[seesaw]

After the last Saturday where the day at the mansion became too much for me, I am keenly aware of my limits again. I had been doing so well, with working from home, and enjoying the visit with my family, that I had seemed to forget that I have such terrible anxiety and depression.

Today I really want to go ride my bike for a couple of hours before I have to go work this concert for my client, but I'm terribly concerned that going straight from the bike to the concert (yes, I'll clean up in between) will spark too much anxiety, and I won't have my service dog with me because he's healing from an injury.

The other thing is that I'm flying out to visit my biggest client on Tuesday and will be there for four days, meeting with her staff, and also talking to her organization partners because they want to hire me too. The itinerary isn't too bad yet, but I'm definitely going to need my downtime at the hotel each evening. Again, no service dog on this trip due to his healing injury.

I'm not sure how I'm going to handle it all. I need to start making a coping plan in writing and putting it in a note on my phone so I know what to do when I start to shut down or freak out.

I just have so much anxiety and so many PTSD triggers, I'm so worried that I'll just meltdown on my trip.

At this point I'm having anxiety about having anxiety...which goes back to when my agoraphobia was full-blown.

I know I need to work on this, and I'm trying to, but this just seems like a lot for me to do right at this moment in time...I wish I had time to work up to this trip.

Seesaw

[divine1966]

Have a number of things that might help taking attention off your stressors, such as load some music on your phone and have headphones, book, tablet with movies etc Depends what keeps you distracted.

Make a list of what could be helpful when you are overwhelmed. Prepare to post in PC or journal etc Think of people you can text or call if you need it.

depends on what works for you normally.

PS going from bike ride to a concert might be too much. Make your ride short. Like 30 minutes. So you have more time in between

[seesaw]

Originally Posted by divine1966

Have a number of things that might help taking attention off your stressors, such as load some music on your phone and have headphones, book, tablet with movies etc Depends what keeps you distracted.

Make a list of what could be helpful when you are overwhelmed. Prepare to post in PC or journal etc Think of people you can text or call if you need it.

depends on what works for you normally.

PS going from bike ride to a concert might be too much. Make your ride short. Like 30 minutes. So you have more time in between

Yeah, I did decide to go on my bike ride, but I only rode an hour on the trail instead of the whole trail, which would have been two hours, so I had enough time to come home, decompress, fix lunch, and get to the concert.

Yeah, I need to stay focused on what the purpose of the trip is and not let other stressors get my attention. With the trip to the mansion last week, it was that damn photographer and then being around too many people. I have to figure out how I'm going to handle all that. I need to sit down and write out the plan and the options.

Seesaw

Someone gave me some advice because I was worried about becoming overwhelmed by something I was / am afraid to do. "Take it one day at a time." Even one moment at a time, and we'll be here for you if you need us along the way. In terms of actually dealing with the things that stress you out and trigger you, I think it is pretty great (and realistic and practical of you) that you want to find ways to deal with these things. It sounds like these things are coming up soon though, and frantically cramming DBT wouldn't be the most helpful thing atm, lol, but the more I hear about DBT, the more helpful I think it is for myself with stressors and maybe you can look into it later if you haven't already and if you have an interest. There's a lot of ways to self soothe. Does riding your bike help? Walking?

ps: the whole thing that happened with your parents, I don't see it as a bad thing. I know you wanted things to work out a certain way and felt badly that they didn't, and were also triggered, and it sounded like you felt guilty, etc bc they decided to go home early.... but I don't know....it didn't seem like such a bad thing to me. I hope that doesn't sound like I'm minimizing. I'm more trying to normalize it. You are you!!! Being you, you have your own limits and boundaries that may be different from other people's limits and boundaries.....but they have them too. Was there anything you did that time that made you feel better afterward?

Big hugs.

[Deejay14]

I know when my PTSD and anxiety gets up I forget what to do to help myself even though I am well practiced.so now I keep a cheat sheet on my refrigerator to remind me. I also have coping options on my tablet. I use STOP,BREATHE, THINK a lot. I know you can handle this trip successfully, Seesaw. All you have written here gives me great confidence in your capabilities. Stay in the moment 5 seconds at a time if that's what it takes.

[seesaw]

Thanks starrysky and deejay.

I have created an itinerary. I have thought about how each day will go. I have checked out the hotel and see that it has a gym so I will be able to get a workout each day I'm there.

I've packed, and I'm very comfortable and happy with all 3 of the outfits I've chosen. I need to do some work tomorrow to prepare for the visit. I need to print some documents and go over some stuff.

I'm feeling pretty good about the whole thing. I just need to make sure I have some down time when I can be alone. My hotel is really close to the office. On the first full day in town I think I may have lunch to myself. I may get a salad and eat it in my hotel room just so I can have some peace and quiet. I also checked and they will have a workspace for me so I can have some place to sit and work at the office.

I think even if I can have 30 minutes in my hotel room to drink a cup of coffee mid-day if I need that.

I am trying to plan when to have a drink with my friends. I think I'm going to invite them to join me for dinner one of the evenings, and if they come, they come, if not, that's okay. But I will do that earlier in the evening so I have time for my workout and relaxing in the evening.

I know lots of people like to sightsee or go out on business trips. Heck, I used to do that. But I just don't have the capacity to be "on" at work during the day and go out at night. Not anymore, anyhow.

Just trying to stay mindful and calm.

Seesaw

Originally Posted by seesaw

Thanks starrysky and deejay.

I have created an itinerary. I have thought about how each day will go. I have checked out the hotel and see that it has a gym so I will be able to get a workout each day I'm there.

I've packed, and I'm very comfortable and happy with all 3 of the outfits I've chosen. I need to do some work tomorrow to prepare for the visit. I need to print some documents and go over some stuff.

I'm feeling pretty good about the whole thing. I just need to make sure I have some down time when I can be alone. My hotel is really close to the office. On the first full day in town I think I may have lunch to myself. I may get a salad and eat it in my hotel room just so I can have some peace and quiet. I also checked and they will have a workspace for me so I can have some place to sit and work at the office.

I think even if I can have 30 minutes in my hotel room to drink a cup of coffee mid-day if I need that.

I am trying to plan when to have a drink with my friends. I think I'm going to invite them to join me for dinner one of the evenings, and if they come, they come, if not, that's okay. But I will do that earlier in the evening so I have time for my workout and relaxing in the evening.

I know lots of people like to sightsee or go out on business trips. Heck, I used to do that. But I just don't have the capacity to be "on" at work during the day and go out at night. Not anymore, anyhow.

Just trying to stay mindful and calm.

Seesaw

I love this.

[FallDuskTrain]

Seesaw;
I don't foresee you having any difficulty during this trip. In fact this trip will probably go much smoother than you think. You will feel very accomplished and that confidence will eliminate any anxiety you might have. And, I hope that you will have enough time for yourself in the evening.
Reach out to us if you feel overwhelmed and we will make you feel better; although as I said, you will have a wonderful time meeting new co-workers and receiving compliments for your work.

[seesaw]

Originally Posted by FallDuskTrain

Seesaw;
I don't foresee you having any difficulty during this trip. In fact this trip will probably go much smoother than you think. You will feel very accomplished and that confidence will eliminate any anxiety you might have. And, I hope that you will have enough time for yourself in the evening.
Reach out to us if you feel overwhelmed and we will make you feel better; although as I said, you will have a wonderful time meeting new co-workers and receiving compliments for your work.

Well, I feel totally unprepared right now...but I have a long day of air travel tomorrow in which I can focus on getting work done from the plane.

Actually the biggest problem I'm having right now, well, today was crazy with me running around all over town to get stuff done. But I had to drop the dogs off at the sitters earlier this evening and I've been home alone all night. I've never been without them. My service dog usually travels with me, but he can't this time because of his wound that is still healing. So he and my other dog are staying with a sitter. I don't know how I'm going to sleep tonight without them. Fish always sleeps right next to me in bed. I usually wake up in the morning when he tries to snuggle by burrowing his nose under my head and snoring into my ear, lol.

I found a Denny's that is a few blocks from the Hotel, so I can get a nice breakfast each morning.

Seesaw

[divine1966]

Too early in the morning but all I saw was that you have “fish” sleeping right there by you in bed. For a minute I thought did you place aquarium IN your bed or by your bed? Took me a second to realize it’s your dog! Good luck on your trip!

Originally Posted by seesaw

After the last Saturday where the day at the mansion became too much for me, I am keenly aware of my limits again. I had been doing so well, with working from home, and enjoying the visit with my family, that I had seemed to forget that I have such terrible anxiety and depression.

Today I really want to go ride my bike for a couple of hours before I have to go work this concert for my client, but I'm terribly concerned that going straight from the bike to the concert (yes, I'll clean up in between) will spark too much anxiety, and I won't have my service dog with me because he's healing from an injury.

The other thing is that I'm flying out to visit my biggest client on Tuesday and will be there for four days, meeting with her staff, and also talking to her organization partners because they want to hire me too. The itinerary isn't too bad yet, but I'm definitely going to need my downtime at the hotel each evening. Again, no service dog on this trip due to his healing injury.

I'm not sure how I'm going to handle it all. I need to start making a coping plan in writing and putting it in a note on my phone so I know what to do when I start to shut down or freak out.

I just have so much anxiety and so many PTSD triggers, I'm so worried that I'll just meltdown on my trip.

At this point I'm having anxiety about having anxiety...which goes back to when my agoraphobia was full-blown.

I know I need to work on this, and I'm trying to, but this just seems like a lot for me to do right at this moment in time...I wish I had time to work up to this trip.

Seesaw

Best of luck on your trip! I hope it goes smoothly for you. Sounds like you made all the necessary arrangements and plans to make sure you will be OK. Very smart!!! Let us know how it goes.

[seesaw]

Sleeping last night was difficult and I have a ton of work to get done on the plane today but it's a long flight and the plane is supposed to have plugs for electronics so I can work the whole.flight probably and get a lot done.

[hvert]

Hope you have a good trip - you are well prepared!

[seesaw]

Originally Posted by divine1966

Too early in the morning but all I saw was that you have “fish” sleeping right there by you in bed. For a minute I thought did you place aquarium IN your bed or by your bed? Took me a second to realize it’s your dog! Good luck on your trip!

Haha. Yes, that confuses people all the time. Fish is my dog. But he had his first night away last night. I didn't sleep so well without him next to me. I think it will be easier to sleep in the hotel without him because it's not like being at home without him. I will be glad when this trip and all this travel nonsense dies down and I can establish a normal routine again.

Seesaw

[Deejay14]

Seesaw, hope your flight went well and you are now relaxing in your room. I have no doubt this will be a good trip.

[seesaw]

So the trip has gone very well. My client is super happy with me and has nothing but positive things to say. There was some normal stress but I just tried to stay very present and manage myself. Yesterday I recognized a couple of times I hit a wall because of jetlag and I was just honest with my colleagues that I needed a break and they all respected that and would give me a few minutes to get coffee, eat, and regroup.

It all went really well, and I'm really proud of myself for going on what would be a really stressful business trip for anyone really and managing it really well. Tonight my client and I let our hair down and talked personally, and she asked, because we were talking about me moving out here, and I said I need six months to make that transition, and she asked if it's because of my health (she knows from my work history that I was ill and took time off from work). I was honest and said yes. I said that I'm perfectly fine to get things done, but I have to be able to manage myself. And she's been through 3 huge projects with me already so she knows that it doesn't hold me back and that I have figured out how to cope. She isn't worried about it all. I forget how the conversation went exactly but I felt comfortable telling her about my PTSD and also that I was in a very stable place but I do cope with it daily. She said that she never would have known and that I handle things better than "normal" people and had nothing but the highest praise for me.

Anyways, it went really well. I have plenty of work for the year, and it's likely that I will move and eventually come on as a full-time employee. I was so worried I would have a meltdown but I guess the past few months working on things and coping skills from a new angle really helped and I didn't feel any of the anxiety that I had expected. Some normal anticipation, but I was totally at ease.

Seesaw

[divine1966]

So glad to hear that!!!! Excellent news!!!!