No One to Talk To *Trigger Warning*

Every once in a while something will happen that sends me into depression overdrive. I go through lists on line looking for ways to cope. I cry. I journal. And yet I still can't deal with it. Something that always comes up is the suggestion to talk to someone. I don't have anyone. I have online friends but we're more acquaintances than anything else. My family doesn't listen. Or they don't have time. I end up crying myself to sleep.

I looked for a warmline in my state but we don't have one nearby that covers my county.

*** Trigger ***
Sometimes I go to bed thinking I've done everything in life I can do and now I'm tired and done. I think I don't care to do anything else. Great slumber take me away forever. Then I cry and cry and end up worrying about my cat. If I died, he would die too. No one checks on me or cares about me. I would lay dead in my apartment until somebody smelled me. I don't want to do that to my cat.

I wish I didn't have to get to that point. And I can't tell anyone about it or they'll lock me up. But this is how I cope. And I've been hospitalized more times than I can remember.

I'm also lonely and been locked up numerous times, have a cat, and have had similar thoughts although not crying these days. PM me if you want someone to chat with.

I'm so sorry you are going through this
I know the feeling and it can be hard to read about reaching out to get out of a depression when your environment isn't responding. That always sends me down the spiral. But: You are not responsible for their reaction. If you ask for help and you don't get it, it isn't your fault. You just haven't been understood and that hurts, but it doesn't mean that you in fact cannot be understood. It is so important to know the difference.
What I found helps me a bit is imagining the reaction that I long for. Basically I listen to the Live Awake podcast and tell myself all the things I wish to hear from a friend or my family or I remember a moment when a true connection was possible and I felt accepted by someone. I try to reconnect with the part of me that feels lost and it eases the pain a bit.
Know that you are worthy, and you are loved.
If crying helps, then cry. If you decide you need to try something new, do that. You are definitely not the only person on earth feeling this way. Don't give up and try to be good to yourself.
(((( hugs ))))

Im sure there are tons of people, on psychology websites, like this who are willing to talk to you when you need it, you just have to ask 🙂

I have been hospitalized against my will several times. After several years and decades I finally was able to admit my illness to myself. That was the turning point for me, and I even could notice when I needed to put myself in the psych ward. The stigma was what was holding me back. I just wrote this to let you know there are others out there who could relate to you. good luck!!

We're willing to listen if you need to vent. I'm sorry you don't have anybody IRL

Hi Deilla,

I can hear how much you're hurting and how exhausting it must to be to cry yourself to sleep without someone to comfort you. Feeling such intense pain can take a lot out of us and make it hard to keep going forward. I admire how you've tried to cope with your pain and reaching out for help on here. Sometimes we can feel frozen in our struggles and it's a positive step that you're trying things (not that it takes away from what you're going through. You're experience is valid, no matter what.)

It sounds like you've been fighting these demons for a long time and I imagine it may feel like they're suffocating you and will never stop. I can relate to feeling like that. Something that has helped me is try to validate my experience and seek resources that validate me such as...online forums, books, or mental health videos/blogs etc. Feeling heard is generally the need I try to meet first when I'm feeling low. I will then reach out to people online as an interim support and try to remind myself that I may not have people who I feel care right now, but that doesn't mean it'll always be that way.

I hope I helped some. It's clear that you have a strength in you in that you're still here and fighting those thoughts. I know there aren't quick fixes, but I hope you continue to keep going and reaching out and using tools you've learned.

My thoughts are with you

Heyy hun. I just want to say coming from a person with very deep depression, no matter how bad you are feeling or how bad your thought process is, suicide is never the answer!! I can say that talkin to someone, whoever it may be really does help. Even if its just talking to us here on these forums, its deffinately better than nothing and worth it. I wish you the best of luck with your life and just hang in there please!!