How do you cope with envy?

Why does your mental illness prevent you from losing weight?

Either way, it seems your mental illness is the first barrier. So don't focus on getting a girlfriend. Focus on learning to cope with your mental illness.

This isn't going to be easy, especially if you can't find a therapist, and I don't want to give the impression that I'm trivializing this issue. But I think you need to focus on this first, and take things one step at a time. Otherwise, you're going to get overwhelmed, and then just give up.

I'd like to find a person who understands me. It really helps other people. Ask anybody with MI here, who has pair, they'll answer that being single is much harder.

Think about it this way. Mental illness makes people suffer. Loneliness makes people suffer. You don't need to have 'A's on math to conclude that mental illness plus loneliness makes people suffer even more

I want to find solution for at least one of these problems. The problem is, that nothing seems to be able to get resolved.

That's why I decided to adapt. If I can't resolve my global problems, I'll start resolving small ones, like feeling envy, anger, etc. And someday will be able to, at least, work, so my parents don't have to feed me on their money.

Forgot to answer, that my mental illness is getting worse each time I'm trying to keep a diet, or do some sports, so that's why I can't lose weight

We all seek to be understood, even me. That's understandable.

A romantic relationship, however, is another thing entirely. There's no guarantee that it'll make you happier. There's a very good chance that it will make you more miserable. Relationships are a lot of work and can be extremely stressful, and it requires you to have a lot of skills that you don't currently possess.

It's a lot more complicated than simple math. Allow me to use a better analogy. Relationships are a lot like swimming. It can be enjoyable, even therapeutic and good for your overall health. But if you dive into the ocean without knowing how to swim, you're going to drown.

That's why I decided to adapt. If I can't resolve my global problems, I'll start resolving small ones, like feeling envy, anger, etc.

It's good that you're looking at the smaller problems, but feeling envy or anger is not a small problem that's easily resolved.

Forgot to answer, that my mental illness is getting worse each time I'm trying to keep a diet, or do some sports, so that's why I can't lose weight.


Why is that?

> It's a lot more complicated than simple math. Allow me to use a better analogy. Relationships are a lot like swimming. It can be enjoyable, even therapeutic and good for your overall health. But if you dive into the ocean without knowing how to swim, you're going to drown.

Yeah, but if I've never been in water, how on earth can I learn how to swim?

That makes no sense. You say that I'm bad in relationships even though I've never had any chance to be in there. Even I don't know for myself, how good I am. How do you know it for sure?

Yeah, you know, now I understand that my question about envy and other is so stupid. It's like you're on thirst, and you seek for solution to cope with it, instead of just drinking some water. That's impossible. No one can, that will be painful in any way.

I surmised it from earlier posts in this thread and your general demeanor.

You know, Thomas Edison in his school was told that he's too stupid to learn anything. Yet everyone knows the name of the man responsible for inventing the lightbulb. Moreover, I don't think relationships is really a skill that learned by many attempts. Are you single?

Because I talked much to friends who are in relationships, and they don't consider it as a skill, like swimming.

I'm not telling you that you'll never be in a relationship. In fact, it was you who said that.

A relationship is not a skill, but it requires certain skills, which you need to learn those skills if you want to have a successful and happy relationship. Thomas Edison didn't pull a lightbulb out of thin air. He had to work at it for a very long time before he finally succeeded. So yes, you will be in a relationship, but it takes work.

I'm single by choice.

That's why you don't understand me. Believe me, there are some people who's just not designed to be alone. They suffer alone more than in the worst relationships ever. And I'm among them.

How would you know if you've never been in a real relationship?

I think ... and correct me if I'm wrong ... but I think you're seeing a relationship as a solution to your misery. It isn't. It won't make you happy.

And I may not be in a relationship, but I've been in plenty.

I don't want plenty of relationships. I'm not sure we're talking about the same type of relationships. Can you describe what are you expecting from relationships?

Edit: what you were expecting from relationships, when you were building ones?

I didn't imply that you wanted multiple relationships. I only mentioned it to say that I know from experience that merely being in a relationship won't make you happy.

I didn't expect anything.

Edited to add: I'm going to bow out of this conversation for a while. I know you said you wanted purely practical solutions, but you seem to be taking it a little too personally, and I don't want to upset you.

You guys are killing me. 😂😂😂Was it you dancing with bears I saw in WI?

I deal with envy by trying to be successful myself

A manager came in after being at another store for a month. She looked amazing and said she had lost 25 pounds by eating a low carb diet. I felt kind of envious because I had put on 15 pounds. So I said to myself “why don’t you give this low carb diet a shot?” And it seems to be working because my pants are now falling off. So I just found a solution to better my own situation instead of getting envious that she looked good and I didn’t.

Why not focus on building friendships or simply some type of social circle? Do you have friends? Plenty of time to have relationships . Plus many relationships start with friendship first

Because the point is, that no one loves fat. No one loves mental. No one loves ones living with their parents

Just let me use that math analogy again and you'll see that these three things make the chances equal to zero.

Regarding friendship, I do have friends. But all of them are guys.

I’d say at 30 living with parents might be a turn off. At 18 is very common. Attending college etc many live with parents. Overweight is relative. Maybe after living in the Midwest my concept of overweight is skewed. Ton of people are heavier than average. Mental health illness is certainly making it more difficult to date.

Haha, I used to knew a guy, he was my gym trainer, and he was 28. He had his own apartment that is even better and costs more than his parents' one. But he kept living with parents until he found a girlfriend. I asked what was the reason of it? The answer was "I'm too lazy to cook for myself"

Actually, I don't really understand what's my problem. I mean, does all of it really affects finding a right woman? I'm thinking of it this way: if the person loves you for not who you are, but for what you have (good body shape, money, etc.), why would I even date with this person? There's no chances for strong relationships in this case, I think. Because it's more looks to me like a marketplace relationships. You give money, and somebody gives you a product/service.

But does the love work this way? Is there even a place for statements like "I love him for six abs", or "I love him for his Ferrari"? I don't think so. I don't love others for anything except themselves.

You can say that if I think this way, why won't I just look out for a fat girl? That's logically right, but there's something I need to say. The love between man and woman is not only soul-to-soul love. It's also about body-to-body love. And I can't build truly relationships with a person who I don't want to have intimacy with. I don't really like fat girls.

But, I see a lot of couples, in which one of them is fat. I didn't say "ugly". Just fat. I know some girls who love fat guys, and I know some guys who love fat girls. So my best bet is, probably, to find a girl who loves my body as it is.