terrifies me. I am also scared because winter is coming and if I lost my apartment for whatever reason, I know that I can't function in the cold because I can barely deal with donating plasma when they keep it at 68 degrees without freezing my butt off, let alone not having any shelter. I also know that because I don't know how to drive yet, I will have a hell of a time getting where I need to go if something bad happens like a disaster or if I lose my job and can't find another job on campus.

My fears aren't entirely unwarented. I picked my major as web design, which is a computer science based degree. I picked a major that requires a lot of math, despite sucking at any math above basic algebra. I had to drop an 8 week college prep math class because it was going too fast for me and I found it impossible to keep up with it along with my other courses. I am also falling behind in my web design class because my step father passing away last month and then having to move to my new apartment while dealing with the buses and keeping up with my other classes became too much for me to handle all at once. While, if I fail my web design class, I have the option to do a forced withdrawl of my bad grade because I had a death of an immediate family member, I know that this is an out that I will only get once and if I fail again next semester and don't have a backup plan, I am most likely screwed.

So I guess my question is: how does one cope with these fears?

[Open Eyes]

First of all Darkness, congrats on making so much progress. You ARE moving forward and it's actually normal to worry about failing, but if you allow yourself to get sucked into constantly worrying you will tire out just from that alone. Don't listen to the doubtful inner voices, instead keep allowing yourself to keep trying because we all only learn by doing and you ARE doing and in that you are gradually learning.

Also, if you do struggle with some subjects look into finding a tutor that can help you, sometimes you can find a tutor for free or very reasonable, you can even ask your teachers. Don't be afraid to ask your teachers for help as often teachers knowing a student is really trying will be kinder with the grading and may know of someone that can tutor you.

My older brother really struggled and was even homeless for a bit while going to college, and he often went hungry but stuck it out and searched for help and ended up graduating with honors which was a HUGE deal for him. He had teachers growing up that told him he should give up school and never amount to anything. He was determined to prove them wrong and he did, he also ended up making over 4 times what these teachers earned.

Give yourself a chance, remember no one is perfect and allow yourself to keep trying.

[Thunder Bow]

You are doing quite well. Concentrate on today and present time only, and forget the "What Ifs". They will only hurt you. Take one day at a time only.

[Sunflower123]

I agree. It’s wonderful that you’re doing so well. You go!!!! ((((Hugs))))

Originally Posted by Open Eyes

First of all Darkness, congrats on making so much progress. You ARE moving forward and it's actually normal to worry about failing, but if you allow yourself to get sucked into constantly worrying you will tire out just from that alone. Don't listen to the doubtful inner voices, instead keep allowing yourself to keep trying because we all only learn by doing and you ARE doing and in that you are gradually learning.

Also, if you do struggle with some subjects look into finding a tutor that can help you, sometimes you can find a tutor for free or very reasonable, you can even ask your teachers. Don't be afraid to ask your teachers for help as often teachers knowing a student is really trying will be kinder with the grading and may know of someone that can tutor you.

My older brother really struggled and was even homeless for a bit while going to college, and he often went hungry but stuck it out and searched for help and ended up graduating with honors which was a HUGE deal for him. He had teachers growing up that told him he should give up school and never amount to anything. He was determined to prove them wrong and he did, he also ended up making over 4 times what these teachers earned.

Give yourself a chance, remember no one is perfect and allow yourself to keep trying.

Yeah, the tutors at my school haven't been very helpful.

Right now, I can't get any decent help with the one thing I'm struggling with which is CSS because there are a shortage of tutors related to web development or computer programming and the last CSS tutor left because he got a job offer elsewhere and he's making like 3x more money than what the school would pay him so there's that.

At this point, I need to just accept that I'm not smart enough to do this much web development coursework in such a little amount of time especially when I have a test in less than 2 weeks. I should just focus on doing well in everything else instead.

I hate myself for being so freaking stupid.

[Nammu]

You are not stupid! You are so far from stupid it's not funny. You've done amazing things and have overcome amazing odds. It might feel overwhelmingly but with your determination you can do it. Remember you don't have to get an A in every class. Stick it out as long as possible in your web class so next time you take it you'll be familiar with the course. The option to use your step father's death is just that, a valid option, it doesn't mean you failed.

Originally Posted by Nammu

You are not stupid! You are so far from stupid it's not funny. You've done amazing things and have overcome amazing odds. It might feel overwhelmingly but with your determination you can do it. Remember you don't have to get an A in every class. Stick it out as long as possible in your web class so next time you take it you'll be familiar with the course. The option to use your step father's death is just that, a valid option, it doesn't mean you failed.

Yeah well the highest grade I have this semester (excluding the 8 week class that I just started) is a C. I am failing my web design class.

I have a C in my government class because I have gotten As on everything except the research papers which I outright struggle with. I got a 0 on my first paper because I flat out refused to do it because I couldn't with everything else I had going on at the time. I am getting so overwhelmingly frustrated on my 2nd research paper that I just want to give up.

I can't be expected to do this much all on my own.