Impatience and Self-Hatred over Texts

I've been having problems lately controlling my patience and emotions over whether or not someone replies to my text messages/emails. All started a few months ago I was catching up with a friend over text. As she had recent success with relationships, while I have been struggling with interpersonal relationships in recent times, I reached out to ask her opinion over what positive qualities she saw in me, as I've done with my close friends and family to combat my self-esteem problems, because she has been one of the better friends I've met in recent times. No response. Another instance of this happening was when I wished a crush of mine happy birthday, I thought it would be a chance to ask her how things were going, as we had not talked in awhile. Again no response. After some of these occurrences I have had more frequent intrusive thought attacks, with my anxiety screaming things like: "You're insane!" "You are an intrusive burden!" "You're handling this all wrong!" "You should have known better than to continue those conversations!" As with talking to friends of the opposite gender: "You are a dangerous disgusting disgrace, and you have no business with women!"

I've realized this swirl of emotions over text messages has become a problem because I've become more self-conscious and over-analyzing of how I handle my relationships or interact with others. The very fact if someone replies to me or not can really make me grumpy, often for several days at a time. When someone actually does reply to my texts, and just happens to be slow doing so, I get angry with myself for letting my impatience distract myself. This happened when I was remotely working with a friend on a project that needed urgent attention and made him stressed because I kept texting him, as I assigned him a role to work with me on this up-and-coming project, and he responded after 20 minutes of waiting for him to get to a Wi-Fi hotspot.

Am I crazy like I think I am? How can I be more patient with waiting for text messages/emails and regain control of my emotions?

Think logically. If you text someone with some urgent information that concerns them, they’ll get right back to you unless something prevents them.

The friend that never responded to the question about your qualities is strange. There must be some reason for the ghosting. I’d need more information to fully understand.

Either the love interest is into you or isn’t. Their ghosting says they aren’t. Take it at face value and move on.

In general, texts and email should be answered in a day or maybe a week. Heck, I had one answered months later. It’s like returning a telephone message. Nobody owes you an immediate response.

Thanks TishaBuy.

As for the first person who I talked to over text, we were catching up after I wished her happy birthday (a common time for me to think of others), but then that question came a few days after we spoke. She had success with dating, whereas I've had struggled to even maintain friendships for both genders. But since I've become self-conscious particularly over meeting women, even if there's no romance intended, that's why I reached out to this person, thinking what better way to find out my positive qualities that women find in me by asking one?

I guess to clarify about my second instance of ghosting, we live in different cities, so really I guess this friend is a former crush but still have been good friends.

I'm so sorry you're struggling, DazedandConfused254 I can relate to your struggles. I often get paranoid when it comes to text messages as well. Try to give yourself some time limit before trying again (like maybe three days). It also seems like this may be caused by some self-esteem issues you have. Do you think that may be correct? Perhaps you need to work on that. Maybe buy some books on the subjects. Do you see a therapist? I'm sorry you have to deal with this

Thanks so much for your reply like always, Mickey. Good thing to know I'm not alone in this. Some of the things that I text about aren't as important, but especially if the conversation is at a standstill, maybe I can try again. No one has to be perfect in managing messages, but there's no reason to be ignored.

You are right about the self-esteem issues. I went through a rough patch for awhile in school and my first job, which of course has long since abated, but still there's has been a lot to process since then, especially feeling unworthy and undeserving, even when I've done nothing wrong. But thankfully I'm seeing a counselor at my uni which has helped sort things out

People have relationships over text now. I don’t get this. Relationships should be had in person, with texts and email in between. A conversation with a friend, like one about your qualities and self esteem, is much better to be had face to face IMHO.

Just leaving you some hugs, dazedandconfused

I'm sorry the other person ghosted you

You're right, I value in person relationships much more than remote ones. Since I'm going to a uni where I am one of only few people that I know left over after most others I knew have graduated, many of my relationships that I still keep up with are long-distance or over text/email, whatever. One thing I have against people my age is that they're either just too lazy to truly connect with others, or just plain narcissistic. I feel like I was born in the wrong generation of people

Those intrusive thoughts are recordings that your mind is playing, of things that was said to you when you were small.

I have encountered the drop off texting and ghosting so often that I assume its a common thing and that I am the oddball because I answer back right away?
I had a long distance relationship and after we broke up he got upset that I didn't text him as much. I explained that I was sorry but when he broke up with me, even though we were friends, its considered a priority change to not make him the first and foremost in my life. I had to let it go and ignore him sometimes because it was too hard on me to stay attached to him the way he wanted me to like we were still in a relationship but without the same emotional closeness and support. It hurt to not talk to him anymore...but....I just could not do that to myself.

Thanks for sharing. Rest assured you're not the oddball at all. Some times when I get snowed under with seeing friends or doing projects I won't answer right away but when I'm on, I'm on with messages. But in your case I think you are doing the right thing by cutting off ties with people who don't accept you for you.