How are you coping today?

Well I feel low but am coping more or less.I am still lonely but I kept busy,I wrapped presents and cleaned the kitchen,did the washing up,put it away and sorted the recycling,mopped the kitchen floor.I slept this afternoon.I am wrapped in blankets and lazing on the sofa in front of the tv now.I want more company,December is a quiet non eventful month and I am skint.It all went on presents.January I have more on and more opportunities to meet new people.I must not complain God has been good to me.I am 20 days no contact with my narcissist mother and narcissist sister.It is peaceful and I feel safe for the first time in 37 years.

today was productive, since I decided that today would be the day that I finish off all my decorating for christmas- and since I did it in under an hour (more or less), I treated myself to mcdonalds

I'm not meant to eat during the middle of the day (to do with my eating problems), but I'm feeling okay- no ill affects from it yet

a little irritated over the fact that people are telling me one thing, but actually doing another- but hat seems a daily occurance. I think being honest with me is something peoplej ust can't do for some reason- and it seems I'm like the only one

I had a good day I saw the film,Girl In A Spider's Web,excellent thriller.
Had an old foe resurface,a friend of my narcissist sister and her then boyfriend,this old foe was racist to me and verbally abusive and called me a rich ***** and was freeloading off me and seemed to feel superior and that she deserved to have all my money and me be left with none,she made me feel guilty and scapegoated me for all the poverty in the world.She told me her sister had committed suicide in the year 2000,I knew her in the 90's,at the time she told me to go kill myself,I'd been feeling suicidal,I said that's murder,she said I won't do it,you will do it yourself.Anyway today I remembered all the abuse and thing is she has joined the same political party as me so I will bump into her and mix with the same people,which is upsetting,but I am not going to let her get to me.She's making out she's changed but I posted on facebook on one of her threads about facists how a certain someone called me a rich ***** in the 90's and was racist to me without mentioning names.I am waiting to see what her response will be.

But anyway today I had a good day and wasn't just coping for a change.

I'm annoyed at myself because I was leant a dvd yesterday of "elf", and I said I'd watch it yesterday (I didn't), I'd watch it today (I didn't), this person is going to need it back soon so she can watch it over christmas. I'm just not very good at sticking to what I say (or I am, but only if it's something I really want to do)

emotion wise I've been feeling okay, well, that is until this afternoon- someonem ade a comment about my medication and now I'm feeling bad again (borderline suicidal)

funny how one comment can change your whole outlook- even if the comment is very small

It's early yet,so far I am doing ok,think it is raining out,the weather is awful.Later I am going to my favourite cafe for lunch and to see the Robert Redford film.

doing okay.

this morning did all my shopping list, and now just chilling

had my shower too, gross but yeah what would be new on that front

I had a good day though it was raining heavily all morning.I hung out at my favourite cafe,saw a bit of the Robert Redford film but fell asleep half way through it,I still enjoyed my day though and I coped well.

doing ok i guess just frustrated with things cant seem to get things all sorted out

I slept early last night,so am up in the early hours right now.I am coping ok.I was able to retrieve some photos to replace the ones stolen by my sister by logging into to my photo service account where images were stored.So I can have them printed again.I am pleased about that.And an old friend sent me photos of when we were on holiday together.

I am surprised at how relaxed and happy I am after going no contact with my family for 20 days.It is peaceful and I have all this freedom.

having a nice stable start to the weekend.

no plans so just chilling out

Actually got up early enough to brush my teeth and take a shower. I always eat breakfast and take my meds, but I can be lazy about personal hygiene except on the weekends.

I've been sleepy all day and I gave up trying and spent the afternoon asleep on the sofa.
I feel despondent today,slightly depressed,wanting company again,my solitude disturbs me sometimes.I wish I had someone at home to chat to.I'm not coping with the isolation very well.

Fine, managed to what I needed to do. Struggling a bit with some silly negative daydreams, but trying to stop them or turn them positive.

I really, really, really, hate gloves

I hate the feel of them, I hate the sound of them, and I hate that they remind me so much of abuse

I say this because I had a really bad flashback last night to one of my old abusers and he was wearing ****ing gloves

I know I'm ranting about it, but it really, really irks me- when it ends and i'm shaking- well, something was- and I'm pretty sure that my shoulders and legs left my body to have their own little disco on the edge of a ****ing snowstorm

it was a hard night for me, and hard for me to remember all that abuse. I know that I probably need to get ridd of all the gloves I can find and ****ing burn them

going to the bathroom at 1 A.M was the thing that saved me. realised where I was and started to relax a little. I'm safe, warm and okay

so far today is going so slow
it's 10 A.M, and ffeels even earlier. it's a weird feeling

Very bad.

in the words of next to normal, " it's just another day"

really nothing exciting happening.

feel a mixture of irritibillity and depression.

no more flashbacks which is a nice positive

watched the final of I'm a celebrity get me out of here last night and it was won by the football manager (which was good, I think he deserved it)

Not very well, because of lack of sleep last night (noise). Got up late and had no energy. But I managed to get everything done, so I can actually breathe now.

Overwhelmed, as usual. Looking at my desk which looks like something out of "Buried Alive". Wanting to establish order but completely clueless as to where to begin. I know they say, "Just start somewhere", but WHERE????

pain levels are terrible today- my back, my legs, my shoulders, all in a lot of pain.

food wise I feel like I need a real deecent meal.. yesterday I had garlic chicken kiev (which is okay, but I can not stand the smell of garlic!), and I had prawn crackers- which are okay, but none of it was really filling for me. for breakfast today I had bacon, again, nice, but barely much of it.

sleep wise.. I've just not been getting any, not even an hour- it's tough, but also my body is used to it, and because I don't get the signals to my brain to relax... well, yeah

mood wise I guess I'm okay, unmotivated to really do much, but otherwise good

Much better than yesterday.

Not well at all. Getting up late was bad enough and I haven't been able to handle the other things that have happened today, which most of them wouldn't have been an issue if I'd gotten up at a decent time.

I get up everyday as say, I got this. Life is about choices and I chose to be positive and happy even though I have bad days. Today is not one of them, thankfully.

this morning, I felt the physical age of 107

my back was hurting so much, and I was bent over in pain. more than one time I thought I was going to just " go over", my legs were starting to go too and even before breakfast I had to sit down because the pain was just too much- needless to say I felt very very irritable

my breakfast smelled amazing,, but smells arn't always reliable- it didn't taste as good as it smelled (it was nice, but nothing special), maybe because I as still in pain and couldn't properly enjoy it

then checked my emails and watched recess: the movie (I found it was on, and I rememberd watching recess in the 90's,) it was a nice memory- so that killed an hour

and then I have done nothing for the rest of the day, accept for posting here and listening to the christmas music- still in pain too, (not as much as earlier but still a lot)

mood's good and depression is low

Calmed down from before. Though as always I'm dreading "bedtime" though I don't even know what that is anymore.

my positive today is that I tried a candycain for the first time

in all these years i've actually never had one. it tasted good, like a stick of rock from the seaside. I've also sorted my shopping list now, so tomorrow I'll work on ordering it all

I'm not feeling anything special, I'm just going through them otions- of getting breakfast, having a drink, listening to music, doing what ever else I need to do to get through the day.. I don't feel great but don't feel terrible either

just getting by and doing what I need to do