I would like to smash my violin and use the strings to saw off my fingers. I would like to cut deep into my arms so that my ligaments and tendons are ruined. I never want to play or hear music ever again.

[Thunder Bow]

Afraid you are going to be good at it?

Reverse psychology?

[Thunder Bow]

No. I just see a fear of success.

From this post only? Or from an accumulation of my posts? Because I don't know if you're jumping to conclusions or if you actually have observed something.

[Thunder Bow]

Observation of what you said. Such a post indicates a fear of success. I haven't read your other posts here. If would have to look them up.

Care to explain what I said that indicates a fear of success?

[Thunder Bow]

Some of us feel that we do not deserve success or want to accept the responsibility that comes with success. Some are more comfortable feeling bad about oneself. For some it very scary to move past that sate of mind. The post wants to hook into bad feelings, bad feelings can be like an old friend that is hard to say goodbye to.

That's interesting and I'll keep it in consideration. I think the post was more about my anger over my inability to even connect with or care about music. It's hard to express. My mind and my fingers stumble and can't grasp anything. I think I am severely depressed. I don't know if success comes into the equation because of this. There's no chance of success the way I am right now. I am sinking.

You see, I can't even maintain any anger over it.

[Bill3]

What if you can't connect with music or care about it?

What is the history here? Have you always felt this way about your violin and music? Or is this something more recent? A phase perhaps? What has been the motivation in the past for playing? Has this been for you or at the behest of someone else. Has this been because you wanted to or because you have had to?

i'm just tired of it all.

[BlueCrustacean]

Then rest for a while. Do something else, to take your mind off it.

Perhaps then it is time to sink some of your creative spirit into some other artistic media?

Are you telling me to quit? That is a gross violation. You are overreaching and condescending. You do not understand the situation as I have not explained it, and I also did not ask for your direction.

Don't tell me what to do with my music, my art, and--you said it--my spirit.

I have an unshakable trust in myself, my art, my expression, and my decisions, in all situations. You should step aside.

[BlueCrustacean]

Nobody told you to quit. Nobody's forcing you to do anything at all. These are all assumptions you're making. I simply suggested that taking a short break might help. Feel free to heed it or not.

Thank you very much to you all. I think I already said that I have complete trust in my artistic journey and will be making my own decisions. And like I said, you don't know the situation. This is my spirit. If you gave me advice on any other subject, for example, to break up with someone, I'd be less aggressive about it all. As it is, music is my spirit and I must defend it. I stand by my previous posts on this thread.

holy cow! No one is at all attacking you or your creative spirit!

You suggested you were feeling overwhelmed to a breaking point. Myself and others simply suggested that either a break or redirection were in order. This doesn't mean a decision of permanence. Yes, I think perhaps you need to put down the violin for a bit but you can still 'exercise' your artistic muscle with other temporary pursuits. Indeed, exploring other artistic media often adds inspiration to our primary practise. See and create beauty elsewhere and bring back and incorporate that experience into your music.

Holy Cow! I thought I told you guys to back off!

You have no idea what my spirit is. You have no idea my relation to art and practicing it.

You have no idea, period, about the effect of your words on me. So BACK OFF. I set a boundary yet here you are again telling me what to do, about my personal matter which means nothing to you, and of which you know nothing of.

I know what I need and that is for you to back off and don't tell me what to do. Don't tell me how to see the world. Don't tell me to see beauty. Don't tell me what to put into my music. Don't tell me how I should approach my art. I make my own decisions, and for you to even tell me what to do, especially on a personal matter such as this, is insulting, disgusting, controlling, and violating.

I have set a boundary and expect it to be respected. If not, you are disrespecting me, and I am not one to be messed with.

Back off and stop posting on my thread.

[Artchic528]

I'm confused here.

What are you asking for exactly? What's the point of this thread?

[TheWell]

The OP has requested that this thread be closed.