[jrae]

so I'm not sure exactly where to put this, so I'll try here.

my Grandma died last week Friday. I didn't know the extent of things until I walked into her hospital room Tuesday of last week and heard my mom talking to my sister about it, to which I was shocked to hear them call it end-of-life care! this is my Grandmother on my dad's side, all three other grandparents have been gone for fifteen-plus years now.

so later that Tuesday evening, I sent out an email to some of the relatives on the other side of my family, aka my mom's side. and as sad as this sounds, all I have is two friends, plus relatives - that's it for "friends"! so that's who I MYSELF told about this.

I'm f-ing pissed at what I found out this evening. a little birdie told me that my mom asked 'them' / her sister to delete the email I sent out!!! I mean, WTF?! am I not allowed to ask people to keep me and my family in their thoughts and prayers because of MY Grandma?!?!?! or do I as a thirty-plus year-old have to run s**t thru my mom first?!?!

and this is not the first time she's done crap like this, but the last time I guess I could understand it a little - a f-ing LITTLE! but now, for crying out loud, it's my Grandma! she was like my best friend, in a way, and I'm so terrified about the negative effect this is going to have on me! so why the h**l can't I talk about someone that is special to me??

and of course, I can't call her out on it - can't reveal my un-named source! and the one person I could maybe mention this too is my dad's sister, who just had two funerals in one week - so it's not like I can right now.

so how the h**l does a person deal with emotions like this?? and at a time like this?????

[MickeyCheeky]

This is terrible... I'm so sorry. Your mother sounds very controlling. Do you live with her?

And I'm sorry for your grandmother as well.

Originally Posted by jrae

so later that Tuesday evening, I sent out an email to some of the relatives on the other side of my family, aka my mom's side. and as sad as this sounds, all I have is two friends, plus relatives - that's it for "friends"! so that's who I MYSELF told about this.

my mom asked 'them' / her sister to delete the email I sent out!!! I mean, WTF?! am I not allowed to ask people to keep me and my family in their thoughts and prayers because of MY Grandma?!?!?! or do I as a thirty-plus year-old have to run s**t thru my mom first?!?!

I'm so terrified about the negative effect this is going to have on me! so why the h**l can't I talk about someone that is special to me??

and of course, I can't call her out on it - can't reveal my un-named source!

so how the h**l does a person deal with emotions like this?? and at a time like this?????

I am so sorry your mom did this to you. She needs to butt out of your relationships. If you can't call her on this then look for the next time she interferes in your life and call her on that. She is ruining the relationship between you and her by acting like this. She needs to understand that everyone expresses/releases their grief differently.

You are talking about it here. Though it is not quite the same (we can't physically hug you) your online PC friends want to comfort you. PC has provided me a bit of friendship and comfort. Sometimes I discuss things here (posts and PM) before I discuss them (or something related) to people IRL. I really don't have friends like I did when I was in high school in college. My husband, daughter, and son are my only constant companions so I can relate to feeling like I lack friends.

You may always have moments where you feel sad and miss your grandmother but time will make those intense feelings happen less often.

I have mentioned this before at PC (either in a post of PM). When my mom died, I cried at the funeral then maybe a couple more times but just buried my emotions as much as I could (there is nothing wrong with that nor was it wrong that my brother and sister were constantly crying for a while. ). This left me at unease for about five years. Then my mother came to me in a dream. In that dream I felt like she hugged me and said she understood my behavior toward her -- that it was OK what I did and that she truly loved me.) I had treated my mother very badly sometimes growing up and when I graduated high school, went to the university that was the farthest away in my state, joinned AFROTC (the military)--essentially left at 18 years old and rarely came home (years and years like when I was stationed overseas for 4.5 years). I should have spent more time with her. Now that I am a mother, I realize how painful this must have been for her but I know she still loved me.

Your mom likely loves you but you must be firm with her and tell her whenever she is not treating you right. If it is possible (I know not all relationships are the same) keep communicating what you believe rather than running away like I did (my mom was anxious, firm and controlling, not abusive). Of course, if she is abusive, then figure out how to run away.

I sort of went off on a tangent here but I feel for how hard it is for you right now. Hugs. I will pray that you will get to the point that your heart quiets and you feel more at peace about losing your grandmother. When we feel bad about losing people, it is because we once shared something special with them. It seems like, in this life, love is not without pain.

[lady411]

First and foremost I am so sorry for your loss. I am also sorry your mother is not allowing you to grieve in your own personal way. Just give it time to find a good time to talk to her about how you feel about her interventions.