Thinking it over this has been a theme throughout my life at various points (not always just at times).

One time my husband said I reminded him of a koala because I cling so much it can't have been easy having such a needy wife, he was single a while before me and needed his space. In recent years I did better in that I branched out and got new absorbing interests (it was easier now our family is grown and I don't have to be at home so much) and acquaintences and even new friendships. It gave my husband some respite and he noticed and complimented me on the difference.

The thing is I recognise the neediness in myself within the new friendships, I love my friends and really value time with them but I miss them so much when I don't see them. I feel sad and mope, yet in company I am fine.

If you feel neediness within yourself what do you find helps deal with it?

[Skeezyks]

My all-purpose approach to these types of emotions is.. compassionate abiding. I simply "cradle" the thought or emotion in my mind & breathe into it. I may smile to it. And sometimes I may even place my hand over my heart as a sign of compassion for it. I then allow the emotion or thought to fade at it's own pace.

Also, however, here's a link to an article from PsychCentral's archives on the subject of "anxious attachment" which I found in the process of replying to another member's post a few minutes ago. Perhaps there might be something in it that will be of interest:

https://psychcentral.com/blog/archiv...-relationship/

Thanks Skeez, that is a good suggestion, I like that idea and will try.

I have not looked at the anxious attachment link yet but did an online attachment assessment which tested several different relationships and found most of mine were secure except the one with my mother. It is interesting though and I will read that link.

[Skeezyks]

Compassionate abiding is a Buddhist practice. I assumed you're probably familiar with it since it gets referred to frequently here on PC... (often by me.) But just in case you're not, here's a link to a mental-health-oriented description of the practice:

https://mindsetdoc.wordpress.com/201...e-abiding-101/

Originally Posted by Skeezyks

Compassionate abiding is a Buddhist practice. I assumed you're probably familiar with it since it gets referred to frequently here on PC... (often by me.) But just in case you're not, here's a link to a mental-health-oriented description of the practice:

https://mindsetdoc.wordpress.com/201...e-abiding-101/

Skeezyks, THANK YOU for this article. I was reading the thread, and then read the article and it helped me in my own life. I love this approach! Compassionate abiding. I am going to try to practice this more myself. TY.

[MickeyCheeky]

I'm very needy as well I can hear what you say.

Sprout, I used to be a lot needier with people when I was younger. I am not sure how I grew out of that exactly, but I started to rely on myself more and more for answers and for comfort. I found things in my life to do that would soothe my anxieties, my worries, my fears and my stress.. the reasons I reached out the most to others for. I started journalling more to process my own emotions better. I began to do things in life to take care of myself better. Like exercise and outdoor activities, all on my own (like roller blading and kayaking). As I did these things, I became more self reliant and needed people less for comfort and support.

Not sure if you look to others for comfort like I did. The other thing is, we cannot look to others for our happiness. We must learn how to feel happy all on our own. This may be something you are doing since you feel sad and mope when not in the company of others and miss your friends dearly when they are not around.

There are ways to cultivate happiness. It is something that can worked on each and every day. One key thing is to always be pursuing things you love the most in life and to feel fulfilled somehow all on your own. Whether that be through personal hobbies, taking classes, exercising or pursuing activities with others... or perhaps even just reading books, or whatever it is in life that brings a sense of fulfillment, joy and inner peace. Once you're happy on your own, you won't feel mopey without the presence of others.

((((((Hugs)))))))

[FallDuskTrain]

We are all needy and I think the difference is how we fill in the gaps created by our neediness. We can look to get it from others or we can choose to look within ourselves; or life forces us to find it within ourselves , which was the case for me.
I was forced to leave home as a teenager and lived in multiple countries by myself until I settled where I live now. I had no other choice but to rely on myself for support (be it financial, physical or emotional support). This mandatory process was essential in finding the strength within myself. I was literally forced to do so.
I remember many nights, while living in my car in my early 20s, crying and begging to see someone caring for me or smiling at me or someone giving me a hug or asking how I was doing, but I never got it. I had no-one and I was forced to accept my solitude and stop begging for attention and care.
Of course, I never wish anyone to be forced to be alone like I was but I also cannot deny the fact that it helped me in learning how to be self reliant.
Do you volunteer? I have found that it helps me a lot when I am in need of love and attention. Giving love and caring for others help me feel loved.

Oh wow, thanks for such helpful replies everyone, I felt a bit vulnerable posting this but glad I did.

Compassionate abiding makes perfect sense, thanks for that link Skeez.

Mickey, thanks for identifying with this, it can be an uncomfortable feeling, hope the replies are helping you too.

Eve, what you write about absorbing oneself in our own interests is definitely a good idea, I have done this before, and think my relapse is linked to dropping out of a few old interests.

FallDuskTrain, thanks for sharing your experience too, I would imagine it must have been a defining time in your life for you to live alone like that. I do volunteer (two projects currently) and do get a lot of fulfilment out of those, they did definitely help.