[16216398]

I have no idea what group to post this to. But I need advice. Was I raped? When I was about 15 or 16, I snuck out to meet this guy. We both knew we were meeting up to have sex. But after a little bit of kissing, I stopped and said "I don't think we should have sex" and he repeated what I said, back to me. Then laughed and kept going. But I didnt get up and walk away or anything, which is what makes me think I consented. I wasn't under the influence in any way. But in the end, we did have sex and I felt AWFUL about it. And hadn't talked to him again, until a few months ago. When I see him, I don't even think about that night. I try and block it out. Everyone tells me "you never stop loving your first". But I never started loving him. I'm just confused. I don't think I consented. But at the same time, I also didn't do anything to try and get away from the situation. Which makes me think that I did consent.

Any advice is appreciated. Thank you.

Originally Posted by 16216398

I have no idea what group to post this to. But I need advice. Was I raped? When I was about 15 or 16, I snuck out to meet this guy. We both knew we were meeting up to have sex. But after a little bit of kissing, I stopped and said "I don't think we should have sex" and he repeated what I said, back to me. Then laughed and kept going. But I didnt get up and walk away or anything, which is what makes me think I consented. I wasn't under the influence in any way. But in the end, we did have sex and I felt AWFUL about it. And hadn't talked to him again, until a few months ago. When I see him, I don't even think about that night. I try and block it out. Everyone tells me "you never stop loving your first". But I never started loving him. I'm just confused. I don't think I consented. But at the same time, I also didn't do anything to try and get away from the situation. Which makes me think that I did consent.

Any advice is appreciated. Thank you.

I´d say per definition, yes, you were raped. You said no. You did not consent to it. However, a court or legal people (i don´t fkn know these terms sorry) might disagree. I think to put someone in jail for rape the victim of it had to be struggling to push the perpetrator away/scratch them or be able to show any injuries they received as proof.
But **** what the court says, what happened to you was still unfair and not right and you probably have to deal with the consecuenses of it every day. :/

[eclairparty98]

Oh, gosh You expressed your doubts clearly to him that you didn't think you should have sex... He completely acknowledged this by repeating this blatant opposition to having sex with him and laughed about it. Almost mockingly. TO me, it sounds like he only did what he wanted to do as he kept going, disregarding how you felt about it. It sounds like you DIDN'T consent, in my opinion.

Also, when it comes to a situation like that, it doesn't matter whether you try doing something about it or not - you said you didn't want to but he continued. He knew you didn't want to but he still kept going and laughed. There are so many articles out there which go into detail about this for you to personally and privately explore which might feel better for you rather than being asked invasive questions publicly on a forum.

I really, really, really hope this helps in some way and that you get some answers

[Travelinglady]

I think you were, since you said you didn't want to, but he kept going.

[Thunder Bow]

He was trying to control you, and that fits with rape.

[seesaw]

I think it was rape. Maybe not provable in a court of law, but what matters is that you seek therapy to deal with the emotional aftermath of it.

[LaraR4444]

There are many reasons why victims of rape, sexual assaults, sexual abuses, and sexual coercion don't feel they expressed their opposition "enough". We could be confused about our feelings, scared, shocked and not able to think quickly, not very assertive, and being manipulated. It is not unusual.

Being there and not running away are not consent. If you aren't willingly planning to do it and/or excited about it, it isn't consent. "Allowing" it, not fighting "hard enough" to get away, and being in a certain situation are not consent. You said what you wanted or didn't want, and he didn't respect it.

We can change our minds at any time, and we can be confused and need more time. If the person doesn't allow us these things, they're in the wrong, because a sexual encounter should be enjoyed by both people and if they don't care whether we are enjoying it or not, that's scary.

[Fuzzybear]

That controlling behaviour fits with rape

[winter loneliness]

The thing that matters is how you were affected. How do you feel?

[16216398]

Originally Posted by winter loneliness

The thing that matters is how you were affected. How do you feel?

I feel awful. I regret it so much! I try to not think about it. It was one of the worst mistakes I've made. But when things come up that make me do think about it, it's like a deep regret. But I've been dating someone now for 3 years and he treats me so much better, he respected that I wanted to wait a little while before we did anything. I honestly feel like my current boyfriend was my first.

[LaraR4444]

Originally Posted by 16216398

But I've been dating someone now for 3 years and he treats me so much better, he respected that I wanted to wait a little while before we did anything. I honestly feel like my current boyfriend was my first.

That's wonderful, and the fact that that was your first consensual sexual experience is much more important.

[Sunflower123]

Originally Posted by LaraR4444

That's wonderful, and the fact that that was your first consensual sexual experience is much more important.

I agree with Lara. That’s great news.

[winter loneliness]

I think you should focus on your Boyfriend, and don't feel a bit of guilt or shame.

[reb569]

I agree that you were raped. Honestly, if you had been more insistent that you did not want to do it, he may have physically hurt you. You survived, and you now have what you describe as a great relationship with a good man. Concentrate on that, but at the same time, if you continue to feel bad about what happened when you think about it, you may want to seek help. It could be as simple as sharing with a close and trusted friend or seeing a therapist.

Everyone does things they regret. It's natural. Just remember, what happened to you does not reflect on you, it reflects on him.

Doesn't sound technically like rape unless there is more to the story that what you are saying, but what matters here is that you are feeling badly about that experience. Sounds like a first experience that you regret. I hope you can find peace with yourself and not continue to feel guilt or shame about the situation.