[Mysterygirl202]

Trigger warning for possible ED/self harm/ etc type things.

I’m here again. It’s 1am. I’m exhausted and probably don’t make sense. Today (technically yesterday) was my birthday. The night before my best friend sat me down to tell me that she’s been lying to me about something the last year.

To give a little context. We are closer than you could imagine. We spend almost all our time together. We know everything about each other and we’ve never fought just debated haha. I thought I knew everything. Till she admitted to me about some bad things she got herself caught up in. This seems like small. But it’s a life changing thing for her. And it has hurt me greatly. Talking to her I wasn’t too concerned with how it affected me I just wanted to encourage her and comfort her as she goes through this.

However, when I got home the heaviness I’d what has happened but me. I felt so much grief... almost like mourning.. I’m so hurt for her lying to me for a year. I’m so hurt about what’s happened to her. I’m angry at those who have wronged her. I’m shocked I didn’t know. All today I just wanted to feel normal. Every hour, i’d Have a moment where I’d forget and then remember and end up holding back tears. When I think of it I just want to cry nonstop. I feel like the world has hit pause. I’m happy to know the truth and to try to help her and move forward... but I feel like a loss of trust and just this hurt for her. It’s so... complicated and I can’t even pinpoint why I feel this way I just took in a mass of info and the world is not what I thought it was and hasn’t been for a year.

I haven’t cut in 7 years. Which seemed impossible to me back when I couldn’t go even a month or few weeks. It’s a massive amount of time. Yet it’s on my mind. And I wonder why. And I think it’s because there’s nothing I can do about this horrible thing that’s happened. I can’t take her pain, I can only feel it. And that drives me nuts. There’s nothing to do but feel it, as I don’t want to. My mind wanders to try to find anything. And I’m aware it’s doing that. And I just want something. I know time will heal this. But... like right now it’s so fresh and so close. I want to sprint from it anyway I can. But I also know doing anything bad would hurt her and that’s the last thing I ant to do is cause her more pain. This is so weird. I don’t even know what I’m talking about. I have felt so stable for so long but today my emotions have just made me physically ill. I don’t have control over them right now. I think maybe not eating tomorrow will be the answer and make me feel better. And I know that’s not right. I’m not thinking clearly. If I do anything bad it will literally jut makes ethos whole situation worse and then hurt those around me.... yet I feel trapped in this pain of my friend and pain of the whole thing.

[Bill3]

[MickeyCheeky]

I'm so sorry you're hurting so much, Mysterygirl202 Try to hang on. It must be very hard for you. I'm sure your friend didn't want to betray your trust. I'm sure she still loves you as much as before. There are just some things that we don't feel comfortable sharing with even the closest people to us. It has nothing to d with you. It's not your fault. If you want to see the bright side, she did tell you in the end. That means that she must REALLy love you and trust you! Be proud of yourself for that. I'm so sorry you're going through all of this. I'm sure your relationship with her will grow even stronger after this affect. Just try to cope with the pain right now. It will pas. It won't be easy. It will take time. But it can be done. Do you see a therapist? Maybe that could help. You could learn new ways to cope with your feeling. I hope you'll be able to get the help you need and deserve. You deserve to get better and to feel good. You deserve to live an happy life just like everyone else. We're here for you if you need to talk about it. We all care about you here. We all love you here. Feel free to vent here as much as you want. You know we won't judge you. I promise that. You're a wonderful person, I'm sure of that. Stay strong, Mysterygirl202. Stay safe and take care of yourself. You're awesome! You're strong! You're a warrior! Try to hang on. I'm so sorry, I know it's hard. Please don't give up. I hope things will get better soon for you and your friend. Is there anything we can do help you and her? Please let us know. Feel free to PM me anytime. Let me know if I can do something to help you and your friend. I'm so sorry you both have to go through all of this

So sorry that you are going through this MysteryGirl. It sounds to me like you need some support. Perhaps the burden of your friend's revelation is too much for you to work through alone. Is there someone else in your life you can turn to for support? I'm sure you don't want to break your close friend's confidence so perhaps you could just tell someone else that you have a lot on your mind right now and just need some support. Or have you ever spoken with a therapist? For some coping strategies and comfort?

With regard to not eating, I understand you don't want to eat when you feel physically ill. I wouldn't want to eat then either. Just remember that going for long periods of time without food (or water) can actually trigger or exacerbate mood problems....our bodies need regular food and hydration in order to regulate our emotions. So try some light meals at regular intervals if you can.

You sound self-aware. I think that will help and I encourage you to find some tangible support while you work through these intense feelings. I wish you peace.

Originally Posted by Mysterygirl202

Trigger warning for possible ED/self harm/ etc type things.

I’m here again. It’s 1am. I’m exhausted and probably don’t make sense. Today (technically yesterday) was my birthday. The night before my best friend sat me down to tell me that she’s been lying to me about something the last year.

To give a little context. We are closer than you could imagine. We spend almost all our time together. We know everything about each other and we’ve never fought just debated haha. I thought I knew everything. Till she admitted to me about some bad things she got herself caught up in. This seems like small. But it’s a life changing thing for her. And it has hurt me greatly. Talking to her I wasn’t too concerned with how it affected me I just wanted to encourage her and comfort her as she goes through this.

However, when I got home the heaviness I’d what has happened but me. I felt so much grief... almost like mourning.. I’m so hurt for her lying to me for a year. I’m so hurt about what’s happened to her. I’m angry at those who have wronged her. I’m shocked I didn’t know. All today I just wanted to feel normal. Every hour, i’d Have a moment where I’d forget and then remember and end up holding back tears. When I think of it I just want to cry nonstop. I feel like the world has hit pause. I’m happy to know the truth and to try to help her and move forward... but I feel like a loss of trust and just this hurt for her. It’s so... complicated and I can’t even pinpoint why I feel this way I just took in a mass of info and the world is not what I thought it was and hasn’t been for a year.

I haven’t cut in 7 years. Which seemed impossible to me back when I couldn’t go even a month or few weeks. It’s a massive amount of time. Yet it’s on my mind. And I wonder why. And I think it’s because there’s nothing I can do about this horrible thing that’s happened. I can’t take her pain, I can only feel it. And that drives me nuts. There’s nothing to do but feel it, as I don’t want to. My mind wanders to try to find anything. And I’m aware it’s doing that. And I just want something. I know time will heal this. But... like right now it’s so fresh and so close. I want to sprint from it anyway I can. But I also know doing anything bad would hurt her and that’s the last thing I ant to do is cause her more pain. This is so weird. I don’t even know what I’m talking about. I have felt so stable for so long but today my emotions have just made me physically ill. I don’t have control over them right now. I think maybe not eating tomorrow will be the answer and make me feel better. And I know that’s not right. I’m not thinking clearly. If I do anything bad it will literally jut makes ethos whole situation worse and then hurt those around me.... yet I feel trapped in this pain of my friend and pain of the whole thing.