[Aviza]

Brother and mother do not want me moving out. Mom doesn't want to live alone. Brother likes someone keeping an eye on her. He knows not ideal but says we both do better having a person around.

A subsidized apartment is approved and available. It's nice i saw it today. Mom even said it was nice. But now I have a womsn gathering info to get me in it and I'm not even sure i want it. Mom charges less rent nicer space, company. But she's bossy.

I need to do a pro cons list. This is a hard decision. I asked about where i would live when she dies. My brother said he'd use inheritance money to buy me a condo. Which eases my mind.

Still should i comply with family needs or do what will give me independance?

[ShadowGX]

Is there enough money that your family could consider hiring help and let you live your life? I think it's unfair of them to ask you to give up a life you want, but at the same time if my mom asked the same of me, I would have a hard time refusing too. I'm very happy being independent so I would not want to give it up as much as I love my mom. We made each other miserable when I lived at home, so I guess I'm a little more biased because of that. We've discussed what will happen to her and my dad when they get old and I told them I'd do my best to keep them in their homes for as long as possible. They're not rich though, so hiring 24/7 care isn't going to be an option, but if we can afford to hire just enough help that they can stay at home and I come help where the gaps are (this is my profession so I can do it all, only issue would be time) then that's the ideal. Of course this is planned now while I have no life, so we don't know what the future holds.

If hiring help isn't an option at all for whatever reason or maybe she doesn't need it, maybe try talking to your mom and explain why you want to get out? Hopefully she would understand and as your mom want what is best for you.

tl;dr I'd see about hiring help and giving yourself some independence, maybe coming to help at times if it would ease the financial burden and either way try talking to your mom about it because she might understand.

[Aviza]

Thank you for your response. She is fine and able to live independantly, but is codependant. I really don't know what to do. I am codependant too.