I'm turning the age that my father was when he was diagnosed with the type of cancer that essentially took his life a few years later. I know that I don't have the same kind of cancer -- I'm cancer free -- but for some reason, I've been having panic attacks thinking about it as my birthday approaches. My family physician told me that my reaction is totally normal, which helps, but I'm still having panic attacks.

Then tonight, my mother called (we do not get along...at all) to ask me if she could take me out to dinner for my birthday. We have a very acrimonious history between us (see the movie Terms of Endearment and you'll know what I'm talking about); we basically just don't like each other anymore, and when I choose to be around her she goes out of her way to embarrass, shame, and humiliate me.

So of course, when I declined her invite for a birthday dinner, her snarky response didn't surprise me (I expect it now),"Well....if your mood improves and you decide you don't hate me anymore, then give me a call."

No thank you. I'd rather be alone watching a movie in my apartment then spend my birthday with the parent who is toxic to my well-being.

Happy early birthday!

It's totally normal to be frightened about possibly getting sick, especially if it has happened to someone close to us. Just try to remember that you have a clean bill of health, keep going to check-ups and leading a healthy lifestyle and you should be fine!

As for your mother, can't say I blame you for rejecting her invitation. She sounds quite toxic! Nothing wrong with just relaxing and watching a movie.

I am 4 years younger than my dad was when he died and 7 years younger than my mom was. I am already freaked out. My mom was cancer too.

I don't have advice, but I feel for you. I hope you have s wonderful birthday in spite of it all.

Originally Posted by scaredandconfused

Happy early birthday!

It's totally normal to be frightened about possibly getting sick, especially if it has happened to someone close to us. Just try to remember that you have a clean bill of health, keep going to check-ups and leading a healthy lifestyle and you should be fine!

As for your mother, can't say I blame you for rejecting her invitation. She sounds quite toxic! Nothing wrong with just relaxing and watching a movie.

Thanks for the birthday wishes scaredandconfused!

He was diagnosed before I was a teenager so it's odd how triggering that traumatic childhood event is for me now, so many years later. I'm hoping I have a clean bill of health. I spent New Years day at the E.R. with a very inflamed gallbladder (they couldn't find any stones), that I am convinced is due to my skyrocketed stress levels around my birthday, since I don't eat spicy or greasy food or drink alcohol.

The 2nd part-time job I had, I lost, because I had severe asthma attacks after my shifts so the operations manager said she didn't think I was a good fit. Oh well! Onward and upward. And forward. Paying bills late seems to be the theme of my life.

Yes, she's quite the toxic source in my life. My aunt -- her sister -- shames me every chance she gets about our Terms of Endearment, which used to bother me but now, I just accept that is how I'm labeled. Ok, it irritates me a little bit.

I'm super excited. My favorite movie from the 1980s is playing on the big screen one-night only, a few days after my birthday, that's less than the actual price of a regular movie, so that is my birthday present to myself.

Originally Posted by TheSadGirl

I am 4 years younger than my dad was when he died and 7 years younger than my mom was. I am already freaked out. My mom was cancer too.

I don't have advice, but I feel for you. I hope you have s wonderful birthday in spite of it all.

Sorry to hear that about your parents, TheSadGirl. It helps to know others have the same experience as I do, who've lost parents to cancer. Thanks for the birthday wishes too. I plan to try to have a good birthday this year in spite of the panic attacks and toxic mother in my life. Being alone is hard on birthdays and holidays, but otherwise its tolerable. Lonely sometimes, but tolerable.

I am the age now, at 51, that my mother was when she began to 'lose it' both physically and mentally. The thought terrifies me.

Originally Posted by justafriend306

I am the age now, at 51, that my mother was when she began to 'lose it' both physically and mentally. The thought terrifies me.

I hear you.

So my birthday came and went with no birthday wishes, except from you Scaredandconfused and TheSadGirl.

It's definitely a reflection on what people in my real life online think (or don't think) of me.

[FallDuskTrain]

Originally Posted by cielpur

So my birthday came and went with no birthday wishes, except from you Scaredandconfused and TheSadGirl.


It's definitely a reflection on what people in my real life online think (or don't think) of me.

I had no idea it was your birthday Cielpur. i would have sent you a pm.
I can relate. It has been about eight years that I have not received a single birthday wish. It is partially my fault because I don’t have the courage to tell people.
Unfortunately the inner circle gets smaller as i got older.
Happy birthday. I am sorry it was a lonely one.
May the new year bring you much inner peace, better employment opportunities and better health and lots of rest.

Hey, at least you have an inner circle. And thank you for the well wishes. I don't even have a circle anymore. I'm off balance with the loneliness and solitude for sure. Me and my haughty posts giving others advice I won't even follow.

Yes, it's a lonely birthday this year. But maybe I brought it on myself. I stopped keeping in touch with people and friends, including relatives I felt disconnected from. I'll take "Self-fulfilling Prophecy for $500, Alex.

Silly platitudes bombard my mind in stressful times like these, such as "if a door doesn't open, then it wasn't your door," to "what doesn't kill us, makes us stronger." I'd like to swordfight the people who wrote these.

I used to care about my birthdays. In my 20s, when I had a stronger inner circle, I'd plan my birthday party in a public venue like a restaurant or club and invite tons of people to them, which was fun. But then in my 30s, that practice ended as my social life dwindled. Now I'm closer to 50 than I care to be. And my life's not at all what I imagined it would become. (Oops.)

I'll figure it out (I hope). Hopefully, I'll land on my feet this year. Thanks again for responding to my silly, self-pity-filled post.

[MickeyCheeky]

Happy birthday! I'm sorry you were alone, though although, perhaps it's better to be alone than spend it with people that we don't like?

Originally Posted by MickeyCheeky

Happy birthday! I'm sorry you were alone, though although, perhaps it's better to be alone than spend it with people that we don't like?

Yes, I suppose it's better to spend my birthday alone that with family members I don't like/who don't like me. Still, it's a wake-up call that my life is out of balance if I have no one offline, in real life, who actually wants to be my friend and wants to take me out for my birthday. Thanks for the birthday wishes.

I didn't even get birthday cards. I got a text from my niece. She never texts me or calls me. I used to get birthday cards. But haven't received those in years.