At least in a hospital I don’t have to defend myself at every turn, watch my back at all times, worry about what’s coming next or anything. At least I’d be taken care of for once. I’m on the brink of an emotional breakdown. I want to end it all RIGHT NOW.

[Skeezyks]

I've been hospitalized twice (in my case involuntarily.) Neither experience was anything to write home about, as the saying goes. But it kept me safe at a time when I was not able to take care of myself. Sometimes the hospital is just where one needs to be. Perhaps that's the case for you at the moment? Please do what you need to do to take care of yourself.

[seesaw]

Originally Posted by golden_eve

I want to end it all RIGHT NOW.

If you're feeling this way and it's persisting, not letting up, maybe it would help? What is it that you would like to get out of being in the hospital? Maybe the same could be done through just a week sick leave/break from work and some extra therapy sessions and seeing your pdoc? Unless you feel like you're at risk of harming yourself, then go IP to be safe.

thanks, guys. I don't think I can even afford to take the time... I can't. I'm not at risk of harm though.

[MickeyCheeky]

I hope you're safe, golden_eve! Even if you can't take a break from work right now, although I certainly hope you CAN, perhaps just try to take it a little bit easier? No need to put EVERYTHING in your work at least not ALL the time. Sometimes it's ok to just take a step back and relax. Certainly keep trying your best but allow yourself to make some mistakes from time to time. It is not the end of the world. Mistakes are what makes us human Please be kind to yourself! Stay safe and take GREAT care of yourself! You have the ENTIRETY of PC cheering you on and rooting for you right now! Sending many safe, warm hugs to you, golden_eve, and to ALL the people you love and who love you!

Thank you Mickey!!! That’s great advice!! Ty! I will try.

Originally Posted by golden_eve

thanks, guys. I don't think I can even afford to take the time... I can't. I'm not at risk of harm though.

eve, just take a week off. It sounds like you just need to take a break from your toxic work environment. Even if you can't afford it, take the week off because you can always budget around those 5 days of work you miss.

Then, don't think about your work or toxic work environment. Just decompress and rebuild your stores of emotional and physical energy by relaxing; watch tv/movies, go for walks, eat junk food, sleep in late, whatever you usually do on days off or weekends to decompress.

thanks so much, Blanche. I wish I could take time off!!! I have like one earned day off now since my honeymoon, so I don't have any paid time off accrued. It IS toxic... entirely!!!!

I hope you get some much needed rest. Sometimes the stress just keeps piling on and it’s hard to handle. Hope you’re feeling better soon.

Thank you, Sisabel! I definitely know you get it since you seem to be under a heap of stress yourself. I am losing it..... clearly, as indicated by my last thread in the relationship forum.

Originally Posted by golden_eve

thanks so much, Blanche. I wish I could take time off!!! I have like one earned day off now since my honeymoon, so I don't have any paid time off accrued. It IS toxic... entirely!!!!

Well, reframe it as..."I can afford to take off 4 unpaid days for my mental health and well being." Because 4 days off work unpaid is an investment in you. Plus, you have control over your environment at home. You can come and go as you please and if you need to go see a counselor the week you take off, you can go to any walk in counseling center or make an appointment.

I wouldn't go to the hospital. I think that would be a huge mistake.

Come up with a coping plan while you look for another job, for your current toxic work environment. Take a week off, eat the 4 days of unapid work knowing it will not break you financially, and invest in yourself for just those 7 days away from your office.

thanks, Blanche, but I have reality of bills. I cannot afford to lose 4 days of pay.. I just cannot. I wish I could. =( I will work from home one day perhaps next week. That would help at least. But you're right in that sanity and mental health come first! And should!

[divine1966]

4 days without pay is a lot of money. Heck it’s a lot even if one makes minimum wages let alone professional job. But working from home could help even if one day. Plus weekend coming up.

Keep looking for a job. Have some extra job ideas so you can leave toxic place

Originally Posted by golden_eve

thanks, Blanche, but I have reality of bills. I cannot afford to lose 4 days of pay.. I just cannot. I wish I could. =( I will work from home one day perhaps next week. That would help at least. But you're right in that sanity and mental health come first! And should!

Could you pay your bills the next month in an installment plan? Trying to think around the bills issue so that you can realistically take the 4 days off with one day off paid for. Would it be the end of the world to pay your bills late, for these 4 days off? If your on the brink of a nervous breakdown try to prioritize what's most important to you: take a week off and pay bills late, or take one day off (3 day weekend maybe?) and hope that's enough...Obviously I support you as I've been in your shoes before.

Oh Blanche, I cannot do it. I have massive work responsibilites and financial responsibilities. I cannot reasonably do it. I refuse to get behind in bills. It's not my style. Not many people who work can afford to take four days off with no pay. It's just not realistic, unless you have extremely high pay and low rent.

It's nearly the weekend and we have half days on summer fridays (through the summer). I can make it one more day and 1/2. And next week, I will plan to work from home 1 day. That's how I will survive. Even just one day out of the office will help.

[smithclarkson01]

Bring your best advocate with you. It may be your spouse, parent, close friend or relative—someone who knows you and is familiar with your situation.

thank you.... I have to be my own advocate.... like you do in life overall. You know?