How do you let go of harsh things said to you by someone close to you who you love?

I had some very harsh things said to me by someone in the past (they were very frustrated with me and in one instance very drunk) they have not said those things again and they regret them. When they are angry with me now I find myself 'triggered' and feel like I am taken back to where I was back then. I fear that they will say those things again to me, and this is how they really feel about me.

I have periods where I think I've processed this but then anger = trigger and I feel it again.

Have a look at the idea of descansos by Clarissa Pinkola Estes Descansos
And if it inspires you to read her book, it is wonderful.

[rdgrad15]

Originally Posted by prefabsprout

How do you let go of harsh things said to you by someone close to you who you love?

I had some very harsh things said to me by someone in the past (they were very frustrated with me and in one instance very drunk) they have not said those things again and they regret them. When they are angry with me now I find myself 'triggered' and feel like I am taken back to where I was back then. I fear that they will say those things again to me, and this is how they really feel about me.

I have periods where I think I've processed this but then anger = trigger and I feel it again.

I have the same problem. I have trouble letting go of things people have done or said. I always remember them as learning lessons but at the same time, it causes me to have trust issues with others since I expect them to do the same thing that people have done in the past.

I have a huge problem with this. I get angry and depressed about things people have said and done. It's hard to let go.

[Skeezyks]

I practice compassionate abiding. I visualize the circumstances in which the harsh or hurtful thing was said, then I breathe into it... perhaps smile to it & even place a hand over my heart as a sign of compassion for it. Then I let the "storyline" (the specifics of what occurred) go & simply stay with the underlying emotion, whatever that is, allowing it to fade at its own pace.

[Rose76]

That happened to me, but the person never said they regretted what they said. So it still bothers me. Some hurts just don't go away.

[Buffy01]

Originally Posted by prefabsprout

How do you let go of harsh things said to you by someone close to you who you love?

I had some very harsh things said to me by someone in the past (they were very frustrated with me and in one instance very drunk) they have not said those things again and they regret them. When they are angry with me now I find myself 'triggered' and feel like I am taken back to where I was back then. I fear that they will say those things again to me, and this is how they really feel about me.

I have periods where I think I've processed this but then anger = trigger and I feel it again.

I completely understand how you feel because I feel this way all the times. I had someone do this to me as well.

Prefab, As you know, I suffer from the same problem.

I worry that my inability to forgive things from the past has prevented me from enjoying life to its fullest. Is unfair to my husband (I am really hard on him about things he has done. I try to remember to pray about this on a regular basis.

All we can do is look at things as honestly as we can--as in not be afraid to tell people when they do hurtful things (I have trouble with this) then try to understand where they are coming from. I wonder if some of mine is chemical--as in I just can't stop thinking about the same things over and over.

I have done something a bit like descansos by writing a memoir about my bad decision trying to figure out why I did it. It seems to have helped me a lot...So writing does help. I am glad you are posting about this.

Don't you hate it when you get triggered by things. I am sorry you are going through this.

[Barnogai17]

I understand how you feel here